your best joke

[kubo76]

here is my :)

A man is talking to God.

The man: "God, how long is a million years?"
God: "To me, it's about a minute."
The man: "God, how much is a million dollars?"
God: "To me it's a penny."
The man: "God, may I have a penny?"
God: "Wait a minute."

[Peer_Pwnage]

Lol I get it, it's funny because god doesn't exist.

[chalupa]

Lol I get it, it's funny because god doesn't exist.

Nice.


My favorite joke:

So this giraffe walks up to an elephant and goes, "Hey! Why the long face?"


Actually that isn't my favorite joke at all.

[Sambo Speed]

What's E.T. short for?

Cuz he's got little legs.

I like it cuz it has the word 'little' in it and that, to me, is a funny word.

EDIT: Ooooooooooh 333 posts, that's half of the devil if you read the old bible.

EDIT EDIT: No wait, the new bible.

[MattyB]

Why are black guys getting stronger?

Because tv's are getting bigger.

[Sambo Speed]

Why are black guys getting stronger?

Because tv's are getting bigger.

Lol, reminds me of:

What should you do if your TV starts floating around the room at night?

Yell "Freeze Nigger!"

[kubo76]

Two irish walking past a pub.

[Josh122]

Two irish walking out a pub.

fixed

10 fixed.

Why does Dr. Pepper come in a bottle?

Because his wife is dead.

[Total Madman]

Why does Dr. Pepper come in a bottle?

Because his wife is dead.

I lol'd

A joke I made up:

Two black guys walk into a liquor store and don't rob it,

[Mr.SelfDestruct]

What's the difference between sand and menstrual blood?

You can't gargle sand.

[cbm]

theres 2 muffins in an oven.

one of the muffins says to the other muffin... "boy... its getting hot in here!"

the other muffin hears and looks at him and says... "OMFG A TALKING MUFFIN!!!!"

[Taken]

A native and a black guy are in a car...Whos driving?
...


the cops.

[Fireal87]

whats the difference between a book and a booger?
the booger goes under the table.

HAHAHAHALMFAOHAHA

[brdispatch05]

Why do girls wear makeup and perfume??




































Because they are ugly and smell bad, lol

[Just a nobody]

a black guy walks into court wearing flip flops, a bathing suit, tank top, sunglasses, and a straw hat.

the judge says "why are you dressed liked that in my court?"

the black guy says, "you said you were gonna put me on vacation"

the judge says "No, I said I was gonna put you in the can, koon

[lynxsa]

whats the difference between madeline mc cain and pope john the 3rd?

The pope died a virgin

[meat sandwich]

whats the difference between madeline mc cain and pope john the 3rd?

The pope died a virgin


:ahhh::ahhh::ahhh:

[Jakobee]

What do Madeline McCan and a submarine have in common?
There both at the bottom of the ocean and both full of semen.

How long does it take for a black woman to take a shit?
9 months.

[Leumas]

here is my :)

A man is talking to God.

The man: "God, how long is a million years?"
God: "To me, it's about a minute."
The man: "God, how much is a million dollars?"
God: "To me it's a penny."
The man: "God, may I have a penny?"
God: "Wait a minute."

Lol I get it, it's funny because god doesn't exist.


LOL Peer_Pwnage you're fucking awesome. i have my eye on you, dont disappoint.

edit: 444 posts, thats like 2/5 of the bible.......

[John_macmahon]

What do Madeline McCan and a submarine have in common?
There both at the bottom of the ocean and both full of semen.

How long does it take for a black woman to take a shit?
9 months.

HAHAHHAHA semen, o sh*t

[rakehead]

What do Madeline McCan and a submarine have in common?
There both at the bottom of the ocean and both full of semen.

How long does it take for a black woman to take a shit?
9 months.

Renault have released a new model, similar to the Megane Hatch, the Mcann. There's so much room in the back you could lose your kids...

[Spiritinthesky]

I've got a friend who's fallen in love with two school bags, he's bisatchel.

[chalupa]

What sound does a baby make in a blender?


I don't know, I was too busy masturbating.

[Al Paccioli]

What's the hardest thing about tossing a newborn infant down a flight of stairs?

My penis.

What's the difference between a pizza and a black man?

