ihatecrazyfrog
07-17-2006, 09:10 PM
Some classic jokes,
Three guys had to spend the night at a hotel and share a double bed.
In the morning, the guy on the right said "I had this great dream last night, that a girl gave me a handjob"
The guy on the left replied "That's weird so did I"
Finally, the guy in the middle said "Lucky for you guys...I only dream't I was skiing"
"Sex Ed"
Little Johnny was 7 years old and like other boys
at his age he was curious. He had been hearing quite
a bit about 'COURTING' from the older boys,
and he wounderd what it was and how it was done.
One day he took his question to his mother, who became rather flustered.
Instead of explaning things to Johnny, she told him to hide behind the curtains
one night and watch his older sister and her boyfriend. This he did.
The following morning, Johnny described everything to his mother, "Sis and her
boyfriend sat and talked for a while then he, started kissing and hugging her,
i figured 'sis must have been getting sick because her face started looking funny.
He must have thought so too because he put her hand in her blouse to feel her heart,
just > the way a doctor would. Except he's not as smart as a doctor because he seemed
to have trouble finding her heart. I guess he was getting sick too, because pretty soon
both of them started panting and getting all out of breath.
His other hand must have been cold because he put it under her skirt.
About this time 'sis got worse and began to moan and sigh and squirm
around and slid down towards the couch. This was when her fever started.
I knew it was a fever because sis told him she felt really hot.
Finally i found out what was making them sick - - a big eel had gotton
inside his pants somehow. It just jumped out of his pants and stood there,
about 10 inches long, honest, anyway he grabbed it in one hand to keep it from
getting away. When sis saw it, she got really scared - - her eyes got big and her
mouth fell open, and she started calling out to God and stuff like that.
She said it was the biggest one she's ever seen; i should tell her about the
ones down at the lake by our house! Anyway, sis got brave and tried to kill
the eel by biting it's head off. All of a sudden she grabbed it with both hands
and held it tight while he took a muzzle out of his pocket and slipped it over
the eel's head to keep it from biting again. Sis lay back and spread her legs,
so she could get a scissor-lock on it and helped by lying on top of the eel.
The eel put up a hell of a fight. Sis started groaning and squealing and her
boyfriend almost upset the couch. I guess they wanted to kill the eel by
squashing it between them. Her boyfriend got up, and sure enough, they had
killed the eel. I knew this because it just hung there, limp, and some of
it's insides were hanging out. Sis and her boyfriend were a little tired from
the battle, but they went back to courting anyway.
He started huging and kissing her again.
By golly, the eel wasn't dead!
It jumped straight up and started to fight again.
I guess eel's are like cats-- they have nine lives or something.
This time, sis jumped up and tried to kill it by sitting on it.
After about 35 mins truggle they finally had killed the eel.
I knew it was dead, because i saw sis's boyfriend peel it's skin off
and flush it down the toilet.
One day, a boy was listening
to his parents fight.
"Bastard!" , his mom said.
"Mom, what does that mean?" he asked.
"It's another name for a coat." she replied.
"Bitch!", his dad said.
"Dad, what does that mean?" he asked.
"It's another word for a hat."
his dad said Then he followed his dad into the bathroom
where he was shaving. He cut himself and said "Shit!"
"Dad, what does that mean?" he asked. "It's another name for shaving cream."
his dad said. Then the boy went downstairs where his mom was
cutting a turkey and she cut herself.
"Fuck!" she shouted. "Mom, what does that mean?" the boy asked.
"It's another word for 'to cut'." she said. Just then a doorsales
man came to their door. The boy answered and said,
"Hi. You can hang your bitch and bastard over there.
My dad is in the bathroom lathering shit all over his face
and my mom is in the kitchen fucking the turkey.
Every year, Grandma and her grandkids,
Suzy, Jill, and Billy come stay with her over
Christmas. And every Christmas Eve they would make a big bowl of cookie
dough so they could make cookies on Christmas Day.
And every time, the next morning the cookie dough would be gone.
The grandma could never catch them, so this year she put metal bb's
in the cookie dough. The next morning, the cookie dough was gone and
soon Suzy came running downstairs. ''Grandma, I went to the bathroom
to pee and bb's came out.'' "Suzy," Grandma said. "I know you've been
eating cookie dough. Sit down." Then Jill came down and said ''Grandma,
I went poo and there were bb's in it.'' "Jill, I know you've been eating
cookie dough. Sit down." About five minutes later little Billy came.
''Grandma something terrible has happened, I was jerking off in the garage
and I shot the cat!''
