Post Your Feminist/woman Jokes!!

[scott_man_25]

This has probably already been done a million times but o well.

heres a couple

How many feminists does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
Two: One to screw in the lightbulb and one to suck my dick

Why dont women wear watches?
Theres a clock on the oven

[Master. kirby]

a woman is minding her own business and suddenly gets struck and killed by a car driven by a man, who's fault is it?





the mans, why the hell is he driving through a kitchen

[FashiOnistA]

:uhoh:

here we go....

[PestControl]

Bah I will do both because I love women!!!!

Women will spend hours dressing up to go out, and then they'll go out and spend more time checking out other women. Men can never catch women checking out other men; women will always catch men checking out other women.

What do men and mascara have in common?
They both run at the first sign of emotion.

[skintc]

Why do women get married in white?
To match all the other kitchen appliances.

What's the first thing a woman does after getting out of a battered wives shelter?
The washing up if she knows what's good for her.

What do you tell a woman with 2 black eyes?
Nothing, she's already been told twice.

[rand0m]

Why do women have small feet?
So they can stand closer to the sink

What do you do when your wife comes out the kitchen to bitch?
Shorten the chain

Why havnt they sent women to the moon yet?
Doesnt need cleaning

What do you do when your dishwasher stops working?
Slap her

[detinith]

siiiighh

Why shouldn't women drive?
There isn't a highway between the bedroom and the kitchen.

[Aervoth]

Why couldn't Helen Keller drive?
Because she's a woman.

Wanna hear a joke?
Woman's rights.

[Hard Rain]

Not a joke, but a pretty funny pic! (http://www.golod.com/images/ironmyshirt.jpg)

[KicktheBaby]

Q:Why did the woman cross the road?

A: Who the fuck cares, why is she out of the kitchen

[Orion_ZIR]

What's the definition of "Wife"?

An appliance you screw on the bed to get the housework done. ;)

[BrianPeppersFTW]

How many women does it take to screw in a lightbulb in the kitchen?

NONE! Bitch can cook in the DARK!

[detinith]

Not a joke, but a pretty funny pic! (http://www.golod.com/images/ironmyshirt.jpg)
That guy's my hero.

[PestControl]

Not a joke, but a pretty funny pic! (http://www.golod.com/images/ironmyshirt.jpg)
Man, that shit if funny!!!!!!!:lmao: I'm gonna show that to my boss (A Women) haha i'm still laughing........

[Mr. Man]

How do you turn a dishwasher into a snowplow?

Give her a shovel.

[Hard Rain]

Man, that shit if funny!!!!!!!:lmao: I'm gonna show that to my boss (A Women) haha i'm still laughing........
Let us know if she gives you that promotion! :)

[Riukken]

What is a woman's favorite breakfast food after sex?
A (Your) sausage.

That is all I can think of.

[scott_man_25]

A feminist is just a lesbian thats too ugly to be in porn and not ugly enough to be a biker

[serendipity13]

How can you tell if a man is a Male Chauvinist Pig?
He thinks "harass" is two words

Why don't men die in their sleep?
'Cuz they can't do two things at the same time.

Woman: "I got a set of golf clubs for my husband"
Friend: "GREAT trade!"

Why do men chase women they have no intention of marrying?
For the same reason dogs chase cars they have no intention of driving.

Why do men name their penises?
Because they want to be on a first-name basis with the one who makes all their decisions.

Why did God create man?
Because a vibrator can't mow the lawn.

Why did the man cross the road?
Who knows why the hell men do anything?

Why do men die before their wives?
They should.

[Hard Rain]

Why do men die before their wives?
They should.
hahaha, that's a good one! But, we don't always go first.
This guy's at work when he receives a call from the hospital informing him that his wife's been in an accident. He rushes to the emergency room where he's met by the doctor. They sit down in the waiting room and the doctor, with a very solemn look on his face starts to speak. But before he can, the guy interrupts.

Guy: "Doc, don't tell me my wife's dead. I just can't take it. Really, I can't take it. I love her."

Doctor: "Well, sir, I do have some bad news." Again the guy interrupts.

Guy: "Doc, just tell me, did she make it?" Doctor: "As I was saying, we did all we could. Right now she's in a vegatative state, which is likely where she'll remain for the rest of her life. She can stay here overnight, but after that, you'll have to take her home because your insurance doesn't cover this type of thing."

The guy slumps, just crushed.

Doctor: "With the right care, which will include you feeding her five times a day, cleaning her and giving her constant care on a daily basis, she'll likely live for at least another 30 years."