A pizza can feed a family of four.

What's the difference between a pizza and a Jew?

A pizza doesn't cry when you put it in the oven.

How do you stop a baby from falling into a manhole?

Throw a javelin through its head.

What's the difference between a pile of dead bodies and a Lamborghini?

I don't have a Lamborghini in my garage.

[poot]

I've got a friend who's fallen in love with two school bags, he's bisatchel.


hahahaha

so lame but I lawled

[Frood]

fixed

10 fixed.

Why does dr. Pepper come in a bottle?

Because his wife is dead.
fuck you and your copycat avatar

[GreggyB]

What's the difference between a pile of dead bodies and a Lamborghini?

I don't have a Lamborghini in my garage.


LOL i like it





:boink:

[userdude621]

What's the difference between pink and purple?

Your grip

[JonaM]

what do you do after you've had a baby?

put the nappy back on.

How many babies does it take to paint a room?

Depends how hard you throw them.

[niaz2]

hello

this is so nice jokes.

this is enjoyble
thanks

[Josh122]

Why do you put a baby feet first in a blender?
So you can see it's face whilst your wanking.

Why can't maddie sit down?
Because she is dead.

Whats the difference between maddie and my bike?
My bike doesn't scream when I ride it.

Why couldn't Superman save the world?
Because he is quadriplegic.

[DoubleBack]

Why did Jesus quit hockey?

He kept getting nailed to the boards.

[Smoke Weed]

Why did Jesus quit hockey?

He kept getting nailed to the boards.

I always lol at that one.

What's the difference between a truck bed full of bowling balls and a truck bed full of dead babies?

You can't unload a truck bed full of bowling balls with a pitchfork.

[particlephysics]

Why couldn't Superman save the world?
Because he is quadriplegic. correction hes dead

[brdispatch05]

my brother just told me this


Why does Snoop Dog carry an umbrella around?











Fo' Drizzle

[mpgorans]

A young boy and a middle-aged man are walking into the woods late at night. The boy says "Mister, I'm scared".











The man then says "You're scared-I have to walk out by myself".

[EpicSmurfz]

What do yu all 4 dead niggers in the back of a Transit van?



- A good days work..

[JimHarrington]

What is the fatty tissue around the pussy called?

The Woman....

[SATAN_WORSHIP]

How to make a gal scream two times in a row?


Fuck her arse and wipe yourself with the curtain.

[MyNameIsWhat]

fixed

10 fixed.

Why does Dr. Pepper come in a bottle?

Because his wife is dead.

/facepalm

IT COMES IN A CAN

[KewlDudezForNow]

What's the difference between sand and menstrual blood?

You can't gargle sand.

That is fucked up!


the joke is:

How do you starve a nigger? Put his food stamps in his work boots!

Why did the Jews wander in the desert for all those years? One dropped a quarter.

How many jews can you fit in a Volkswagen? 2 in the back, one in the front, and 20 in the ashtray!

[kubo76]

Young Son: Is it true, Dad, I heard that in some parts of Africa a man doesn't know his wife until he marries her? Dad: That happens in most countries, son.

[PokemonMaster]

What's funnier than 10 babies in 10 dumpsters?

One baby in ten dumpsters.

[onetoolfan]

Even funnier? 10 dumpsters in one baby.

[kebz]

lolz...nice jokes out there..more jokes please..lmao:

[Trevi626]

A sign in the dentist's office read:

"Please be nice to our dentists, they have fillings too!"

...

LAWL!

[Jaythrilla xX]

Little Jack Horner sat in the corner eating a pizza pie, He shit pepperoni, blew his friend Tony, wiped his mouth on his tie!!! OOHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!

[hellbound74]

Little Jack Horner sat in the corner eating a pizza pie, He shit pepperoni, blew his friend Tony, wiped his mouth on his tie!!! OOHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!


I thought it was

Little boy Blue....Cause he needed the money. OHHHHHH
or
Peter peter Pumkin eater had a wife loved to beat her Slapped her twice in the head
Fucked her ass
and went to bed!!

[Mattjam]

/facepalm

IT COMES IN A CAN

Psst... I heard it comes in both.

