The_Jag
07-24-2008, 07:55 AM
After retiring, I went to the Social Security office to apply for
Social Security. The woman behind the counter asked me for my
driver's license to verify my age. I looked in my pockets and realized I had
left my wallet at home. I told the woman that I was very sorry, but
I would have to go home and come back later. The woman said,
'Unbutton your shirt'.
So I opened my shirt revealing my curly silver hair. She said,
'That silver hair on your chest is proof enough for me' and she processed
my Social Security application. When I got home, I excitedly told my
wife about my experience at the Social Security office. She said, 'You
should have dropped your pants. You might have gotten disability,
too'.
And then the fight started.....
************************************************** *******
My wife and I were sitting at a table at my high school reunion,
and I kept staring at a drunken lady swigging he r drink as she sat alone
at a nearby table. My wife asked, 'Do you know her?' 'Yes,' I sighed,
She's my old girlfriend. I understand she took to drinking right
after we split up those many years a go, and I hear she hasn't been sober
since.' 'My God!' says my wife, 'Who would think a person could go
on celebrating that long?'
And then the fight started.....
************************************************** *******
I rear-ended a car this morning. So, there we were alongside the
road and slowly the other driver got out of his car. You know how
sometimes you just get soooo stressed and little things just seem funny?
Yeah,
well I couldn't believe it.... he was a DWARF!!! He stormed over to
my car, looked up at me, and shouted, 'I AM NOT HAPPY!!!' So, I looked
down at him and said, 'Well, then which one are you?'
And then the fight started... ..
************************************************** ******
A woman is standing nude, looking in the bedroom mirror. She is not
happy with what she sees and says to her husband, 'I feel horrible;
I look old, fat and ugly. I really need you to pay me a compliment.'
The husband replies, 'Your eyesight's damn near perfect.
And then the fight started.....
Social Security. The woman behind the counter asked me for my
driver's license to verify my age. I looked in my pockets and realized I had
left my wallet at home. I told the woman that I was very sorry, but
I would have to go home and come back later. The woman said,
'Unbutton your shirt'.
So I opened my shirt revealing my curly silver hair. She said,
'That silver hair on your chest is proof enough for me' and she processed
my Social Security application. When I got home, I excitedly told my
wife about my experience at the Social Security office. She said, 'You
should have dropped your pants. You might have gotten disability,
too'.
And then the fight started.....
************************************************** *******
My wife and I were sitting at a table at my high school reunion,
and I kept staring at a drunken lady swigging he r drink as she sat alone
at a nearby table. My wife asked, 'Do you know her?' 'Yes,' I sighed,
She's my old girlfriend. I understand she took to drinking right
after we split up those many years a go, and I hear she hasn't been sober
since.' 'My God!' says my wife, 'Who would think a person could go
on celebrating that long?'
And then the fight started.....
************************************************** *******
I rear-ended a car this morning. So, there we were alongside the
road and slowly the other driver got out of his car. You know how
sometimes you just get soooo stressed and little things just seem funny?
Yeah,
well I couldn't believe it.... he was a DWARF!!! He stormed over to
my car, looked up at me, and shouted, 'I AM NOT HAPPY!!!' So, I looked
down at him and said, 'Well, then which one are you?'
And then the fight started... ..
************************************************** ******
A woman is standing nude, looking in the bedroom mirror. She is not
happy with what she sees and says to her husband, 'I feel horrible;
I look old, fat and ugly. I really need you to pay me a compliment.'
The husband replies, 'Your eyesight's damn near perfect.
And then the fight started.....