Has there been any good jokes on Ebaumsworld?

[djrem]

Well?

Has there?

Every Joke i read that is posted on the main page is crap.

Comments any one?

[xdamousex]

Two married women are walking home from a night of wild partying, more than a little tipsy. They both must use the restroom badly, but there is none in sight, so they decide instead to relieve themselves in the cemetery. The first woman can't find anything to wipe herself with, so she takes off her panties and wipes. The second woman gets finished and also has nothing to wipe with, but she doesn't want to ruin her expensive panties, so she takes a wreath of flowers off one of the graves and wipes with it.

The next day the husband of the first woman calls the second woman's husband. He says "Our wives' partying has got to stop! My wife came home last night with no panties on!". The other husband replies "That's nothing, my wife came home with a card stuck up her ass that said "From all of us at the fire department, we will never forget you!"

[doorknobopener]

Two men are talking in the bar sharing their sob stories. One man says, "I had the worst Freudian slip the other day."

The other man responds, "What the hell is a Freudian slip?" "You know," says the first man. "It's when you mean to say one thing, but you say something else that reveals what you are really thinking about.

Like the other day I was at the airport, and this really sexy lady was helping me. Instead of asking her for 'two tickets to Pittsburgh,' I asked her for 'two pickets to Tittsburgh." The second replies, "Oh, now I know what you are talking about. It's like the other day when I was having breakfast with my wife. I wanted her to pass me the orange juice, but instead I said, 'You ruined my life, bitch!'"

[Norgol]

A man walks into a bar and says to the bartender "If i show you a cool trick will you give me a free drink." The bartender says "Well its a pretty boring night so sure why not." So the man pulls a rat out of his pocket and the rat starts playing the piano the bartender was astonished then gave him a free drink and said "That really is a cool trick!" The man says "If i show you an even cooler trick will you give me free drinks for the rest of the night?" The bartender said "Nothing can be cooler then that so sure go for it." The man then pulls a frog out of his pocket and amazingly the frog starts singing while the rat plays the piano so the bartender gives him free drinks for the rest of the night.The man then walks over to a table to have his drink and an agency man walks over and offers him $10,000 for the frog and the man says no deal then he offers his $1,000,000 and the man accepts the offer the bartender comes over and yells "Why would you sell a talking frog for $1,000,000 its obviously worth more who else has a talking frog?!" The man replies by saying "My rats a ventriloquist."

[one-way]

A man takes his Rottweiler to the vet & says, "My dog's cross-eyed, is there anything you can do for him?" "Well," says the vet, "let's have a look at him." So he picks the dog up & examines his eyes, then checks his teeth. Finally, he says "I'm going to have to put him down." "What?, Because he's cross-eyed?" "No, because he's really heavy"

-------

A man walks into a bar with a slab of asphalt under his arm & says: "A beer please & one for the road."

---
2 cannibals are eating a clown. One says to the other: "Does this taste funny to you?"

[Norgol]

A man takes his Rottweiler to the vet & says, "My dog's cross-eyed, is there anything you can do for him?" "Well," says the vet, "let's have a look at him." So he picks the dog up & examines his eyes, then checks his teeth. Finally, he says "I'm going to have to put him down." "What?, Because he's cross-eyed?" "No, because he's really heavy"

-------

A man walks into a bar with a slab of asphalt under his arm & says: "A beer please & one for the road."

i dont get theese 2 Explain plz

[ElJoe]

i dont get theese 2 Explain plz


To put an animal down means to kill it. The vet said he needed to put the dog down but it was because the dog was heavy.


Roads are made of asphalt and the guy has asphalt under his arm.

[xdamousex]

Two bears are sitting in a bathtub after a long day at work. One of them says to the other, "Could you pass the soap?" The other says, "No soap, radio!"

[one-way]

i dont get theese 2 Explain plz

That right there is the funniest joke on the thread.