[jasminecameron]

A guy walks into a post office one day to see a middle-aged, balding man standing at the counter methodically placing "Love" stamps on bright pink envelopes with hearts all over them. He then takes out a perfume bottle and starts spraying scent all over them. His curiosity gets the better of him and he goes up to the balding man and asks him what he's doing.
"I'm sending out 1,000 Valentine's Day cards signed, 'Guess who?'"
"But why?" asks the man.
"I'm a divorce lawyer."
-----------------
Jasmine


Guaranteed ROI (http://www.widedriven.com)

[skeen]

^^:lmao:^^

What do you call a bunch of black guys in a barn?

Antique farm equipment.
________________

What's the difference between a gay guy and a microwave?

A microwave won't brown your meat.
________________

What do you call an Asian with one leg shorter than the other?

Irene

[kebz]

wow! lmao: more jokes please...

[skeen]

Q: How did the redneck girl know her mother was on the rag?
A: Her brothers dick tasted funny

Q: How do Redneck farmers find their sheep in long grass?
A: Very satisfying.

Q: Why do you duct tape hamsters?
A: To stop them splitting apart when you fuck them.

Q: How do you get 200 cows into a small shed?
A: Put a BINGO sign outside.

Q: What do you do if you find an epileptic having a fit in your bath?
A: Throw in your dirty laundry.

Q: Did you hear about the blind guy who was given a cheese grater for Christmas?
A: Said it was the most violent thing he had ever read.

[EFast]

Not sure if these were mentioned

Q. Why did the monkey fall out of the tree?

A. Cuz it was dead.


Q. What do you do when your dishwasher stops working?

A. Yell at her.


Q. What did the blind man say as he passed the fish market?

A. Good morning girls.

[willsk84food.]

A man shoots a spanish guy...

The end.

[skeen]

Q: Why did Michael Jackson send $50,000 to "Boyz to Men"?
A: He thought it was an escort agency

A: What is the difference between Michael Jackson and a shopping bag?
Q: One is made of plastic and dangerous to children and the other is used to carry your groceries.

Q: whats 6.9?
A: a good thing ruined by a period.

Q: What's the difference between oral sex and anal sex?
A: One makes your day, the other makes your hole weak.

Q: What's so good about an Ethiopian blow-job?
A: You know she'll swallow.

Q: Why did God create yeast infections?
A: So women would know what it's like to live with an irritating cunt once in a while too.

Q: How do you get a dog to stop humping your leg?
A: Pick it up and suck it's dick.

Q: How do you circumcise a redneck?
A: Kick his sister in the chin.

Q: Why can't Ray Charles read?
A: because he's black.

Q: How do you blind an Asian?
A: Put a windshield in front of them

Q: Whats the object of Jewish football?
A: To get the quarter back.

Q: who was the best jewish cook?
A: Hitler!!!!!

Q: What's the definition of a Jewish dilemma?
A: Free ham

[kubo76]

My uncle is with the FBI. They caught him in Cleveland.

[Ulio]

A man was coming out of the bar late at night , he looked pretty drunk . He got into his bus , sat next to an elderly women . The old women said Your going straight to hell . The drunk man said wrong bus and left.

More jokes pls!

[.P.F.X.]

Q:whats the difference between a skip(dumpster) full of babies and a skip full of marbles?

A:you can empty a skip full of babies with a pitchfork...

[onetoolfan]

The boy eventually gets home. His father asks him how his day went. He says, "I got a fuck for a duck, a duck for a fuck, and 50 bucks for a fucked up duck!"
*fixed

10fixds

[ItalianPunk]

Yo momma is so fat that when she fell down, I didn't laugh, but the ground was cracking up.

Runner up:

What's the difference between a lawyer and a hooker?

A hooker doesn't screw you after you're already dead

[osiris]

I heard your mom likes seafood, so I gave her crabs.

[kubo76]

TEACHER: Well, at least there's one thing I can say about your son.
FATHER: What's that?
TEACHER: With grades like these, he couldn't be cheating.

[Hobos_A_Poppin]

What's the difference between a catholic priest and pimples?

Pimples wait until you hit puberty before they come on your face.

[rdubbs]

What's the difference between pink and purple?

Your grip

Water meet computer screen, good one.

