Rate the Joke Above You

[Trevi626]

Here's the deal, Every 4 and a half minutes I see a random thread for ajoke and 2 people post in it saying it was good, or lame, or wtvr.

Here's the thread where you rate the joke above you, on 10, on hilariousness, probability of shitting yourself, etc.

And then you post your own joke, and please, not one that is too obvious or is pretty old.

I shall go first:

A Jewish grandmother is watching her grandchild playing on the beach when a huge wave comes and takes him out to sea. She pleads, "please God, save my only grandson. I beg of you, bring him back." And a big wave comes and washes the boy back onto the beach, good as new. She looks up to heaven and says: "He had a hat too, you know!"

[Crisis]

^^^^

Pretty funny but nothing worth shitting my pants over.
Funniness: 6/10
Probability of shitting all over myself like a fat kid: 0

And here's a joke just off the top of my head (a bit obvious though):

Your mamas so fat, the last time she saw 90210 was on the scale.

[Blaxican1]

4/10 for effort

u wana hear a dirty joke, A White Horse fell in A pile of MUD *Drum Rolls* *Crowd Laughing*

[Devastation]

4/10 for effort

u wana hear a dirty joke, A White Horse fell in A pile of MUD *Drum Rolls* *Crowd Laughing*

7/10 because it's a classic.


Ted Bundy walks into a bar. He goes to the bartender and says, "give me a double. Work was murder."

[shane7x]

haha i give it a 8/10

here's mine

Q:What is the worst thing about a dead baby?

A:Getting to much ketchup on it.

[ItalianPunk]

3/10 ^^^^^

Yo mama is so fat that when she fell down, I didn't laugh, but the ground was cracking up.

[Trevi626]

^ haha 9/10 because puns are always funny no matter how cheesy they are. But that wasn't that cheesy.



One Friday, two women were sitting and talking. One woman looked up and saw her husband coming down the street with a bunch of flowers in his hand.
She rolled her eyes and said, “There comes the a**hole with flowers in his hand. Now he'll expect me to spend the weekend on my back with my legs in the air.”

Her friend promptly replied, “Don't you have a vase?”

lol friend told me, indn't get at first, but after 2 secs i was like, lol!

[Tazer]

6/10 ^^^

I laughed, but nothing too good.


Q: Why do men name their penises.
A: Because they don't want a stranger making all their decisions.

(I forgot where I heard that one too)

[suzy]

I enjoyed but it could be more better.

[Trevi626]

I enjoyed but it could be more better.

thanks for ruining the flow. you're supposed to rate it, not enjoy it and leave us all hanging. you ruined my day, I hope you're fucking happy.

A construction worker on the third floor of a building needs a handsaw. He sees one of the laborers on the first floor and yells down to him, but the man indicates that he can't hear. So, the guy on the third floor tries to use signs. He points to his eye, meaning, "I", then at his knee, meaning, "need", then he moves his hand back and forth, meaning, "handsaw".
The man on the first floor nods, then drops his pants and begins to masturbate.

The man on the third floor freaks out and runs down to the first floor yelling, ''What the hell is wrong with you!?! Are you stupid or something? I was saying that I needed a handsaw!''

The laborer looks at the carpenter and says, ''I knew that. I was just trying to tell you that I was coming.''

[Rootraz]

10/10

pretty damn funny.

There was this blind man walkin down the street. He walks past the fish market and takes a big sniff in and says "Aah, good morning ladies."

I heard that one on an afroman song

[trex]

Two antennas on a roof got married.
The wedding wasn't that great, but the reception was incredible.

[trex]

I got great racy ones, but I'll try to be moderate.


What's the difference between an Irish wedding and an Irish funeral ?

One less drunk.


What's white and comes in brownies ?

Roman Polanski.


What's black and white and can't turn around in hallways ?

A nun with a javelin through her head.

[9Planets]

Q1: WHAT ARE THE SMALL BUMPS AROUND A WOMAN'S NIPPLES FOR?
A: It's Braille for "suck here".

Q2. WHAT IS AN AUSTRALIAN KISS?
A: It's the same as a French kiss,only "down under."

Q3. WHY ARE HURRICANES NORMALLY NAMED AFTER WOMEN?
A: Because when they come, they're wild and wet. And when they go, they take your house and car with them.

Q4. WHY DO GIRLS RUB THEIR EYES WHEN THEY GET UP IN THE MORNING?
A: Because they don't have any balls to scratch.

[jnettl2]

I'll rate the balls one, since its my favorite, at 7/10.

