View Full Version : your best joke
kubo76
08-15-2008, 06:42 AM
here is my :)
A man is talking to God.
The man: "God, how long is a million years?"
God: "To me, it's about a minute."
The man: "God, how much is a million dollars?"
God: "To me it's a penny."
The man: "God, may I have a penny?"
God: "Wait a minute."
Peer_Pwnage
08-15-2008, 04:42 PM
Lol I get it, it's funny because god doesn't exist.
chalupa
08-15-2008, 04:44 PM
Lol I get it, it's funny because god doesn't exist.
Nice.
My favorite joke:
So this giraffe walks up to an elephant and goes, "Hey! Why the long face?"
Actually that isn't my favorite joke at all.
Sambo Speed
08-15-2008, 06:14 PM
What's E.T. short for?
Cuz he's got little legs.
I like it cuz it has the word 'little' in it and that, to me, is a funny word.
EDIT: Ooooooooooh 333 posts, that's half of the devil if you read the old bible.
EDIT EDIT: No wait, the new bible.
MattyB
08-16-2008, 03:39 AM
Why are black guys getting stronger?
Because tv's are getting bigger.
Sambo Speed
08-16-2008, 06:34 AM
Why are black guys getting stronger?
Because tv's are getting bigger.
Lol, reminds me of:
What should you do if your TV starts floating around the room at night?
Yell "Freeze Nigger!"
kubo76
08-16-2008, 09:25 AM
Two irish walking past a pub.
Josh122
08-16-2008, 04:33 PM
Two irish walking out a pub.
fixed
10 fixed.
Why does Dr. Pepper come in a bottle?
Because his wife is dead.
Total Madman
08-16-2008, 07:52 PM
Why does Dr. Pepper come in a bottle?
Because his wife is dead.
I lol'd
A joke I made up:
Two black guys walk into a liquor store and don't rob it,
Mr.SelfDestruct
08-16-2008, 10:26 PM
What's the difference between sand and menstrual blood?
You can't gargle sand.
theres 2 muffins in an oven.
one of the muffins says to the other muffin... "boy... its getting hot in here!"
the other muffin hears and looks at him and says... "OMFG A TALKING MUFFIN!!!!"
Taken
08-17-2008, 09:05 AM
A native and a black guy are in a car...Whos driving?
...
the cops.
Fireal87
08-19-2008, 02:28 AM
whats the difference between a book and a booger?
the booger goes under the table.
HAHAHAHALMFAOHAHA
brdispatch05
08-19-2008, 02:30 AM
Why do girls wear makeup and perfume??
Because they are ugly and smell bad, lol
Just a nobody
08-19-2008, 03:15 AM
a black guy walks into court wearing flip flops, a bathing suit, tank top, sunglasses, and a straw hat.
the judge says "why are you dressed liked that in my court?"
the black guy says, "you said you were gonna put me on vacation"
the judge says "No, I said I was gonna put you in the can, koon
lynxsa
08-22-2008, 03:36 PM
whats the difference between madeline mc cain and pope john the 3rd?
The pope died a virgin
meat sandwich
08-25-2008, 02:26 AM
whats the difference between madeline mc cain and pope john the 3rd?
The pope died a virgin
:ahhh::ahhh::ahhh:
Jakobee
08-25-2008, 08:56 AM
What do Madeline McCan and a submarine have in common?
There both at the bottom of the ocean and both full of semen.
How long does it take for a black woman to take a shit?
9 months.
Leumas
08-26-2008, 02:03 AM
here is my :)
A man is talking to God.
The man: "God, how long is a million years?"
God: "To me, it's about a minute."
The man: "God, how much is a million dollars?"
God: "To me it's a penny."
The man: "God, may I have a penny?"
God: "Wait a minute."
Lol I get it, it's funny because god doesn't exist.
LOL Peer_Pwnage you're fucking awesome. i have my eye on you, dont disappoint.
edit: 444 posts, thats like 2/5 of the bible.......
John_macmahon
08-26-2008, 07:28 PM
What do Madeline McCan and a submarine have in common?
There both at the bottom of the ocean and both full of semen.
How long does it take for a black woman to take a shit?