[Sambo Speed]

A couple of oldies but goodies:

Q: Which of the Marx brothers has the dirtiest pants?

A: Skid Marx!

and

Q: What kind of bees produce milk?

A: Boobies!

[nk47]

Two men walk into a bar

One make says a joke

The other man laughs because it is so funny

[Jordan]

two men walk into a bar

one make says a joke

the other man laughs because it is so funny


Winrar!

Winrar!

[kubo76]

"You seem to be in some distress," said the kindly judge to the witness. "Is anything the matter?"
"Well, your Honour," said the witness, "I swore to tell the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth, but every time I try, some lawyer objects."

[joric]

here is my :)

A man is talking to God.

The man: "God, how long is a million years?"
God: "To me, it's about a minute."
The man: "God, how much is a million dollars?"
God: "To me it's a penny."
The man: "God, may I have a penny?"
God: "Wait a minute."

LOL that was good.

[kubo76]

An astronomer, a physicist and a mathematician are on a train in Scotland. The astronomer looks out of the window, sees a black sheep standing in a field, and remarks, "How odd. Scottish sheep are black."

"No, no, no!" says the physicist. "Only some Scottish sheep are black."

The mathematician rolls his eyes at his companions' muddled thinking and says, "In Scotland, there is at least one field, containing at least one sheep, at least one side of which appears black from here."

[particlephysics]

why did the hookers,sluts, and whores go to college. CAUSE THEY ALL GOT A "FULL RIDE".

[GoSu]

An astronomer, a physicist and a mathematician are on a train in Scotland. The astronomer looks out of the window, sees a black sheep standing in a field, and remarks, "How odd. Scottish sheep are black."

"No, no, no!" says the physicist. "Only some Scottish sheep are black."

The mathematician rolls his eyes at his companions' muddled thinking and says, "In Scotland, there is at least one field, containing at least one sheep, at least one side of which appears black from here."

i can't process this

[TsiCar]

Whats the difference between Christopher Reeves and a plane?

The plane has wings.

[foxtrotman]

A man goes golfing and asks for a golf cart and a caddy. the guy tells him they are all out of caddys, so he will have to take this robot. later he asks the robot for a 9 iron, and the robot says NO NO, you want a six iron. after much of this the man plays the best round of golf in his life.

A week later he goes back and says, i want me one of them robot caddys, i played the best round of golf in my life with that thing. the guy tells him he doesnt have any more robot caddys. why, those were great caddys! well they were shining into peoples eyes. well you could have painted them black. he says, we did, but then 3 didnt come to work, 2 went on welfare, and one is running for president.

[dividingthesky]

What's the difference between a black person and a bicycle?

When you chain up a bike, it doesn't start singing.

[Trevi626]

A man goes golfing and asks for a golf cart and a caddy. the guy tells him they are all out of caddys, so he will have to take this robot. later he asks the robot for a 9 iron, and the robot says NO NO, you want a six iron. after much of this the man plays the best round of golf in his life.

A week later he goes back and says, i want me one of them robot caddys, i played the best round of golf in my life with that thing. the guy tells him he doesnt have any more robot caddys. why, those were great caddys! well they were shining into peoples eyes. well you could have painted them black. he says, we did, but then 3 didnt come to work, 2 went on welfare, and one is running for president.

ahha, one of my friends actually told me this joke, pretty funny.

whats the difference between bigfoot and a black man at work?????

bigfoots been spotted..

[SoSlick]

Superman's patrolling over the beach one summer, on the lookout for anything suspicious. While flying overhead, he spots WonderWoman sunbathing topless. He decides to swoop down and screw her before she even knew what hit her.

After Superman's done his business, WonderWoman perks up and says, "Oh my, what was that?!?"

The InvisibleMan then replies, "I have no idea, but my ass sure hurts."

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Did you know Hellen Keller had a big ass pool in her backyard?

Neither did she.

[Shaster]

What's the difference between a guerilla and a black man?
A guerilla can't talk

Why did the black kid start crying when he had diarhea?
He thought he was melting

What's the opposite of Christopher Reeves?
Christopher Walken

Why did Helen Keller's dog run away?
You would too if your name was "hhhrrrrggrrrrduuuurrrrrrdhhhhhrrrr"

What do a black man and an apple have in common?
They both look good hanging from a tree

[Cluricaun]

Q: What is the difference between a Scotsman and the Rolling Stones?