:rolleyes: :rolleyes: :rolleyes:
~IHCF
Three guys had to spend the night at a hotel and share a double bed.
In the morning, the guy on the right said "I had this great dream last night, that a girl gave me a handjob"
The guy on the left replied "That's weird so did I"
Finally, the guy in the middle said "Lucky for you guys...I only dream't I was skiing"
"Sex Ed"
Little Johnny was 7 years old and like other boys
at his age he was curious. He had been hearing quite
a bit about 'COURTING' from the older boys,
and he wounderd what it was and how it was done.
One day he took his question to his mother, who became rather flustered.
Instead of explaning things to Johnny, she told him to hide behind the curtains
one night and watch his older sister and her boyfriend. This he did.
The following morning, Johnny described everything to his mother, "Sis and her
boyfriend sat and talked for a while then he, started kissing and hugging her,
i figured 'sis must have been getting sick because her face started looking funny.
He must have thought so too because he put her hand in her blouse to feel her heart,
just > the way a doctor would. Except he's not as smart as a doctor because he seemed
to have trouble finding her heart. I guess he was getting sick too, because pretty soon
both of them started panting and getting all out of breath.
His other hand must have been cold because he put it under her skirt.
About this time 'sis got worse and began to moan and sigh and squirm
around and slid down towards the couch. This was when her fever started.
I knew it was a fever because sis told him she felt really hot.
Finally i found out what was making them sick - - a big eel had gotton
inside his pants somehow. It just jumped out of his pants and stood there,
about 10 inches long, honest, anyway he grabbed it in one hand to keep it from
getting away. When sis saw it, she got really scared - - her eyes got big and her
mouth fell open, and she started calling out to God and stuff like that.
She said it was the biggest one she's ever seen; i should tell her about the
ones down at the lake by our house! Anyway, sis got brave and tried to kill
the eel by biting it's head off. All of a sudden she grabbed it with both hands
and held it tight while he took a muzzle out of his pocket and slipped it over
the eel's head to keep it from biting again. Sis lay back and spread her legs,
so she could get a scissor-lock on it and helped by lying on top of the eel.
The eel put up a hell of a fight. Sis started groaning and squealing and her
boyfriend almost upset the couch. I guess they wanted to kill the eel by
squashing it between them. Her boyfriend got up, and sure enough, they had
killed the eel. I knew this because it just hung there, limp, and some of
it's insides were hanging out. Sis and her boyfriend were a little tired from
the battle, but they went back to courting anyway.
He started huging and kissing her again.
By golly, the eel wasn't dead!
It jumped straight up and started to fight again.
I guess eel's are like cats-- they have nine lives or something.
This time, sis jumped up and tried to kill it by sitting on it.
After about 35 mins truggle they finally had killed the eel.
I knew it was dead, because i saw sis's boyfriend peel it's skin off
and flush it down the toilet.
One day, a boy was listening
to his parents fight.
"Bastard!" , his mom said.
"Mom, what does that mean?" he asked.
"It's another name for a coat." she replied.
"Bitch!", his dad said.
"Dad, what does that mean?" he asked.
"It's another word for a hat."
his dad said Then he followed his dad into the bathroom
where he was shaving. He cut himself and said "Shit!"
"Dad, what does that mean?" he asked. "It's another name for shaving cream."
his dad said. Then the boy went downstairs where his mom was
cutting a turkey and she cut herself.
"Fuck!" she shouted. "Mom, what does that mean?" the boy asked.
"It's another word for 'to cut'." she said. Just then a doorsales
man came to their door. The boy answered and said,
"Hi. You can hang your bitch and bastard over there.
My dad is in the bathroom lathering shit all over his face
and my mom is in the kitchen fucking the turkey.
Every year, Grandma and her grandkids,
Suzy, Jill, and Billy come stay with her over
Christmas. And every Christmas Eve they would make a big bowl of cookie
dough so they could make cookies on Christmas Day.
And every time, the next morning the cookie dough would be gone.
The grandma could never catch them, so this year she put metal bb's
in the cookie dough. The next morning, the cookie dough was gone and
soon Suzy came running downstairs. ''Grandma, I went to the bathroom
to pee and bb's came out.'' "Suzy," Grandma said. "I know you've been
eating cookie dough. Sit down." Then Jill came down and said ''Grandma,
I went poo and there were bb's in it.'' "Jill, I know you've been eating
cookie dough. Sit down." About five minutes later little Billy came.
''Grandma something terrible has happened, I was jerking off in the garage
and I shot the cat!''
:rolleyes: :rolleyes: :rolleyes:
~IHCF