9 months.
HAHAHHAHA semen, o sh*t
rakehead
08-26-2008, 09:04 PM
What do Madeline McCan and a submarine have in common?
There both at the bottom of the ocean and both full of semen.
How long does it take for a black woman to take a shit?
9 months.
Renault have released a new model, similar to the Megane Hatch, the Mcann. There's so much room in the back you could lose your kids...
Spiritinthesky
08-27-2008, 12:20 PM
I've got a friend who's fallen in love with two school bags, he's bisatchel.
chalupa
08-27-2008, 12:22 PM
What sound does a baby make in a blender?
I don't know, I was too busy masturbating.
Al Paccioli
08-27-2008, 12:57 PM
What's the hardest thing about tossing a newborn infant down a flight of stairs?
My penis.
What's the difference between a pizza and a black man?
A pizza can feed a family of four.
What's the difference between a pizza and a Jew?
A pizza doesn't cry when you put it in the oven.
How do you stop a baby from falling into a manhole?
Throw a javelin through its head.
What's the difference between a pile of dead bodies and a Lamborghini?
I don't have a Lamborghini in my garage.
I've got a friend who's fallen in love with two school bags, he's bisatchel.
hahahaha
so lame but I lawled
Frood
09-01-2008, 01:44 AM
fixed
10 fixed.
Why does dr. Pepper come in a bottle?
Because his wife is dead.
fuck you and your copycat avatar
GreggyB
09-01-2008, 01:11 PM
What's the difference between a pile of dead bodies and a Lamborghini?
I don't have a Lamborghini in my garage.
LOL i like it
:boink:
userdude621
09-02-2008, 07:48 AM
What's the difference between pink and purple?
Your grip
JonaM
09-02-2008, 10:19 AM
what do you do after you've had a baby?
put the nappy back on.
How many babies does it take to paint a room?
Depends how hard you throw them.
niaz2
09-03-2008, 12:05 PM
hello
this is so nice jokes.
this is enjoyble
thanks
Josh122
09-03-2008, 09:11 PM
Why do you put a baby feet first in a blender?
So you can see it's face whilst your wanking.
Why can't maddie sit down?
Because she is dead.
Whats the difference between maddie and my bike?
My bike doesn't scream when I ride it.
Why couldn't Superman save the world?
Because he is quadriplegic.
DoubleBack
09-03-2008, 10:59 PM
Why did Jesus quit hockey?
He kept getting nailed to the boards.
Smoke Weed
09-03-2008, 11:47 PM
Why did Jesus quit hockey?
He kept getting nailed to the boards.
I always lol at that one.
What's the difference between a truck bed full of bowling balls and a truck bed full of dead babies?
You can't unload a truck bed full of bowling balls with a pitchfork.
particlephysics
09-04-2008, 06:11 PM
Why couldn't Superman save the world?
Because he is quadriplegic. correction hes dead
brdispatch05
09-05-2008, 03:45 PM
my brother just told me this
Why does Snoop Dog carry an umbrella around?
Fo' Drizzle
mpgorans
09-05-2008, 05:40 PM
A young boy and a middle-aged man are walking into the woods late at night. The boy says "Mister, I'm scared".
The man then says "You're scared-I have to walk out by myself".
EpicSmurfz
09-05-2008, 06:08 PM
What do yu all 4 dead niggers in the back of a Transit van?
- A good days work..
JimHarrington
09-09-2008, 05:57 PM
What is the fatty tissue around the pussy called?
The Woman....
SATAN_WORSHIP
09-19-2008, 10:40 AM
How to make a gal scream two times in a row?
Fuck her arse and wipe yourself with the curtain.
MyNameIsWhat
09-25-2008, 08:21 AM
fixed
10 fixed.
Why does Dr. Pepper come in a bottle?
Because his wife is dead.
/facepalm
IT COMES IN A CAN
KewlDudezForNow
09-25-2008, 09:16 AM
What's the difference between sand and menstrual blood?
You can't gargle sand.
That is fucked up!
the joke is:
How do you starve a nigger? Put his food stamps in his work boots!
Why did the Jews wander in the desert for all those years? One dropped a quarter.