A: The Rolling Stones say, “Hey you get off of my cloud!” and a Scotsman says, “Hey McLeod, get off of my ewe!”

[kubo76]

Young Son: Is it true, Dad, I heard that in some parts of Africa a man doesn't know his wife until he marries her?
Dad: That happens in most countries, son.

[Pheonix.bradley]

What is brown and rhymes with snoop......



...doctor dre.


A kid asks his dad whats the difference between potentially and realistically, his dad says well son go and ask your mother,sister and brother if they'd sleep with brad pit for a million dollars and let me know what you find out. So he asks them and his mother says no doubt, his sister says boy would I, and the brother says well a million dollars is a lot of money so i guess i would. The boy goes back to his dad and says well i know the difference now, his dad says well what is it son, well dad potentially we're sitting on 3 million dollars, but realistically we're living with 2 whores and a poof.

[Jaythrilla xX]

Last night I saw a handicapped person trying to park in one of our spots and I kicked his ass!

[heidelicious]

theres 2 muffins in an oven.

one of the muffins says to the other muffin... "boy... its getting hot in here!"

the other muffin hears and looks at him and says... "OMFG A TALKING MUFFIN!!!!"

LOL! :lol: this is funny!!

[kubo76]

- Jennifer, wanna go to my place?
- I am not Jennifer
- But I didn't ask about that...

[kriSSm]

After I graduated, I promised myself that I will fully commit to studying the health of monkeys.
Next night when I was choosing a yogurth in a store and wondering about the health of monkeys, I got the feeling that other customers were doing the same thing.

[GoSu]

After I graduated, I promised myself that I will fully commit to studying the health of monkeys.
Next night when I was choosing a yogurth in a store and wondering about the health of monkeys, I got the feeling that other customers were doing the same thing.

What is this nonsense?

[kubo76]

Husband and wife decide to make a password for sex, they decide on 'washing machine'.
Later in bed that night husband says, "Washing machine."
Wife replies, "Not tonight darling I have a sore head."
Half an hour passes and she feels guilty so she says, "Washing machine."
Husband replies, "To late it was only a small load so I decided to do it by hand."

[FuCkUp]

How do you know when your girlfriend is too young for you?

you have to use aeroplane noises to put your cock in her mouth.

How do you know when your sisters on her period?

You can taste it on your dads dick.

[Sambo Speed]

I was invited to a party the other day for people who suffer from premature ejaculation. I phoned the organiser to ask about the dress code and she said "Just come in your pants".

I went to a barbershop the other day that doubles up as a sex shop. I asked for something for the weekend and he handed me a butt plug.

[Curiosity]

My best joke is your birth.

[kubo76]

Man gives blood too save his wifes life.
Few months later they are divorced.
Husband says too wife, "I want my blood back you B.TCH!"
Wife throws the tampon at him and says, "I will pay you back monthly you BASTARD."

[meat sandwich]

Man gives blood too save his wifes life.
Few months later they are divorced.
Husband says too wife, "I want my blood back you B.TCH!"
Wife throws the tampon at him and says, "I will pay you back monthly you BASTARD."

at first i was like :uhoh: but then i was like fail

[doktor2007]

So there are two deaf people--husband and wife. They decide they need some way to communicate when they need or don't need sex so they decide on the following:

Wife says, "if you want sex, pull my left breast, if you don't want sex pull my right breast."

Man says "Fine. If you want sex pull on my penis once, if you don't want sex pull on my penis 250 times."

[couchclimber]

what did the mexican say when the 2 houses fell on top of him....???




"Get off me Homesss!"

[Mike Rowe]

So there are two deaf people--husband and wife. They decide they need some way to communicate when they need or don't need sex so they decide on the following:

Wife says, "if you want sex, pull my left breast, if you don't want sex pull my right breast."

Man says "Fine. If you want sex pull on my penis once, if you don't want sex pull on my penis 250 times."

Yes. Funny.

[DickyColin]

Whats the last thing you want to say in a gay bar?

Can I bum a fag?

lol

[iJon?]

This one's legendary.

So you go up to your friends and say this..

