Random Jokes

[hardcoredarksky]

post random jokes here


why didnt the pirate go see the movie? because it was rated arrrrrr!

whats the difference between a blonde and a vacuum cleaner? the vacuum cleaner has an off button

3 guys talk to this jipsy and the jipsy says there is a majic mountain that if u jump off of it u turn into what ever you say.. so they get to the top of the mountain the first guy jumps off and says feather and turns into a big beautiful feather...the second guy jumps off and says bird and turns into a big beautiful bird..the 3rd guy comes walking around and trips over a rock and says SHIT!!!!!

[Krippled By Kush]

Why did the guy bring a ladder to the party?

Cause the drinks were on the house.....

[swchblade34]

post random jokes here


why didnt the pirate go see the movie? because it was rated arrrrrr!

whats the difference between a blonde and a vacuum cleaner? the vacuum cleaner has an off button

3 guys talk to this jipsy and the jipsy says there is a majic mountain that if u jump off of it u turn into what ever you say.. so they get to the top of the mountain the first guy jumps off and says feather and turns into a big beautiful feather...the second guy jumps off and says bird and turns into a big beautiful bird..the 3rd guy comes walking around and trips over a rock and says SHIT!!!!!


why did hardcore join the forum?

to post lame 4 year old jokes just to piss me off

:lmao: :lmao: :lmao: :lmao: :lmao:

[Rennet]

What's E.T. short for?







Because he has little legs

[NazFer]

So two muffins were sitting in an oven.
One muffin turns to the other and says "Man, it's hot in here."
The other one says "HOLY SHIT, a talking muffin."

[spine shavings]

So two muffins were sitting in an oven.
One muffin turns to the other and says "Man, it's hot in here."
The other one says "HOLY SHIT, a talking muffin."
Lol.. a classic


What's worse than a dead baby in a dumpster?
A dumpster full of dead baby's with a live one at the bottom eating its way up.


What's grosser than gross?
Two vampires fighting over a bloody Tampon.

[Ganster-T]

What did 50 cent say when his grandma said that she made him a sweater?


















Gee You Knit?

[spootinsteve]

post random jokes here


why didnt the pirate go see the movie? because it was rated arrrrrr!

whats the difference between a blonde and a vacuum cleaner? the vacuum cleaner has an off button

3 guys talk to this jipsy and the jipsy says there is a majic mountain that if u jump off of it u turn into what ever you say.. so they get to the top of the mountain the first guy jumps off and says feather and turns into a big beautiful feather...the second guy jumps off and says bird and turns into a big beautiful bird..the 3rd guy comes walking around and trips over a rock and says SHIT!!!!!


heres a WAY better version of the last joke...

same start i spose, not important, but instead of falling off a mountain they are sliding down a slide...

so whatever the men say they will land in it at the end of the slide, so the first man says MONEY, and he ands in a huge pile of money, the second man says GOLD, and he lands in a huge pile of gold, the third man says WEEEEEEEEEEEEE...

[loser-cake]

One night, George W. Bush is tossing restlessly in his White House bed. He awakens to see George Washington standing by him Bush asks him, "George, what's the best thing I can do to help the country?"
"Set an honest and honorable example, just as I did," Washington advises, and then fades away
The next night, Bush is astir again, and sees the ghost of Thomas Jefferson moving through the darkened bedroom. Bush calls out, "Tom, please! What is the best thing I can do to help the country?"
"Respect the Constitution, as I did," Jefferson advises, and dims from sight...
The third night sleep still does not come for Bush. He awakens to see the ghost of FDR hovering over his bed. Bush whispers, "Franklin, What is the best thing I can do to help the country?"
"Help the less fortunate, just as I did," FDR replies and fades into the mist...
Bush isn't sleeping well the fourth night when he sees another figure moving in the shadows. It is the ghost of Abraham Lincoln. Bush pleads, "Abe, what is the best thing I can do right now to help the country?"
Lincoln replies, "Go see a play."

[Teetharegay]

rotflwaffles

[PestControl]

This guy was in a car crash......he lost his left arm and lef.....but he's all right now. Lame on!

[Pat The Baker]

How do you castrate a redneck?


Kick his sister in the jaw.

[JuliaAguilar]

3 guys talk to this jipsy and the jipsy says there is a majic mountain that if u jump off of it u turn into what ever you say.. so they get to the top of the mountain the first guy jumps off and says feather and turns into a big beautiful feather...the second guy jumps off and says bird and turns into a big beautiful bird..the 3rd guy comes walking around and trips over a rock and says SHIT!!!!!

Is your keyboard missing your "g" key? Or are you just really stupid and don't know how to spell gypsy and magic?

