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View Full Version : Iran Declares War [CONFIRMED]


DarkTalon
03-22-2007, 04:07 AM
http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/17704847/site/newsweek/
By Andy Borowitz
Newsweek
Updated: 11:23 a.m. CT March 20, 2007

March 20, 2007 - In what foreign policy experts believe to be a direct response to the hit American movie “300,” Iranian President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad today declared war on Sparta. Even for the mercurial Ahmadinejad, the move struck many diplomatic insiders as extraordinary, since the consensus in the international community is that the city-state of Sparta no longer exists. But, according to a close associate of Ahmadinejad, the Iranian president’s thoughts turned to war after seeing a matinee showing of “300” this past Saturday at the Tehran Cineplex 12. “He was hopping mad at the way the Spartans kicked the Persians’ butts,” the aide said. “I haven’t seen him this angry since he saw that thing with Hugh Grant and Drew Barrymore.”

At a press conference in Tehran today, President Ahmadinejad directed his most barbed comments at the 300 Spartan warriors depicted in the film. “So you think you are a match for the entire Persian army?” Ahmadinejad said. “Well, let’s see if you’re a match for Iran’s nuclear program!”

Hours after the Iran president issued his taunt, however, White House spokesman Tony Snow pounced on the remarks, claiming that they were proof that Iran’s nuclear program was not as peaceful as Ahmadinejad has purported. But Ahmadinejad rebutted Snow’s charges, telling reporters in Tehran, “We have been building a nuclear reactor for peaceful purposes only, but now we plan to drop that peaceful reactor on top of those damned Spartans.”

Elsewhere, a new report indicates that the British eat too much salt, Americans do not eat enough fruit and vegetables, and Nicole Richie has not eaten since 2004.

I think Israel might interpret this as aggressive movement.

Master. kirby
03-22-2007, 04:51 AM
is this real? what the fuck?
this doesn't make sense, why is he declareing war on a country that doesn't exist?

what a bitch.

Frosty
03-22-2007, 05:23 AM
is this real? what the fuck?
this doesn't make sense, why is he declareing war on a country that doesn't exist?

what a bitch.

Read the last paragraph...

refoops
03-22-2007, 05:50 AM
Tis' a joke people.

Cousin Eddie
03-22-2007, 09:54 AM
sounds like something from the onion

avix123
03-22-2007, 11:13 AM
^^ That's what I was thinking. Now I wanna watch that family guy clip about The Onion again.

Asbestos Crayon
03-22-2007, 11:19 AM
What's this have to do with current events? It's fiction.

Well, at least the part about the declaration. The part of the Iranians being crazy is pretty much true.

Face Plant
03-22-2007, 11:32 AM
I thought The Onion too. So Newsweek thinks its The Onion now, fucking lame. They should leave this kind of shit to the experts.

Quick_Draw21
03-22-2007, 07:31 PM
The onion sucks, way too much sarcasm and over dramatizing crammed into an article that it doesn't even try to resemble a news paper plus all the ads suck.

Henkie
03-22-2007, 07:45 PM
“We have been building a nuclear reactor for peaceful purposes only, but now we plan to drop that peaceful reactor on top of those damned Spartans.”

Fiction or not, this is utter comedic brilliance!

Viet Era Marine
03-22-2007, 08:11 PM
God, I love this bit;

“We have been building a nuclear
reactor for peaceful purposes only, but now we plan
to drop that peaceful reactor on top of those damned
Spartans.”


Regards,
VEM

bergshadow
03-22-2007, 08:40 PM
If Newsweek wants to run with the big horses, they need to hire some better writers.

"Hopping mad"? "that {uinnamed, c'mon guys - reference or footnote it. You're imitating a journalist - check out the pro style in some reputable mag, if you can't remember what journalism sounds lilke} thing with Hugh Grant and Drew Barrymore" ? Amateurs. And picking on an agitprop target? It's like watching classical musicians try to be funny.