homo/hetero phobic jokes.

[godlytorturous1]

ook, im a gay girl and have been noticing a lot of you spewing the word "faggot" and using the general insults directed at the gay community

im not gonna shout at yall or nuthin but if you are gonna make commnents like that, why not do em here?

have fun now, ill start:

(this may not be funny yall im terrible!)

if there was a dyke, the easter bunny, santi claus and a beautiful, nice lesbian at a cross roads, which would get the fiver in the middle?

A: the dyke, the rest are figments of your imagination!


please take in mind that these jokes are in good humor and should NOT be taken seriously!

[ColdWaXX]

Du du dun chhhh.

[Kaije]

PM noodz or GTFO! you're so nice!

[godlytorturous1]

PM noodz or GTFO! you're so nice!
.thank yall! you too 'wink'.

:ahhh: lots of abreviation :ahhh:

[Sleek]

Pics now or gtfo.

[godlytorturous1]

Pics now or gtfo.


wow, yall is nasty, is that all you think us lesbians is good for? pictures?

get a life

[midevilwarrior]

wow...a lesbian with a texas accent?.........post pics

[evil joe]

I was sigged by a lesbian! (It's the top quote in her sig)

That must make me like 3/7 lesbian!

And I agree with Mr. Midevil. Post pics.

[poonage_pimp]

i didnt know people typed their accents...

[midevilwarrior]

i believe that "yall" counts as a texas accent

[godlytorturous1]

i believe that "yall" counts as a texas accent

down south nd proud!

[Junkman]

Shit, she sigged me too. Second quote down. Give credit where credit is due, girl!

[Silent-Wraith]

I Want Nekkids!

[MooCowzRock]

this thread is gay....lol, I win

[Squeezymo]

Faggots...

[mickyisthebest]

yall yall yall.........shut up......please :)

[stupidpuppet]

okay, this thread might be fun... although i really don't wanna see any pictures of the texan lesbian (sorry, sweetie). but i do think it's fun to make fun of ourselves, so in the spirit of self-deprecation:

A gay man, finally deciding he could no longer hide his sexuality from his parents, went over to their house, and found his mother in the kitchen cooking dinner. He sat down at the kitchen table, let out a big sigh, and said, "Mom, I have something to tell you...I'm gay." His mother made no reply or gave any response, and the guy was about to repeat it to make sure she'd heard him, when she turned away from the pot she was stirring and said calmly, "You're gay -- doesn't that mean you put other men's penises in your mouth?" The guy said nervously, "Uh, yeah, Mom, that's right." His mother went back to stirring the pot, then suddenly whirled around and WHACKED him over the head with her spoon and said, "Don't you EVER complain about my cooking again!!!!!"

and i won't forget about my lezzie friends:

Q: What is the definition of confusion?
A: 20 blind lesbians in a fish market.

[godlytorturous1]

okay, this thread might be fun... although i really don't wanna see any pictures of the texan lesbian (sorry, sweetie). but i do think it's fun to make fun of ourselves, so in the spirit of self-deprecation:

A gay man, finally deciding he could no longer hide his sexuality from his parents, went over to their house, and found his mother in the kitchen cooking dinner. He sat down at the kitchen table, let out a big sigh, and said, "Mom, I have something to tell you...I'm gay." His mother made no reply or gave any response, and the guy was about to repeat it to make sure she'd heard him, when she turned away from the pot she was stirring and said calmly, "You're gay -- doesn't that mean you put other men's penises in your mouth?" The guy said nervously, "Uh, yeah, Mom, that's right." His mother went back to stirring the pot, then suddenly whirled around and WHACKED him over the head with her spoon and said, "Don't you EVER complain about my cooking again!!!!!"

and i won't forget about my lezzie friends:

Q: What is the definition of confusion?
A: 20 blind lesbians in a fish market.


took me a while! lol darlin ta for actually doing what the thread says!

[Sleek]

wow, yall is nasty, is that all you think us lesbians is good for? pictures?

get a life

yes.

(Lol joke)

[godlytorturous1]

yes.

(Lol joke)

lol :D
is ok, the pics r usually gd anyway ;)

[Shorty|*|RocK89]

Heterophobic? Are you kidding me fag?

[Junkman]

I've got a good heterophobic joke:

How many straight people does it take to screw in a light bulb?

1.

AHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!

[Frostdaddy]

Silly lesbian, there are no heterophobics.