The guy sinks even lower, just crushed, and starts to cry.

Doctor: "As I said, your insurance doesn't cover this kind of care, so you'll have to make some sort of arrangements to purchase the equipment you'll need for your wife. I would suggest you put your house on the market today and sell it as quickly as possible and buy a mobile home. You're gonna need the excess cash. It should be enough to buy the equipment your wife needs and for you to live on for the next couple of months. By then, you should be able to qualify for welfare and other forms of state and federal aid."

By this point, the guy is sobbing uncontrollably.

The doctor reaches over, puts his hand on his shoulder and says, "Hey, look at me."

The guy looks up and the doctor smiles and says, "I'm just fucking with you, she's dead."

:)

[PestControl]

Let us know if she gives you that promotion! :)
I already had a promotion........but she kicked me out of her office.....she did luagh though.....

How are husbands like lawn mowers?
They're hard to get started, they emit noxious odours, and half the time they don't work.

Women's Meanings!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Fine: This is the word we use at the end of any argument that we feel we are right about but need to shut you up. NEVER use fine to describe how a woman looks. This will cause you to have one of those arguments.

Five minutes: This is half an hour. It is equivalent to the five minutes that your football game is going to last before you take out the trash, so it's an even trade.

Nothing: This means something and you should be on your toes. "Nothing" is usually used to describe the feeling a woman has of wanting to turn you inside out, upside down, and backwards. "Nothing" usually signifies an argument that will last "Five Minutes" and end with the word "Fine".

Go Ahead (with raised eyebrows): This is a dare. One that will result in a woman getting upset over "Nothing" and will end with the word "Fine".

Go Ahead (normal eyebrows): This means "I give up" or "do what you want because I don't care". You will get a raised eyebrow "Go ahead" in just a few minutes, followed by "Nothing" and "Fine" and she will talk to you in about "Five Minutes" when she cools off.

Loud Sigh: This is not actually a word, but is still often a verbal statement very misunderstood by men. A "Loud Sigh" means she thinks you are an idiot at that moment and wonders why she is wasting her time standing here and arguing with you over "Nothing".

Soft Sighs: Again, not a word, but a verbal statement. "Soft Sighs" are one of the few things that you can actually understand. She is content. Your best bet is to not move or breathe and she will stay content.

Oh: This word followed by any statement is trouble. Example; "Oh, let me get that". Or, "Oh, I talked to so and so about what you were doing last night." If she says "Oh" before a statement, RUN, do not walk, to the nearest exit. She will tell you that she is "Fine" when she is done tossing your clothes out the window, but do not expect her to talk to you for at least 2 days.

Oh (as the lead to a sentence): Usually signifies that you are caught in a lie. Do not try to lie more to get out of it, or you will get a raised eyebrows "Go ahead" followed by acts so unspeakable that we can't bring ourselves to write about them.

That's Okay: This is one of the most dangerous statements that a woman can say. "That's Okay" means that she wants to think long and hard before paying you retributions for whatever it is that you have done. "That's Okay" is often used with the word "Fine" and used in conjunction with a raised eyebrow "Go ahead". At some point in the near future when she has plotted and planned, you are going to be in some mighty big trouble.

Please Do: This is not a statement, it is an offer. A woman is giving you the chance to come up with whatever excuse or reason you have for doing whatever it is that you have done. You have a fair chance to tell the truth, so be careful and you shouldn't get a "That's Okay".

Thanks: A woman is thanking you. Do not faint; just say you're welcome.

Thanks a lot: This is much different from "Thanks". A woman will say, "Thanks a lot" when she is really ticked off at you. It signifies that you have hurt her in some callous way, and will be followed by the "Loud Sigh". Be careful not to ask what is wrong after the "Loud Sigh", as she will only tell you "Nothing".

I hope this clears up any misunderstandings......enjoy...

[Hard Rain]

I already had a promotion........but she kicked me out of her office.....she did luagh though.....
You're on a roll, show her this one (http://oregonstate.edu/enews/enewsImg/guerrillaGirls.jpg) next time!

[Mack55]

What's worse then a male chauvinist pig?

A woman who won't do what she's told
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Did you here they finally made a device that makes cars run 95% quieter?

Yeah, it fits right over her mouth.
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Why were shopping carts invented?

To teach women to walk on their hind legs.
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If your dog is barking at the back door and your wife is yelling at the front door, who do you let in first?

The Dog of course...at least he'll shut up after you let him in!
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