Me: Hey, Billy. Would you tell anyone if you woke up on a camping trip outside of your tent with a broken condom in your ass and a ripped rectum?.. Like, would you tell your parents or the police?

Person(Most will say... No way): I don't know.. :uhoh:

Me: Want to go camping?
:lmao:
:lmao:
:lmao:

[Mattjam]

I had an Alzheimer's joke, but I forgot it.

[FrankLee]

A man is walking down the beach and sees a blonde in a bikini. He approaches and sees a tattoo of a sea shell on her inner thigh, and asks why its there. She replies "If you put your ear to it, you can smell the sea".

Whats a blondes favorite nursery rhyme?


Hump me, Dump me

[johnnyx]

Q: Where do blondes go to meet their relatives? A: The vegetable garden.

Q: How many blondes does it take to play tag? A: One.

Q: What happened to the blonde tap dancer? A: She slipped off and fell down the drain.

Q: What did the blonde say when she looked into a box of Cheerios? A: Hey look, Donut seeds!

Q: What did the blonde name her pet zebra? A: Spotty.

[SevenTwoOffSuit]

What are ya names, neil and bob? or is that what you do?

OHHHHHHHHHH



What does a litter of male puppies and fall out boy have in common?
They are both annoying sons a bitches.

[lynxsa]

pickup line in a gay bar?

can i push in your stool

[SublmnL]

Q: Whats the difference between acne and a priest?
A: Acne waits until you're 14 to cum on you're face
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Q: What is the difference between anal sex and a microwave
A: A microwave doesn't brown your meat
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Q. What is the difference between a clever midget and a venereal disease?
A. One is a cunning runt, and the other is a running cunt
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Q. Why do women have 2% more brains then a cow?
A. So, when you pull their tits they won't shit on the floor.

[Anju]

here is my :)

A man is talking to God.

The man: "God, how long is a million years?"
God: "To me, it's about a minute."
The man: "God, how much is a million dollars?"
God: "To me it's a penny."
The man: "God, may I have a penny?"
God: "Wait a minute."

Ha ha ha ha
how funny
I like it

[FearMe]

:lol: :banghead: :lol:
being a girl myself, I will admit that there is some truth to this joke.


Why do girls wear makeup and perfume??
Because they are ugly and smell bad, lol

[FearMe]

hey ..... why did the jokes stop ?!
more.. more ... more ! pleaseeeeeeeeeeeeee....

[dose]

a guy is all strung out on crack and goes noah's ark on a tropical bird collection... some days later he sees one of his toucans drinking a pint of guiness. his dead ghost wife says "i wonder what two can do?"






then the guy strung out on crack again corrects her grammar, but it is he who is mistaken and they argue, all night long, till every tropical bird dies

[remykwp]

Nothing she dident listen the first 2 times

[Cufflink87]

Why do black people have white hands and feet?
They were on all fours when God spray painted them

What do you call a black person with a peg leg?
shit on a stick

how did they improve traffic in harlem?
moved the trees closer together

[Well Me]

I'll bite.

How do you make a 6 year old girl cry twice?

Wipe your bloody dick on her teddy bear.

What's the worst part about sex with a 6 year old girl?

Wiping the blood off of your clown costume.

[remykwp]

How do you make a dead baby float?



Take your foot off of it!

[kubo76]

Husband always insisted on making love in the dark.
After 20 years wife turns on the light, finds him holding a vibrator.
She goes balistic, "You impotent bas*ard! How could you lie to me all these years?"
Husband looks her straight in the eyes & calmly says, "I'll explain the toy, you explain the kids....."

[kubo76]

A man is on a plane
The pilot starts talking on the intercom and then lays it down without knowing its still on.
The pilot says to the co-pilot, "I could use two things right now, a cup of coffee and a blowjob."
stuartist runs up the isle to tell the pilot to turn off the intercom.
The man stands up and says, "Hey hun, dont forget the coffee."

[ESP83]

why did so many black guys die in vietnam?
-because when the seargent would yell "GET DOWN" they would start dancing


A Black guy walks into a bar with a tucan on his shoulder, and the bartender said to him "thats cool, where did you get it?" and Tucan replied, "In Africa, theres millions of em!"