[h2o polo player]

k so these three gay guys are at their lovers funeral after they all died in a car accident. the bodies are cremated and are given back to their lovers. the three men are hanging out after and start talking so the first guy asks one of them, so wat r u gonna do with ur ashes. the guy says, im gonna sprinkle them in my garden because he used to love to garden all the time. he then asks the same question to the first fellow which he responds with, im gonna sprinkle his ashes in the ocean because he always loved long walks on the beach. he then asks the third guy the same question. the man gave it some thought and finally says, im gonna sprinkle his ashes in a bowl of extremely spicy chili so he can tear up my ass one last time.

[godlytorturous1]

Silly lesbian, there are no heterophobics.


well of course there are

homophobic-fear or great hatred of homosexual people

heterophobic-fear or great hatred of straight people.

what with all the suicides cause by homophobia, the amount of self harm caused by it, the amount of bullying and intensity of homophobia, i expect quite a few homosexuals would be afraid of str8s...

edit-lmao h2o, took me a while :D

[Squeezymo]

I have Hemophilia. Wrong thread..... shit

[jnettl2]

How do you fit four gay guys on a bar stool?

Turn it upside down.

[Squeezymo]

A man named Vinny dies and goes to hell.

The Devil says to him "Hey Vinny we've been waitin for ya!".

Vinny smiles and walks with the Devil and the Devil says "I gotta ask you a couple questions, do you like to smoke?" Vinny answers "Ya, I love to smoke." The Devil says "Good you'll like Mondays we smoke everything cigarettes, cigars, weed everything."

"Now do you like to drink?" Then Vinny says "Of course I love to drink." The Devil replies "Great we drink everything on Tuesdays you will fit in great."

"Do you like to have sex?" Vinny says "Hell ya sex is the best." The Devil smiles and replies "We have sex with every type of woman you could think of on Wedesdays."

And the Devil finally says "Now, are you gay?" Vinny frowns and answers "NO I'm not gay! And the Devil looks down and finishes "Your gonna hate Thursdays."

[PimpOfTheWorld]

Hey cool I'm a dyke too.

What do you call an eskimo lesbian? A klondyke.

[dudeinanigloo]

ook, im a gay girl and have been noticing a lot of you spewing the word "faggot" and using the general insults directed at the gay community

im not gonna shout at yall or nuthin but if you are gonna make commnents like that, why not do em here?

have fun now, ill start:

(this may not be funny yall im terrible!)
Actually, reading your posts is pretty funny. Painful, but funny.

[jijiji]

Okay so two faggots are sucking each other's cock and one of them cums in the other guy's eye without telling him he was cumming. The other fruitbucket gets mad and cum in his face even harder. They then lick the cum off each other's eye and have even more gay buttsecks.

[Squeezymo]

^^ I actually laughed at that. I think at the moment when i read fruitbucket I knew that I had to laugh

[stupidpuppet]

here's a long one, and i'm guessing the heteros out there will skip it, but it made me smile:

100 Reasons to be Gay

1. You truly don't care who Julia Roberts is sleeping with.
2. You understand the difference between 43 brands of imported vodka.
3. You can call anyone "honey" including pets.
4. You know someone who definitely was in the emergency room with Richard Gere and the gerbil.
5. You understand the immense importance of good lighting.
6. You can be at a crowded disco the size of two football fields and still spot a toupee.
7. You can tell a woman you love her bathing suit, and truly mean her bathing suit.
8. You can explain the nuances between steady date, boyfriend and lover.
9. You really have "been there, done that."
10. Your women friends will tell you everything you want to know about their boyfriends. And that means everything. :raiseeyeb
11. You're the only type of male who gets to say "fabulous."
12. You can have naked pictures of men you don't know in your home.
13. You can have naked men you don't know in your home.
14. You know how to handle the telephone like a Stradivarius.
15. You understand why the good Lord invented spandex.
16. You understand why the good Lord didn't intend everyone to wear it.
17. You know how to get back at just about everyone. And have.
18. You know that the most important part of a party's decor is the catering staff.
19. You only wear polyester when you mean to.
20. You can smile to let someone know you can't stand them.
21. You can freeze a troll from 20 feet away.
22. You're good pals with women other people can't stand.
23. You've always got an opinion.
24. You've read the book, seen the movie, done the musical.
25. You know how to dress strategically.
26. Your car has an amusing female name.
27. You're the only one at your high school reunion who looks a lot better than you did in high school.
28. You've got at least one framed picture of a pet.
29. If your mattress could talk, it would be Joan Rivers.
30. You know that sex complicates things. So?
31. You know that being called a "cheap slut" isn't actually an insult.
32. There's a married guy somewhere who is terrified of you.
33. Nobody tells you what to do in bed...unless you tell them what to tell you.
34. You have a medicine chest stocked for any occasion.
35. You have at least one movie musical on video.
36. You're not embarrassed to sing in a piano bar.
37. You're embarrassed by people who sing in piano bars.
38. You never hold a grudge for longer than a decade or two.
39. You know how to make an entrance.
40. You know when to make an exit.
41. You worry about people you don't even know - like Liza Minnelli.
42. You choose the most fabulous greeting cards.
43. You know how to program your VCR.
44. You've got sunscreen at every conceivable SPF level.
45. You have a cologne display worthy of Bloomingdales.
46. You understand, viscerally, Joan Crawford.
47. Some of your best friends are your ex lovers.
48. You know when to play dumb.
49. You know what to do for a hangover.
50. Yes, you do have a condom.
51. You've called someone "girlfriend" who is neither a girl nor a friend.
52. One or more of the following apply to you:
a) You adore Judy Garland
b) You hate Judy Garland
c) You hate people who adore Judy Garland.
d) You hate people who hate Judy Garland.
e) You don't give a damn about Judy Garland.
f) Who is Judy Garland?
53. You can supply the last names to the following list:
a) Bernadette
b) Chita
c) Barbra
54. You made Donna Summer a star.
55. You made Donna Summer a has-been.
56. Tanning salons were invented for you.
57. You've made sunbathing a performance art.
58. You know when the party's over.
59. You know where to go after the party's over.
60. You're fearless about fighting the elements, especially gravity.
61. When you hear "a stitch in time saves nine" you think of
a) Your grandma
b) Your face lift
c) John Wayne Bobbit
62. You know that pigs and bears are not necessarily rural wildlife.
63. Your roommate can be your roommate and not your "roommate."
64. You know that referring to someone as "a real lady" isn't necessarily a compliment.
65. Your favorite dinner accessory may also be your dinner companion.
66. If your cat is a female, you swear it's a lesbian.
67. If your cat is a male, you swear it's a lesbian.
68. You sing along heartily with songs that make most females cringe, like "Stand by your man".
69. You've been to a bris, a barmitzvah, a christening, a first communion and too many weddings and you have a carefully considered evaluation of the food after each.
70. You'll never have to hear your mother complain about your wife.
71. A two-seater convertible seems perfectly practical to you.
72. You have a favorite Disney character and it's usually a nasty one.
73. You've left someone totally speechless.
74. You've shaved something other than your face. :redface:
75. All your friends do not have to "get along".
76. You have large collection of anniversary pictures. They may be with different guys, however.
77. Your love handles are actually used as such.
78. When someone turns his back on you, you actually consider it an opportunity.
79. You've got a large assortment of movie-star biographies.
80. You've got the most interesting coffee table books.
81. You know where to find a meat rack and it ain't in your kitchen drawer.
82. You have a sexual persuasion with its own flag.
83. At some moment in your life you've envisioned having back-up girls.
84. You know your enemies.
85. After a workout at the gym, you feel like a new man. And he's right there in the shower.
86 You're Barbra Streisand's biggest fan.
87. You know that Barbra Streisand's biggest fan is Barbra Streisand.
88 Not only have you added spice to your life - sometimes you've added side dishes.
89. You know that "small talk" can be about spirituality or politics, and "important issues" can be about hair.
90. You've actually lived out some of your fantasies.
91. Unlike most straight women, you have no problem being treated solely as a sex object.
92. You have no doubts about the accuracy of the Kinsey Report.
93. You know, by heart, every line in:
a) All about Eve
b) The Rocky Horror Picture Show
c) Your face
94. You are ALWAYS ready for your close-up.
95. You have 412 ways to tell someone to get lost. 136 are non-verbal.
96. You can lip-sync to at least one Supreme's song.
97. You have a carefully selected Yiddish vocabulary.
98. Even if you're in Kansas, you're not in Kansas anymore.
99. You know exactly how many martinis it takes.
100. When throwing a party, you know how to put out quite a spread. Sometimes after the party too.

[deadinthehead]

wow, yall is nasty, is that all you think us lesbians is good for? pictures?

get a life

thats pretty much all guys can get from lesbians

soooo i believe the correct answer is yes

[Squeezymo]

haha! deadinthehead just schooled you.

lesbowned!