How many jews can you fit in a Volkswagen? 2 in the back, one in the front, and 20 in the ashtray!
kubo76
10-06-2008, 05:29 AM
Young Son: Is it true, Dad, I heard that in some parts of Africa a man doesn't know his wife until he marries her? Dad: That happens in most countries, son.
PokemonMaster
10-07-2008, 12:46 AM
What's funnier than 10 babies in 10 dumpsters?
One baby in ten dumpsters.
onetoolfan
10-07-2008, 02:44 AM
Even funnier? 10 dumpsters in one baby.
lolz...nice jokes out there..more jokes please..lmao:
Trevi626
10-08-2008, 11:27 PM
A sign in the dentist's office read:
"Please be nice to our dentists, they have fillings too!"
...
LAWL!
Jaythrilla xX
10-08-2008, 11:56 PM
Little Jack Horner sat in the corner eating a pizza pie, He shit pepperoni, blew his friend Tony, wiped his mouth on his tie!!! OOHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!
hellbound74
10-09-2008, 05:58 PM
Little Jack Horner sat in the corner eating a pizza pie, He shit pepperoni, blew his friend Tony, wiped his mouth on his tie!!! OOHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!
I thought it was
Little boy Blue....Cause he needed the money. OHHHHHH
or
Peter peter Pumkin eater had a wife loved to beat her Slapped her twice in the head
Fucked her ass
and went to bed!!
Mattjam
10-11-2008, 08:46 PM
/facepalm
IT COMES IN A CAN
Psst... I heard it comes in both.
jasminecameron
10-13-2008, 06:01 AM
A guy walks into a post office one day to see a middle-aged, balding man standing at the counter methodically placing "Love" stamps on bright pink envelopes with hearts all over them. He then takes out a perfume bottle and starts spraying scent all over them. His curiosity gets the better of him and he goes up to the balding man and asks him what he's doing.
"I'm sending out 1,000 Valentine's Day cards signed, 'Guess who?'"
"But why?" asks the man.
"I'm a divorce lawyer."
-----------------
Jasmine
Guaranteed ROI (http://www.widedriven.com)
skeen
10-14-2008, 03:24 PM
^^:lmao:^^
What do you call a bunch of black guys in a barn?
Antique farm equipment.
________________
What's the difference between a gay guy and a microwave?
A microwave won't brown your meat.
________________
What do you call an Asian with one leg shorter than the other?
Irene
wow! lmao: more jokes please...
skeen
10-15-2008, 06:21 PM
Q: How did the redneck girl know her mother was on the rag?
A: Her brothers dick tasted funny
Q: How do Redneck farmers find their sheep in long grass?
A: Very satisfying.
Q: Why do you duct tape hamsters?
A: To stop them splitting apart when you fuck them.
Q: How do you get 200 cows into a small shed?
A: Put a BINGO sign outside.
Q: What do you do if you find an epileptic having a fit in your bath?
A: Throw in your dirty laundry.
Q: Did you hear about the blind guy who was given a cheese grater for Christmas?
A: Said it was the most violent thing he had ever read.
EFast
10-15-2008, 07:11 PM
Not sure if these were mentioned
Q. Why did the monkey fall out of the tree?
A. Cuz it was dead.
Q. What do you do when your dishwasher stops working?
A. Yell at her.
Q. What did the blind man say as he passed the fish market?
A. Good morning girls.
willsk84food.
10-15-2008, 07:43 PM
A man shoots a spanish guy...
The end.
skeen
10-15-2008, 08:43 PM
Q: Why did Michael Jackson send $50,000 to "Boyz to Men"?
A: He thought it was an escort agency
A: What is the difference between Michael Jackson and a shopping bag?
Q: One is made of plastic and dangerous to children and the other is used to carry your groceries.
Q: whats 6.9?
A: a good thing ruined by a period.
Q: What's the difference between oral sex and anal sex?
A: One makes your day, the other makes your hole weak.
Q: What's so good about an Ethiopian blow-job?
A: You know she'll swallow.
Q: Why did God create yeast infections?
A: So women would know what it's like to live with an irritating cunt once in a while too.