Why didn't the little kids see the pirate movie?
It was rated arrrrggghhhh

I love pirate jokes.

[Regit]

Umm... I'll rate it a 7/10. Preety Funny.

An old Arab lived close to New York City for more than 40 years. One day he decided that he wanted to plant potatoes and herbs in his garden, but he knew he was alone and too old and weak. His son was in college in Paris, so the old man sent him an e-mail explaining the problem: "Beloved son, I am very sad, because I can't plant potatoes in my garden. I am sure, if only you were here, that you would help me and dig up the garden for me. I love you, your father."

The following day, the old man received an e-mail from his son: "Beloved father, please don't touch the garden. That is where I have hidden 'the THING.' I love you, too, Ahmed." At 4pm the FBI and the Rangers visited the house of the old man and took the whole garden apart, searching every inch. But they couldn't find anything. Disappointed, they left the house. The next day, the old man received another e-mail from his son: "Beloved father, I hope the garden is dug up by now and you can plant your potatoes. That is all I could do for you from here. Your loving son, Ahmed."

[Pengo]

10/10 man, that was great :lmao:

When Bob found out he was going to inherit a fortune when his sickly father died, he decided he needed a woman to enjoy it with. So one evening he went to a singles bar where he spotted the most beautiful woman he had ever seen.

Her natural beauty took his breath away. "I may look like just an ordinary man," he said as he walked up to her, "but in just a week or two my father will die, and I'll inherit 20 million dollars."

Impressed, the woman went home with him that evening.

Three days later, she became his stepmother.

[Anime_Freak]

4/10 I've heard it at least 5 times..
Q: Whats the difference between a nigger and a bucket of shit?
A: The bucket.

Q: What do you call 10,000 niggers in the sea?
A: An oil spill.

Q: What do you call 100 year old niggers?
A: Ancient farm equipment.

[Lepage_Is_god]

Pretty funny i say 7/10

[bigdaddylove]

God despite his promise to the human race gets pissed and wipes everyone out again. This time there's no Noah or animals just 3 guys. A white guy, a black guy, and a chinese guy... God comes out of the heavens and informs the men that they must build a shelter and collect some supplies and when they were done he would supply them with women and allow them to repopulate the earth.

God leaves and the white guy says "hey, lets dig a cave.. black guy you dig the cave, i'll build a door, and chinese guy you go get supplies." So the day goes by and the black guy finishes the cave, the white guy finishes the door and they both go outside to look for the chinese guy.. Then they see the chinese guy on his way back but with no supplies. When he gets close enough the white guy says, "dude what the hell were you doing all day.. i thought we told you to get us supplies!" Chinese guy looks and them, smiles and throws his hands up and yells, "SUPPLIES!"

[Nemo]

God despite his promise to the human race gets pissed and wipes everyone out again. This time there's no Noah or animals just 3 guys. A white guy, a black guy, and a chinese guy... God comes out of the heavens and informs the men that they must build a shelter and collect some supplies and when they were done he would supply them with women and allow them to repopulate the earth.

God leaves and the white guy says "hey, lets dig a cave.. black guy you dig the cave, i'll build a door, and chinese guy you go get supplies." So the day goes by and the black guy finishes the cave, the white guy finishes the door and they both go outside to look for the chinese guy.. Then they see the chinese guy on his way back but with no supplies. When he gets close enough the white guy says, "dude what the hell were you doing all day.. i thought we told you to get us supplies!" Chinese guy looks and them, smiles and throws his hands up and yells, "SUPPLIES!"

I give it a 7/10, heard it a lot, but it still cracks me up.



What do you do if you come across the worlds strongest man?




Apologize and wipe it off.

[gators#1]

What's black and white and can't turn around in hallways ?

A nun with a javelin through her head.

holy shit that's got to be one of the funniest things ive ever read.

[Dumpster Cunt]

holy shit that's got to be one of the funniest things ive ever read.

1/10

Why do jewish people breathe 30% of the worlds air.

Because their noses are so huge.

heh I tried.

[bigdaddylove]

1/10

Why do jewish people breathe 30% of the worlds air.

Because their noses are so huge.

heh I tried.

5/10

i'ts MUCH better if you tell it this way


Why do jews haves such big noses?

Because air is free...

[Ænema]

5/10

It's funny, but a little old.

Why aren't there any Wal-Marts in Afganistan?

Because there's a Target around every corner.

[Blade]

5/10 Change the location to Iraq you'll move-up 2 points.

The jokes not up here, it's between your legs.

[TMOON]

Whats the hardest part of a vegetable to eat?
The wheelchair