Post jokes you've created.

[Stagg]

Post any and all jokes that are original, and you have come up with.


Why do Arab's have so many kids?
More Ammo.

[evil joe]

Why did the chicken cross the road?

TO GET TO THE OTHER SIDE!

[Osama Bin Laden]

Whats the difference betweens black people and white people?


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skin color!

[9Planets]

Made this..

So this guy is walking down an alley, and this bum is like "I Am God!"

Guy, "Excuse me?"
Bum, "I said, I Am God!"

Guy says "Get outta here man, you're not god"
Bum says, "If I can prove it, will you buy me a beer?"

Guy says, "Well, it's gonna be hard to prove it, but yeah sure"
Bum says "Follow me"

So they go down the road into a local pub..
Soon as they walk in, the bartender looks at the bum and says:

"Jesus Christ! Are you here again?"

[Rebound King]

If you're in another country and you need to get the fuck out.....just say you killed Jonbenette Ramsey. You'll get out of there in no time.

[TK9293]

What do you call an arab taxi driver?


A TAXI DRIVER, YOU RACIST!

[Jewdaism]

^ Nice!

Hi, *introduce self* *point out something about her like how you just noticed what she's reading or how her hair looks*, listen, I've got to be someplace in ten minutes, but I'd love to continue this conversation over a coffee.

if you get an ok, you can either wait for her to hand you her number, offer yours, or ask her for hers. If she's got only a no for you, it's "Ok, sorry to bug you" or you could look at your watch and say something like "damn, well, maybe another time" then say bye and walk away still smelling like a champ.


Personally, I never bother asking anyone, since I'm usually never interested, or they come to me first (it happens).

Never compliment a woman on how she looks right offhand. If you're her boyfriend she wants you to tell her that all the time, if you are not she'll think you're a shallow scumbag. I've dated a couple of models, and they looked great, but they liked it better when I complimented their outfits or their shoes more than how hot they were in that dress or those jeans. Why? They usually put a lot of time into those types of things, so it shows that you are interested in what they care about when it comes to them and how they feel about how they look. Most girls are just too self conscious to take a compliment about their ass or something from a guy they don't or barely know.


"Fitty dollas for a hummah" hasn't worked for me yet, but we'll see.
__________________

[Tazer]

Stoopid Joo! STFU that wasn't even a joke, it was like, Dating for Fucking Posers! And I DOUBT You've ever dated a model, unless you're talking about male models, I'd believe that shit, because you seem gay. And 9planets, the joke wasn't funny the first time!

[Ms June Day]

June: Alex, find something in common with these numbers
Alex: We're both odd

It was a late night in the lab :/

[motherbrain]

what do you call na irishman whos not drunk? a lie
we would be fucked if there were no asians in the world we wouldnt get takeaway after 11pm

[johnnygriffd]

Yo mamma so dumb, when she sees a roadsign that says "Bump" she turns the bass up.

[Mattjam]

Yo mamma so dumb, when she sees a roadsign that says "Bump" she turns the bass up.

The usage of the word bump makes this such an ironic post:lmao:

[maximuse]

Suicide bombers are so tough in Scotland that they can survive suicide.

You'd have to watching the news recently to get that, even then it's not funny.

[Squeezymo]

What's the difference between an olympic swimmer and a jew?

Swimmers take showers to get the chlorine out

[Mattjam]

What's the difference between an olympic swimmer and a jew?

Swimmers take showers to get the chlorine out

Fuck! I've pondered this joke but I still don't get it! Explain.

[Playsatan]

jews got poisoned by chlorine i think didnt they??

[BlackNumero]

How are Santa Claus and a smart black person similar?


They're not real!












I remade this joke from a friend, so I don't know if its mine.

[suzy]

why dog is called dog .... bcos spelling is 'd'+'o'+'g' .

[Fireal87]

why dog is called dog .... bcos spelling is 'd'+'o'+'g' .

are you fucking retarded?

[ChadR6783]

are you fucking retarded?
That made me rofl. :lmao:

I'm not creative enough to come up with jokes.

[RunningEagle]

A couple is in a tuxedo store and the wife says "Hey look! It's Morgan Freeman walking with a penguin!" And the husband says "I see Morgan Freeman,but how did he get that beak to float?"

[suzy]

kindly explain the answer..i could not get.

[r(2)Truth]

What's better than roses on a piano?


Tuplips on a pianist! (say it outloud)

OK I didn't make it up.

[Offcell]

What kind of underwear do people who like using punching bags for short periods of time wear?




Boxer Briefs.

[psychomonkey62]

Are you an M or an F?

If they say M: Hah! You're a mother!
If they say F: Hah! You're a female!

(If the person is a female, just replace "male" for mother and "father" for female.)

I made that up during a very lonely lunch time in about 2nd grade.

[Baconstrips]

why is 10 afraid of 7?


because 7 8 9!

har har har

[Icky Thump]

whats red and shaped like a bucket?



A red bucket!

[RunningEagle]

kindly explain the answer..i could not get.


Well, if you look at a penguin it looks like it's wearing a tuxedo (white belly fur, black fur everywhere else) so it would blend into a tuxedo store, and Morgan Freeman would stand out because he wouldn't wear a tuxedo because black people don't do that, and thus be visible. So, assuredly the woman saw the penguin while it was against a white wall or something, and in the time it took for the man to turn around, the penguin was up against a tuxedo rack, and therefore camouflaged. Now, a penguin has orange feet and orange beak (though other penguins can be different but basically the same). Therefore, the man would clearly see Morgan Freeman, yet the penguin would blend in, except for the beak, which would appear to be floating.


