My joke thread

[jnettl2]

A random assortment of some of my favorite jokes. I hope at least one of these will make you laugh.

How many Zen masters does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
Two. One to change it and one not to change it.

A hamburger walks into a bar and orders a beer. The bartender says, "I'm sorry, sir, we don't serve food here."

Why are pirates so cool?
They just arrrrrggghhhhhhhh

A mushroom walks into a bar. The bartender looks up and says, "I'm sorry, sir, we don't serve mushrooms here." The mushroom replies," Why not, I'm a fun guy? (fungi)

One from my stoner highschool days: How many Super Saiyan's does it take to screw in a lightbulb? One, but it takes 3 episodes.

A priest, an irishman, and a duck walk into a bar, the bartender says, " What is this, some kind of joke?

An priest and a rabbi walk by a school. The priest says, "Wanna go fuck some kids?" The rabbi replies, "Out of what?"

Thats all I got now. If you guys like these at all I'll update this thread whenever I come across another joke I think is share-worthy. If these seem corny to you, remember, never underestimate the importance of a well-placed corny joke with the ladies. :raiseeyeb

[$T3VY]

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[4savo4]

What's the difference between paris hilton and polos? People like polos.

[Trevi626]

Lol at the last one. Yeah I have to admit, corny jokes are fucking funny in the morning.

[Nemo]

What's the difference between paris hilton and polos? People like polos.

Spearmint FTW!

Some of my favorite jokes:

A guy walks into a bar holding three ducks. He sets them on the bar and orders a drink. After talking with the bartender for a while, the man excuses himself to use the restroom.
The bartender feel a tad awkward with just himself and three ducks at the bar, so he decides to make small talk with them.
He asks the first duck, "What's your name?"
"Huey," replies the duck.
"So, how's your day been?"
"Oh, I've had a great day," replies Huey. "I've been in and out of puddles all day."
The bartender asks the second duck, "What's your name?"
"Duey," replies the duck.
"So, how's your day been?"
"Oh, I've had a great day," replies Duey. "I've been in and out of puddles all day."
The witty bartender says to the third duck, "So I guess your name is Louie?"
The duck replies, "No, I'm Puddles."

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A mangy looking guy who goes into a bar and orders a drink. The bartender says, "No way, pal. I don't think you can pay for it."
"You're right," the guy says. "I don't have any money, but if I show you something you haven't seen before, will you give me a drink?"
"You have a deal, my friend," says the bartender.
The guy reaches into his coat pocket and pulls out a hamster. He puts the hamster on the bar and it runs to the end of the bar, down the side of the bar, across the room, up the piano, onto the keyboard and starts playing Gershwin music. The hamster can really play...
"You're right... I've never seen anything like that before," says the bartender. "That hamster is really gifted."
The guy downs the drink and asks the bartender for another. "Will that be cash or another miracle, pal?" asks the bartender.
"Watch this," replies the guy. Again, he reaches into his coat again and pulls out a frog. He puts the frog onto the bar, and the frog starts to sing. The frog has a marvellous voice and great pitch. A fine singer. A stranger from the other end of the bar runs over to the guy and offers him $300 for the frog.
"It's a deal," says the guy. He takes the three hundred and gives the stranger the frog. The stranger runs out of the bar.
"Are you some kind of nut?" asks the bartender. "You sold a singing frog for $300? It could have been worth millions. You must be crazy."
"Not so," says the guy. "The hamster is a ventriloquist."

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One Saturday afternoon, a man was sitting in his lawn chair drinking beer and watching his wife mow the lawn.
A neighbor lady was so outraged at this, she came over and shouted at the man, "You should be hung!"
To which he calmly replied, "I am. That's why she cuts the grass"

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There was this duck that walked into a bar and sat down in a stool and the bartender said, "can I help you"?
The duck said, "quack, quack, quack, got any raisins?"
The bartender said, "NO! This is a bar and we don't sell raisins."
The duck walked out and then he came in the next day and sat in the very same stool!
The bartender walked over and asked him if he could help him?
The duck said, "quack, quack, quack, got any raisins?"
The bartender said, "NO this is a BAR we don't sell raisins!" So the duck walked out again and left.
He came back the next day and sat in the same stool once again!
The duck yelled at the bartender, "quack, quack, quack, got any raisins?"
The bartender said, "NO. And if you come back here once more I am gonna nail your webbed feet to the ground and you are gonna die there."
The duck said, "ok", and left.
The next day came and sure enough the duck came back except he only peeped his head inside the door.
He said, "quack, quack, quack, got any nails?"
The bartender replied, "No!"
The duck said "quack, quack, quack, you got any raisins?"