Q: How do you get a dog to stop humping your leg?
A: Pick it up and suck it's dick.
Q: How do you circumcise a redneck?
A: Kick his sister in the chin.
Q: Why can't Ray Charles read?
A: because he's black.
Q: How do you blind an Asian?
A: Put a windshield in front of them
Q: Whats the object of Jewish football?
A: To get the quarter back.
Q: who was the best jewish cook?
A: Hitler!!!!!
Q: What's the definition of a Jewish dilemma?
A: Free ham
kubo76
10-20-2008, 05:29 AM
My uncle is with the FBI. They caught him in Cleveland.
A man was coming out of the bar late at night , he looked pretty drunk . He got into his bus , sat next to an elderly women . The old women said Your going straight to hell . The drunk man said wrong bus and left.
More jokes pls!
.P.F.X.
10-27-2008, 10:15 AM
Q:whats the difference between a skip(dumpster) full of babies and a skip full of marbles?
A:you can empty a skip full of babies with a pitchfork...
onetoolfan
10-28-2008, 11:38 PM
The boy eventually gets home. His father asks him how his day went. He says, "I got a fuck for a duck, a duck for a fuck, and 50 bucks for a fucked up duck!"
*fixed
10fixds
ItalianPunk
11-02-2008, 12:18 PM
Yo momma is so fat that when she fell down, I didn't laugh, but the ground was cracking up.
Runner up:
What's the difference between a lawyer and a hooker?
A hooker doesn't screw you after you're already dead
osiris
11-02-2008, 01:54 PM
I heard your mom likes seafood, so I gave her crabs.
kubo76
11-03-2008, 04:28 PM
TEACHER: Well, at least there's one thing I can say about your son.
FATHER: What's that?
TEACHER: With grades like these, he couldn't be cheating.
Hobos_A_Poppin
11-05-2008, 02:08 PM
What's the difference between a catholic priest and pimples?
Pimples wait until you hit puberty before they come on your face.
rdubbs
11-06-2008, 02:11 PM
What's the difference between pink and purple?
Your grip
Water meet computer screen, good one.
Sambo Speed
11-06-2008, 06:07 PM
A couple of oldies but goodies:
Q: Which of the Marx brothers has the dirtiest pants?
A: Skid Marx!
and
Q: What kind of bees produce milk?
A: Boobies!
Two men walk into a bar
One make says a joke
The other man laughs because it is so funny
Jordan
11-12-2008, 01:12 AM
two men walk into a bar
one make says a joke
the other man laughs because it is so funny
Winrar!
Winrar!
kubo76
11-12-2008, 08:42 AM
"You seem to be in some distress," said the kindly judge to the witness. "Is anything the matter?"
"Well, your Honour," said the witness, "I swore to tell the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth, but every time I try, some lawyer objects."
joric
11-17-2008, 06:10 AM
here is my :)
A man is talking to God.
The man: "God, how long is a million years?"
God: "To me, it's about a minute."
The man: "God, how much is a million dollars?"
God: "To me it's a penny."
The man: "God, may I have a penny?"
God: "Wait a minute."
LOL that was good.
kubo76
11-17-2008, 06:36 AM
An astronomer, a physicist and a mathematician are on a train in Scotland. The astronomer looks out of the window, sees a black sheep standing in a field, and remarks, "How odd. Scottish sheep are black."
"No, no, no!" says the physicist. "Only some Scottish sheep are black."
The mathematician rolls his eyes at his companions' muddled thinking and says, "In Scotland, there is at least one field, containing at least one sheep, at least one side of which appears black from here."
particlephysics
11-20-2008, 06:42 PM
why did the hookers,sluts, and whores go to college. CAUSE THEY ALL GOT A "FULL RIDE".
An astronomer, a physicist and a mathematician are on a train in Scotland. The astronomer looks out of the window, sees a black sheep standing in a field, and remarks, "How odd. Scottish sheep are black."
"No, no, no!" says the physicist. "Only some Scottish sheep are black."
The mathematician rolls his eyes at his companions' muddled thinking and says, "In Scotland, there is at least one field, containing at least one sheep, at least one side of which appears black from here."
i can't process this
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