Holiday Jokes

[Makron]

Joke 1:

What can you wear that never goes out of style?

A Smile :bigwink:

Joke 2:

What is a popular wine around Christmas time?

"But Mom, I don't want to eat my brussel sprouts!"

[its me]

hahaahahahahahaha...no just just stop

[BattleShip Ron]

A man in Chicago calls his son in New York the day before Christmas and says, "I hate to ruin Christmas this year, but I have to tell you that your mother and I are divorcing; forty-five years of misery is enough."

"Pop, what are you talking about?" the son screams.

"We can't stand the sight of each other any longer," the father says. "We're sick of each other, and I'm sick of talking about this, so you call your sister in Atlanta and tell her."

Frantic, the son calls his sister, who explodes on the phone. "Like hell they're getting divorced," she shouts, "I'll take care of this."

She calls Chicago immediately, and screams at her father, "You are NOT getting divorced. Don't do a single thing until I get there. I'm calling my brother back and we'll both be there tomorrow. Until then, don't do a thing, DO YOU HEAR ME?" and hangs up.

The old man hangs up his phone and turns to his wife. "Okay," he says, "they're coming for Christmas and paying their own way."

[Nemo]

A man in Chicago calls his son in New York the day before Christmas and says, "I hate to ruin Christmas this year, but I have to tell you that your mother and I are divorcing; forty-five years of misery is enough."

"Pop, what are you talking about?" the son screams.

"We can't stand the sight of each other any longer," the father says. "We're sick of each other, and I'm sick of talking about this, so you call your sister in Atlanta and tell her."

Frantic, the son calls his sister, who explodes on the phone. "Like hell they're getting divorced," she shouts, "I'll take care of this."

She calls Chicago immediately, and screams at her father, "You are NOT getting divorced. Don't do a single thing until I get there. I'm calling my brother back and we'll both be there tomorrow. Until then, don't do a thing, DO YOU HEAR ME?" and hangs up.

The old man hangs up his phone and turns to his wife. "Okay," he says, "they're coming for Christmas and paying their own way."

That was excellent.

OP...they are not jokes.

[4savo4]

Why was Santa's little helper unhappy?
He suffered from low elf esteem.

I know shoot me now.

[Rapex]

Why is santa so jolly?
He knows all the naughty girls.

[EVO_9MR]

Q:Why is santa a pedophile?
A:He knows when the kids go to sleep.


i tried

[Kaije]

this should be renamed to "Holiday Jokes 40 Year Old People Enjoy".

[4savo4]

What has Santa and Micheal Jackson got in common?

They both go into little boys rooms and empty their sacks.