TRANSFORMERS, The Departed and 300....in five minutes.

[Fish_Bone]

Rod Hilton is a fucking genius. I don't agree with him all the time, but his points are embarrassingly valid. I loved two of the three movies in this thread's title and simply thought The Departed was just okay (after reading Rod's abridged screenplay of The Departed (http://www.the-editing-room.com/departed.html), it has now been demoted to guilty pleasure). Of course these are only a handful of his wonderfully revised screenplays that I've read recently.

I share with the rest of you this treasure I've found:

http://www.the-editing-room.com/category/abridged-scripts

[atreyu_2020]

Haha, the one for The Departed was pretty funny. Pretty much exposing it for what it is, an average fun flick that gets so much butt love it's ridiculous. One of the most overrated films ever made. And the one for 300 was grand, that was just a shitty film.

Thank ya, sah. Ah’ll be shar ta, eh, leak so much infamation as ta clearly indacate Ah’m, eh, a raht.

MARK WAHLBERG
Jesus Christ. Is that your Boston accent? I grew up in Massachusetts, man.

MATT DAMON
Yeah, ah, so did ah.

MARK WAHLBERG
Lord. Did you ever leave the house or did you just watch stereotypes on Saturday Night Live? This is supposed to be a serious movie.

Hahahaha.

EDIT: Just read "Click", good shit.

KATE BECKINSALE
Wow, so this movie is actually kind of normal so far. Maybe it’s not going to be one of Adam Sandler’s retarded comedies filled with juvenile toilet humor.

Suddenly, the DOG humps a stuffed duck. ADAM does his trademark OBNOXIOUS YELLING and everyone swears a lot.

KATE BECKINSALE
Nevermind.

Oh my fucking god, this shit is better then Maddox. This guy is ruthless.

[Waffle]

haha. I love the one for Transformers. :lol:

PETER CULLEN
I am Peter Cullen, leader of the Autobots. We learned English using the internet.

SHIA LABEOUF
Didn’t you guys just arrive in comets? How did you have internet access?

PETER CULLEN
Umm…

SHIA LABEOUF
It’s a crime someone as breathtakingly stupid as Michael Bay gets to be so rich.

[atreyu_2020]

From The Di Vinci Code.

JEAN RENO
Tom, the curator of the Louvre left a humorously complex message before he died. I need you to help decode it.

TOM HANKS
Er, well breaking modern codes takes computers performing complex cryptanalysis algorithms.

JEAN RENO
Oh, no, not those kinds of codes. Like, letters rearranged and words written backwards. The kind of codes 10-year-olds solve on long car trips.

[Rev'd_Flasher]

Good find. I particularly like this one from Star Wars 3:

IAN MCDIARMID

You seem worried about Natalie dying. Also, you’re confused about being a Jedi.

HAYDEN CHRISTENSEN

(furrowing his brow)

They don’t want me to fuck Natalie Portman. That’s insanity. Did you see her in Closer? Holy fuck.

This guy is great.

[Victor Franko]

Pearl Harbor:

DIRECTOR MICHAEL BAY

Hey Jerry, you know how I like blowing stuff up? Well I was thinking, we should make a really patriotic movie like Armageddon, but at Pearl Harbor. We can blow up a lot of stuff.

PRODUCER JERRY BRUCKHEIMER

Sounds like a good idea to me, Mike, but how will we ever make a whole movie out of a single bombing?

DIRECTOR MICHAEL BAY

Hmm. Oh, we could add a completely extraneous and overdramatic love story! And I bet we could even make this monstrosity over three hours long!

PRODUCER JERRY BRUCKHEIMER

Brilliant! It’ll cost more than the war itself! Ha ha ha

DIRECTOR MICHAEL BAY

Mwa Ha ha ha ha!

[Just Spurplin]

Haha, the one for The Departed was pretty funny. Pretty much exposing it for what it is, an average fun flick that gets so much butt love it's ridiculous. One of the most overrated films ever made. And the one for 300 was grand, that was just a shitty film.

Oh don't act like there is any intelligence or strong point behind these things. The guy is just taking popular movies and making everyone think that he hates them, because that pisses some people off, and he is one of those douche bags that gets off on making other people mad. He's got movies like Being John Malkovich, A Beautiful Mind and Kill Bill Vol. 2, and plenty of other movies that if you think suck, I probably won't value your opinion for too many other movies. And the guy is just fucking stupid. Like his Stir of Echoes one. Its SOOOO genius that he realized it was similar to The Sixth Sense, but its kinda too bad that the movie was a book, written years before The Sixth Sense, and the movie was released just a month later, so it couldn't be cashing in on the success. In other words, he's a moron. His take on The Departed is exactly what I would expect a very shallow, very average movie goers to be.

[Joey-Clemenza]

He sounds like a lonely guy.

[Max Zorin]

JUDI DENCH
Makes sense. He plans on blowing up some new plane.
DANIEL CRAIG
I have to rescue a plane? Couldn’t there be a beautiful woman in it? I can’t have sex with a plane.