Try these simpler versions if confused:

A couple is walking in a dark alley and the woman says "hey look! A black guy and a white guy!" The man responds " I see the white guy, but how did he get that gun/teeth/shirt/eyes/knife/crack (choose one) to float?"

Replace with an Asian man against the sun, or a small penis store (so he would blend in). Or, a white guy in snow/a crack factory.

[Crisis]

I actually have two homemade jokes. Ok.The first one:

***Your mama is so hairy, when you were born, you almost died of rugburn***

Hardy har har! :ahhh:

The second one is a bit longer and requires more explanation. So basically:

***Once upon a time, there lived a woman, a city woman, who was lonely.

In fact, she was so lonely, one day she decided to buy a, "toy" from a certain shop. (and no, not a happy meal toy :D )

As the woman was going to the certain store, to buy a certain toy, she passed by a second hand (or second toy :rollseyes ) shop. In the window of this plain shop was a sign that said in big, black letters,

"VooDoo dildo. For Free!"

Beneath this sign was a wooden dildo. So the woman enters the shop, and speaks to the freaky, deaky dutch woman at the counter. She found nothing wrong or suspicious with having a used dildo, a free one, or even a voodoo one.

So the woman got home, and opened the case in which the dildo was. Inside the case was a note. It said, "this dildo holds magical and mystical powers, whatever place you want the dildo to pleasure, just say so". So the woman says, "voodoo dildo my vagina!" But then, the dildo went crazy, and tortuously tore up her vagina!

The woman's neighbor found her dead the next day, and he called the fuzz.

The police officer arrives, takes a look, sees the note and proclaims, "Who's gonna believe this shit, tsh, voodoo dildo my ass!"***

Hoped you like my jokes...

-:boink:CRISIS

[evil joe]

^ I've heard the voodoo dildo one, but it's a good'n.

[Offcell]

What do you get when you put a graded scantron form from a sex ed class in the freezer?

A testicle

[Trevi626]

I actually have two homemade jokes. Ok.The first one:

***Your mama is so hairy, when you were born, you almost died of rugburn***

Hardy har har! :ahhh:

The second one is a bit longer and requires more explanation. So basically:

***Once upon a time, there lived a woman, a city woman, who was lonely.

In fact, she was so lonely, one day she decided to buy a, "toy" from a certain shop. (and no, not a happy meal toy :D )

As the woman was going to the certain store, to buy a certain toy, she passed by a second hand (or second toy :rollseyes ) shop. In the window of this plain shop was a sign that said in big, black letters,

"VooDoo dildo. For Free!"

Beneath this sign was a wooden dildo. So the woman enters the shop, and speaks to the freaky, deaky dutch woman at the counter. She found nothing wrong or suspicious with having a used dildo, a free one, or even a voodoo one.

So the woman got home, and opened the case in which the dildo was. Inside the case was a note. It said, "this dildo holds magical and mystical powers, whatever place you want the dildo to pleasure, just say so". So the woman says, "voodoo dildo my vagina!" But then, the dildo went crazy, and tortuously tore up her vagina!

The woman's neighbor found her dead the next day, and he called the fuzz.

The police officer arrives, takes a look, sees the note and proclaims, "Who's gonna believe this shit, tsh, voodoo dildo my ass!"***

Hoped you like my jokes...

-:boink:CRISIS

???

The Voodoo one is as old as Jesus.

[Crisis]

The Voodoo one is as old as Jesus.

I am Jesus.:squint:

J/K. My older brother said he made it up. What a fuckbucket.

-:boink: CRISIS

[Trevi626]

I am Jesus.:squint:

J/K. My older brother said he made it up. What a fuckbucket.

-:boink: CRISIS

Yeah, tell your brother he's a fuckbucket.

Oh and btw, just a suggestion, you don't have to bother doing the CRISIS thing at the end of each of your posts. That's what your signature is for. The font for your posts could be normal as well.

Just suggestions.

[Crisis]

awww man! I kinda liked the whole Crisis thing... kind of a statement... But now that you mention it, I think i will change it. But my font is gonna stay different. :p

-:boink: CRISIS

PS. I told my brother he was a fuckbucket and he just stared at me. I think I'm gonna get it.

[evil joe]

I remember when I used to sign my username at the bottom of my posts. Then people told me I was a douchebag, so I stopped doing it.

-:boink: CRISIS

[Trevi626]

I think my font used to be Comic Sans MS also. Looked kinda homo, so I blended in with everyone else, oh, and btw CRISIS, You already have your name in your sig, so we see two-:boink: CRISIS's


-:boink: CRISIS

[Crisis]

Yeah, that's the leftover in all my old posts, but I've changed it now. Too lazy to go back and edit that out of all my old posts. This is kind of off topic, but how do I get a mentor? It seems like every noob has one... except me. :uhoh:

[Elecbullet]

Does yo momma own a peice? 'Cause she blew me to kingdom COME!

[Offcell]

# 1
Person 1: My dad just got fired from his job at the nail factory?
Person 2: Really? Why, was he screwing the bosses daughter?
Person 1: No, he was always coming into work hammered.

#2
Person 1: My dad is a shoe salesman but he really is no good at it?
Person 2: Is he not putting his sole into it?
Person 1: No, he just can never hold his tongue.

#3
I was a door to door coffee and tea salesman for a while but i gave that up, I was constantly getting mugged.

#4
Person 1 : I got a job offer offer at the pillow factory the other day.
Person 2: How is that?
Person 1: Oh, i havent accepted it yet, I told them i needed to sleep on it.

#4
My father attended culinary school and minored in carpentry, he builds ginger bread houses for a living now.