[SquirrelBite]

why did so many black guys die in vietnam?
-because when the seargent would yell "GET DOWN" they would start dancing


A Black guy walks into a bar with a tucan on his shoulder, and the bartender said to him "thats cool, where did you get it?" and Tucan replied, "In Africa, theres millions of em!"
BAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHA:cool:

[DarcSystems]

How do you know if you're at a gay cookout?


When the hotdogs taste like shit.

[Shrek]

Training for pregnancy

A couple just started their Lamaze class and they were given an activity requiring the husband to wear a bag of sand - to give him an idea of what it feels like to be pregnant.

The husband stood up and shrugged saying, "This doesn't feel so bad."

The instructor then dropped a pen and asked the husband to pick it up.

"You want me to pick up the pen as if I were pregnant, the way my wife would do it?" the husband asked.

"Exactly," replied the instructor.

To the delight of the other husbands, he turned to his wife and said, "Honey, would you pick up that pen for me?"

[ILikeDirt]

Women's rights.

[Daneoman1]

sup, not bad jokes so far,

Whats black and blue and hates sex?
a rape victim.

whats mad fun for 9 out of 10 people?
gang rape

whats the best thing about missionarying a little girl?
you can turn it over and pretend its a little boy.

what do you call a black man in a suit?
the accussed

what do kebabs and pussy have in common?
they both smell rank and you only eat em when your pissed.

priest walks on to a farm and starts fucking a baby goat.
goat turns round and says "sorry mate, you got the wrong kid".

how do you know the girl your dating is too young?
you have to make aeroplane noises to get your cock in her mouth.

what are 3 things you cant give a black man?
1 a fat lip, 2 black eye, 3 a job.

whats the hardest thing about eating out a bald pussy?
putting the nappy back on.

what do you call a black man flying a plane?
a pilot, you racist!!

whats the difference between a park bench and a black man?
a park bench can support a family.

what do elephants use for tampons?
sheep.

how do you fit 4 gay people on 1 stool?
turn it upside down.

[square eyes]

There have been MANY black jokes but no white jokes. Makes you think think this is a White supremacist forum which I know it's not so here is my contribution

What's the difference between a white man and a snake?
One is a evil, cold-blooded, venomous, slimy creature of Satan, and the other is a snake.

[square eyes]

What's white and fourteen inches long?




Absolutely nothing!

[square eyes]

Why do so many white people get lost skiing?



It's hard to find them in the snow.

[square eyes]

What do you say when you see a white man carrying a TV?




"Excuse me sir, you dropped your receipt!

[square eyes]

What do you call a bunch of white guys sitting on a bench?


The NBA

[Peer_Pwnage]

You know you can fit more than one joke in one post.

[twiximpo]

Whats black and has a job?


Absolutely nothing

[its me]

There have been MANY black jokes but no white jokes. Makes you think think this is a White supremacist forum which I know it's not so here is my contribution

What's the difference between a white man and a snake?
One is a evil, cold-blooded, venomous, slimy creature of Satan, and the other is a snake.

What's white and fourteen inches long?




Absolutely nothing!

Why do so many white people get lost skiing?



It's hard to find them in the snow.

What do you say when you see a white man carrying a TV?




"Excuse me sir, you dropped your receipt!

How are these funny?

[square eyes]

How are these funny?

Haha so you at least saw the humor in the NBA joke. There is hope for you grass hopper.

[its me]

Haha so you at least saw the humor in the NBA joke. There is hope for you grass hopper.

No, I just missed quoting that one.

[square eyes]

No, I just missed quoting that one.

Then I take that back, there is no hope for your sense of humor.:facepalm:

[fouljack]

My lesbian neighbors gave me a Rolex for my birthday. It's nice, but I think they misunderstood me when I said, 'I wanna watch'.

[Jailer]

CHECK OUT http://www.pixisnap.com! SO COOL!

[SevenTwoOffSuit]

square eyes contribution to this thread is like george bushes contribution to the US

[Jones1982]

"Pa," said little Joe, "I bet I can do something you can't."

"Well, what is it?" demanded his pa.

"Grow," replied the youngster triumphantly.

[krookedphotog]

What do you call a nigger?


A nigger.

[Gareken]

Two friends talking at a bar.