[Dumpster Cunt]

Haha, the one for The Departed was pretty funny. Pretty much exposing it for what it is, an average fun flick that gets so much butt love it's ridiculous. One of the most overrated films ever made. And the one for 300 was grand, that was just a shitty film.

Thank ya, sah. Ah’ll be shar ta, eh, leak so much infamation as ta clearly indacate Ah’m, eh, a raht.

MARK WAHLBERG
Jesus Christ. Is that your Boston accent? I grew up in Massachusetts, man.

MATT DAMON
Yeah, ah, so did ah.

MARK WAHLBERG
Lord. Did you ever leave the house or did you just watch stereotypes on Saturday Night Live? This is supposed to be a serious movie.

Hahahaha.

EDIT: Just read "Click", good shit.

KATE BECKINSALE
Wow, so this movie is actually kind of normal so far. Maybe it’s not going to be one of Adam Sandler’s retarded comedies filled with juvenile toilet humor.

Suddenly, the DOG humps a stuffed duck. ADAM does his trademark OBNOXIOUS YELLING and everyone swears a lot.

KATE BECKINSALE
Nevermind.

Oh my fucking god, this shit is better then Maddox. This guy is ruthless.

So what movies do you like??

[Kazimierz]

Lolocaust.

[atreyu_2020]

So what movies do you like??

I like The Departed, pay attention skippy. BTW you seem to have quite the fascination following me around. Maybe you really do want to butt rape the shit out of me.

[clutch-monkey]

EWAN MCGREGOR

It’s over, Hayden. I’ve got the high ground, just like Darth Maul did in Episode 1 right before I killed him successfully. Ignoring that, if you jump over to me, I will cut your shit off.

HAYDEN CHRISTENSEN

You underestimate my power to decide not to jump to the low ground in front of you where I will be able to safely continue duelling, but to instead try to jump all the way over you and get my shit cut off!

hahaha there is some funny shit in there :lol:

[Slid3r]

Good find. I found another site like this on StumbleUpon except they satirically summarized a movie in about two lines. I don't have the link anymore though, anyone else know what Im talking about?

SAMUEL L. MOTHERFUCKING JACKSON

Well I’m a mushroom-cloud-layin’ motherfucker, motherfucker! Every time my fingers touch my lightsaber I’m Superfly TNT. I’m the Guns of Navarone.

____

HAYDEN CHRISTENSEN

Oh baby, I’m sorry. I only force choke you because I love you. Come back to me baby.

hahaha, holy shit this is funny

[rhodes1]

"SHIA LABEOUF

Wait, transformers can just turn into a completely different machines whenever they want? That completely invalidates the premise. Why does Bumblebee retain aspects of the Camaro when in robot mode if he could just shapeshift into any kind of robot he wants at will?

CHEVROLET

So that we can sell cars, moron. What do you think the point of the movie is, to explore the human condition? Chevrolet: An American Revolution. "


So true . .

[Fish_Bone]

He’s definitely one of the most curmudgeonly presumptuous film elitist since Peter Biskind or Bosley Crowther. And I also find it hard to accept that he truly despises every film on his take-no-prisoners list of derision.

If you guys want to see a similar website that's even shorter to the point and includes older films, here you go:

Movie-a-Minute (http://www.rinkworks.com/movieaminute/)

And if you're a literary aficionado like me:

Book-a-Minute (http://www.rinkworks.com/bookaminute/)

[saharmalika]

LOL! I love this from The Holiday:

CAMERON also has trouble walking on ice in high heels and she drinks wine straight from the bottle excitedly!

[Rev'd_Flasher]

And if you're a literary aficionado like me:

Book-a-Minute (http://www.rinkworks.com/bookaminute/)
That site, sir, has been bookmarked. Good find, and good job posting it here.

I particularly liked the condensed version of "The Collected Work of Anne McCaffrey". My missus reads a lot of her books, and in an effort to share one of her hobbies I read a couple, and I could have saved myself some time by reading this site as the condensed version is spot on.
I also liked the condensed Isaac Asimov books too.

Good job.

[clutch-monkey]

He’s definitely one of the most curmudgeonly presumptuous film elitist since Peter Biskind or Bosley Crowther. And I also find it hard to accept that he truly despises every film on his take-no-prisoners list of derision.

If you guys want to see a similar website that's even shorter to the point and includes older films, here you go:

Movie-a-Minute (http://www.rinkworks.com/movieaminute/)

And if you're a literary aficionado like me:

Book-a-Minute (http://www.rinkworks.com/bookaminute/)
haha both of those are great.
for the movie doom:
start

Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson
iddqd




THE END

[Wu-tang]

Shang Tsung

Back, Back, Forward, Forward + High Punch

Liu Kang

Down, Forward, Back, Back + High Kick



THE END

[skater910]

Dr. Strangelove or: How I Learned To Stop Worrying and Love the Bomb

Oops.

THE END.