[Newground Spy]

ook, im a gay girl and have been noticing a lot of you spewing the word "faggot" and using the general insults directed at the gay community

im not gonna shout at yall or nuthin but if you are gonna make commnents like that, why not do em here?

have fun now, ill start:

(this may not be funny yall im terrible!)

if there was a dyke, the easter bunny, santi claus and a beautiful, nice lesbian at a cross roads, which would get the fiver in the middle?

A: the dyke, the rest are figments of your imagination!


please take in mind that these jokes are in good humor and should NOT be taken seriously!

AHH this makes sense you a faggot you lives in hick country no wonder why you sound like a redneck in all of your other posts.
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------
wow, yall is nasty, is that all you think us lesbians is good for? pictures?

exactly thats why straight people only allow lesbians to live

SHOW US THE PICS OR GET CYBER RAPED!!


faggot now show us the pics

[dudeinanigloo]

thats pretty much all guys can get from lesbians

soooo i believe the correct answer is yes
...What about "curious" lesbians? :raiseeyeb

AHH this makes sense you a faggot you lives in hick country no wonder why you sound like a redneck in all of your other posts.
She had me convinced at "y'all".

[Mr.SelfDestruct]

-How do you know if you're in a tough lesbian bar?
=The pool table has no balls. :eek:

[deadinthehead]

...What about "curious" lesbians? :raiseeyeb




those are called bisexual not lesbians

and ive had plenty a good time with them

those are the ones that like threesomes ffm ftw

[Squeezymo]

Lesbowned. Lesbowned with a dyke on the side

[Capn_crunch]

Here's a classic:

Three gay guys are sitting in a hot tub. The are all having a good time, when all of the sudden some semen surfaces. One of them asks, "who farted?"

I think I butchered it, but it goes something like that.

[dudeinanigloo]

What a fucking gravedig...

those are called bisexual not lesbians
Wow! Nothing gets by you, does it?

It was a joke. My last girlfriend was bisexual, I'm not an idiot. :rolleyes:

[I SNAKED YOU]

POST
I laughed quite a bit at that.

[markguitar33]

I love all people. Somtimes I do use faggot as an insult, though. I don't really use it to offend gay people. I use it as a general insult, like one would call someone a "douche bag." I don't really think that someone is a tool used for cleaning the vagina when I call them a douche bag, but I still use the insult. It's only a word, so don't let it get to you so much.

[viper025]

mmm i love lesbians...

so r u goin to post ur beautiful picture :ohnoes:

[gators#1]

i say yall n im from sc

[Amadeus]

if there was a dyke, the easter bunny, santi claus and a beautiful, nice lesbian at a cross roads, which would get the fiver in the middle?

A: the dyke, the rest are figments of your imagination!


Wow, lemme guess: you got that from Chasing Amy. Fucking tracer. :-p


I got a gay joke for you:

A police officer in Austin, TX spots a man walking down main street wearing nothing but a cowboy hat at three in the morning. The police officer approaches the man and asks him why he's out in public naked. The cowboy says "well I met this cute guy at a bar, ya see. We danced, we hit if off then he done whispered in my ear 'let's go back to my place." So we went back to his place and we went in his bed room." The police officer knew where this was going, but let him continue anyways.

"So we started taking our clothes off." the cowboy said. "We were both naked sittin' on his bed. He started suckin' me til I got hard, then laid back on the bed spread-legged and said 'Now go to town, cowboy.' So here I am."

[MONKEYBONE]

WHATS THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN A QUEER AND A MEAT FREEZER

THE FREEZER DONT FART WHEN YOU PULL THE MEAT OUT:raiseeyeb

[ColdWaXX]

God damnit...

[dudeinanigloo]

WHATS THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN A QUEER AND A MEAT FREEZER

THE FREEZER DONT FART WHEN YOU PULL THE MEAT OUT:raiseeyeb
You are not allowed to post anymore.

[jesushhitler]

... a lorry driver picks up a couple of interestingly attired hitch hikers, they're sitting in the cab of his truck and he says, are you 2 faggots, they say yes. No more conversation happens until one of the guys lets out this little whisper of a fart, then about 10 minutes later the other guy does. annoyed by these antics the truck driver says, listen here faggots, this is how a real man farts, and he lets of this massive explosive ear busting fart (that probably followed through). The gays look at each other giggling and say *virgin!*