[Red Chopstick]

Is your keyboard missing your "g" key? Or are you just really stupid and don't know how to spell gypsy and magic?


HAHAHHAHAHAA QFT!!!

[starcraft_playa]

post random jokes here


why didnt the pirate go see the movie? because it was rated arrrrrr!

whats the difference between a blonde and a vacuum cleaner? the vacuum cleaner has an off button

3 guys talk to this jipsy and the jipsy says there is a majic mountain that if u jump off of it u turn into what ever you say.. so they get to the top of the mountain the first guy jumps off and says feather and turns into a big beautiful feather...the second guy jumps off and says bird and turns into a big beautiful bird..the 3rd guy comes walking around and trips over a rock and says SHIT!!!!!
first joke....lame on sorry but it is

[stojan211287]

A group of third, fourth and fifth graders accompanied by two female teachers went on a field trip to the local race track to learn about thoroughbred horses and the supporting industry.

During the tour some of the children wanted to go to the toilet so it was decided that the girls would go with one teacher and the boys would go with the other.

As the teacher assigned to the boys waited outside the men's toilet, one of the boys came out and told her he couldn't reach the urinal. Having no choice, she went inside and began hoisting the little boys up by their armpits, one by one.

As she lifted one, she couldn't help but notice that he was unusually well endowed for an elementary school child. "I guess you must be in the fifth," she said.

"No ma'am" he replied, "I'm in the seventh, riding Silver Arrow.
Thanks for the lift anyhow."

[stojan211287]

sorry, just thought of another one,it's really long,but very good...

This guy has always dreamed of owning a Harley Davidson. One day he has finally saved up enough money so he goes down to the dealer. After he picks out the perfect bike, the dealer tells him about an old biker trick that will keep the chrome on his new bike free from rust. The dealer tells him that all he has to do is to keep a jar of Vaseline handy and put it on the chrome before it rains, and everything will be fine. He happily pays for the bike and leaves.

A few months later, the young man meets a woman and falls in love. She asks him to come home and meet her parents over dinner. He readily accepts and the date is set. At the appointed time, he picks her up on his Harley and they ride to her parents house. Before they go in, she tells him that they have a family tradition that whoever speaks first after dinner must do the dishes. After a delicious dinner everyone sits in silence waiting for the first person to break the silence and get stuck doing the dishes.

After a long fifteen minutes, the young man decides to speed things up, so he reaches over and kisses his woman in front of her family. No one says a word. Emboldened, he slips his hand under her blouse and fondles her breasts. Still no one says a word. Finally, he throws her on the table and has sex with her in front of everyone. No one says a word. Now he is getting desperate, so he grabs her mother and throws HER on the table. They have even wilder sex. Still no one speaks. By now he is thinking what to do next when he hears thunder in the distance. His first thought is to protect the chrome on his Harley, so he gets his jacket, reaches in his pocket and pulls out his jar of Vaseline.

The father says, "Okay dammit, I'll do the dishes!"

[JuliaAguilar]

Don't double post, but that second one was pretty good. :)

Next time, just use the edit button.

[spine shavings]

How do you make a 2 year old cry twice?
Wipe your bloody dick on his teddy bear.

[teamdescent]

heres a WAY better version of the last joke...

same start i spose, not important, but instead of falling off a mountain they are sliding down a slide...

so whatever the men say they will land in it at the end of the slide, so the first man says MONEY, and he ands in a huge pile of money, the second man says GOLD, and he lands in a huge pile of gold, the third man says WEEEEEEEEEEEEE...


I dont get it

[PestControl]

A businessman and his secretary, overcome by passion, retire to his house for what is popularly termed a "nooner." "Don't worry," he purrs. "My wife is out of town on a business trip, there's no risk." As one thing leads to another, the woman reaches into her purse and suddenly gasps, "We have to stop, I forgot to bring birth control!" "No problem," her lover replies. "I'll get my wife's diaphragm." After a few minutes of searching, he returns to the bedroom in a fury. "That witch!" he exclaims. "She took it with her! I always knew she didn't trust me!"
--------------------
Two drunks are standing at a whorehouse door. The first drunk says, "I heard half these broads have the clap and that none of them would think twice about stealing every penny we've got." The second drunk says, "Not so loud, or they won't let us in."
---------------------------
The mortician calls Mrs. Banley, and says, "Excuse me Mrs. Banley, but I can't seem to close the lid to your husband's coffin because he has a huge erection." To which she replies, "Why don't you cut it off and stick it up his ass? That's the only hole in town it hasn't been in."
--------------------------------
A couple is lying in bed. The man says, "I am going to make you the happiest woman in the world" The woman says, "I'll miss you."

[ThePope#15]

I dont get it

wow ur clever