[thegnome54]

"A man walks into a bar and says to the bartender "If i show you a cool trick will you give me a free drink." The bartender says "Well its a pretty boring night so sure why not." So the man pulls a rat out of his pocket and the rat starts playing the piano the bartender was astonished then gave him a free drink and said "That really is a cool trick!" The man says "If i show you an even cooler trick will you give me free drinks for the rest of the night?" The bartender said "Nothing can be cooler then that so sure go for it." The man then pulls a frog out of his pocket and amazingly the frog starts singing while the rat plays the piano so the bartender gives him free drinks for the rest of the night.The man then walks over to a table to have his drink and an agency man walks over and offers him $10,000 for the frog and the man says no deal then he offers his $1,000,000 and the man accepts the offer the bartender comes over and yells "Why would you sell a talking frog for $1,000,000 its obviously worth more who else has a talking frog?!" The man replies by saying "My rats a ventriloquist.""

HOLY SHIT WHAT THE HELL!?!?! That right there wins the award for most gramatically incorrect joke ever. It was almost too painful to read to the end! Run ons, lack of punctuation, missing caps, OH MY GOD *commits suicide*

[ElJoe]

HOLY SHIT WHAT THE HELL!?!?! That right there wins the award for most gramatically incorrect joke ever. It was almost too painful to read to the end! Run ons, lack of punctuation, missing caps, OH MY GOD *commits suicide*

I hope that was sarcasm. I'm not an expert with puntuaction and all that crap but it definently didn't look that bad.

[midevilwarrior]

Two bears are sitting in a bathtub after a long day at work. One of them says to the other, "Could you pass the soap?" The other says, "No soap, radio!"
??? i dont understand that, can you please explain?

[xdamousex]

??? i dont understand that, can you please explain?

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/No_soap_radio

[Norgol]

To put an animal down means to kill it. The vet said he needed to put the dog down but it was because the dog was heavy.


Roads are made of asphalt and the guy has asphalt under his arm.

So what if the dog was to heavy :-*(

[Just Spurplin]

FUNNIEST JOKE IVE EVER READ

A women walks into a grocery store and picks up these 5 items: a bag of carrots, a head of lettuce, a gallon of milk, a can of coffe, and a pack of toilet paper. She goes up to the cashier and starts getting her items rung up. While in line, a man comes up behind her. After looking her over for a few seconds he says "You know something, I bet you're single."
The lady is really taken back by this. She tries her best to ignore the man, but is interested by his comment, because she is in fact single. While trying to ignore him, she looks over all her items one last time. She finds nothing odd about her coffe, milk, carrots, lettuce and toilet paper.
Finally, curosity gets the better of her. She turns around and says "OK, you are right, I am single. But how on earth did you know that."
The man looks and her and says "Cause you're ugly!"


Fucking died when I read that. Every guy I tell laughs his ass off, and so far every girl has started to laugh, then immediately stops and says "Thats so mean!"

[xdamousex]

FUNNIEST JOKE IVE EVER READ

A women walks into a grocery store and picks up these 5 items: a bag of carrots, a head of lettuce, a gallon of milk, a can of coffe, and a pack of toilet paper. She goes up to the cashier and starts getting her items rung up. While in line, a man comes up behind her. After looking her over for a few seconds he says "You know something, I bet you're single."
The lady is really taken back by this. She tries her best to ignore the man, but is interested by his comment, because she is in fact single. While trying to ignore him, she looks over all her items one last time. She finds nothing odd about her coffe, milk, carrots, lettuce and toilet paper.
Finally, curosity gets the better of her. She turns around and says "OK, you are right, I am single. But how on earth did you know that."
The man looks and her and says "Cause you're ugly!"

Fucking died when I read that. Every guy I tell laughs his ass off, and so far every girl has started to laugh, then immediately stops and says "Thats so mean!"

lololololol i agree, greatest joke I've ever read

[aoxomoxoa]

OK, this joke isn't on ebaumsworld, but SHOULD be. I love this joke so much, that i have succesfully killed its humor between anyone i talk to. Hopefully you guys will think its funny.

There are these two muffins sitting in the oven, and one turns to the other and goes "Wow, its really hot in here"

The other muffin goes "HOLY SHIT! A talking muffin!!!"

Fuckin' Love It