- Do you know they are using lawyers instead of rats in some scientific experiments?
- Really! How is that?
- Well, there are some things the rats simply wont do.

-----------------------------
Why does the law prohibit lawyers from having sex with their clients?
So the clients dont have to pay twice for essentially the same service

-----------------------------
A man walks into a lawyers office and asks:
- How much do you charge?
- Its $50 for each 3 questions, replies the lawyer
- Isnt it too expensive? says the man
- A little. What is your 3rd question?
-----------------------------

Why dont snakes bite lawyers?
Ethics

-----------------------------
What do you call 800 lawyers in the bottom of the ocean?
A good start
-----------------------------

You are in a room with a pedophile, a rapist and a lawyer. You've got a gun with 2 bullets, who do you shoot?
The lawyer, twice

-----------------------------
Why do lawyer jokes dont work?
Because lawyers dont think they're funny and other people dont think they're jokes

-----------------------------


Santa, A homeless old man, The Easter Bunny, An honest Lawyer and The tooth Fairy.
Which is the odd one out?

The homeless old man, all the others are mythical beings.


-----------------------------

Why don't sharks eat lawyers?

Professional Courtesy
-----------------------------
Two jews walk past a church and see a big sign on the door: "Convert today, get 200$". So they decide that one of them will check it out. He goes in and comes out about 15 minutes later.

So the one who stayed outside asks "Ok, so what happened?"

"Well, this guy sprinkled some water on me, said some stuff in latin and then told me I was a christian."

"Yeah... but what about the 200$?"

So the converted one gives him a look of disgust "You jews... it's all about the money with you, isn't it?"
-----------------------------
A Lebanese walks into a bank in New York City and asks for the loan officer. He says he's going to Europe on business or two weeks and needs to borrow $5,000. The bank officer says the bank will need some kind of security for the loan, so the Lebanese hands over the keys to a new Rolls Royce.
The car is parked on the street in front of the bank, he has the title, passport and ownership checked out. The bank agrees to accept the car as collateral for the loan.
The bank's president and its officers all enjoy a good laugh at the Lebanese for using a $250,000 Rolls as collateral against a $5,000 loan. An employee of the bank then proceeds to drive the Rolls into the bank's underground garage and parks it there.
Two weeks later, the Lebanese returns, repays the $5,000 and the interest, which comes to $15.41. The loan officer says, "Sir, we are very happy to have had your business, and this transaction has worked out very nicely, but we are a little puzzled. While you were away, we checked you out and found that you are a multimillionaire. What puzzles us is, why would you bother to borrow $5,000?" The Lebanese replies. "Where else in New York City can I park my car for two weeks for only $15.41 and expect it to be there when I return?
-----------------------------
My favorite:

SOCIALISM: You have 2 cows, and you give one to your neighbour.


COMMUNISM: You have 2 cows. The State takes both and gives
you some milk.


FASCISM: You have 2 cows. The State takes both and sells
you some milk.


NAZISM: You have 2 cows. The State takes both and shoots
you.


BUREAUCRATISM: You have 2 cows. The State takes both, shoots
one, milks the other, and then throws the milk away...


TRADITIONAL CAPITALISM: You have two cows. You sell one
and buy a bull. Your herd multiplies, and the economy grows.
You sell them and retire on the income.


SURREALISM: You have two giraffes. The government requires
you to take harmonica lessons.


AN AMERICAN CORPORATION: You have two cows. You sell one,
and force the other to produce the milk of four cows. Later,
you hire a consultant to analyse why the cow has dropped
dead.


ENRON VENTURE CAPITALISM: You have two cows. You sell three
of them to your publicly listed company, using letters
of credit opened by your brother-in-law at the bank, then
execute a debt/equity swap with an associated general
offer so that you get all four cows back, with a tax exemption
for five cows. The milk rights of the six cows are transferred
via an intermediary to a Cayman Island Company secretly
owned by the majority shareholder who sells the rights
to all seven cows back to your listed company. The annual
report says the company owns eight cows, with an option
on one more. Sell one cow to buy a new president of the United
States, leaving you with nine cows. No balance sheet provided
with the release. The public buys your bull.


THE ANDERSEN MODEL: You have two cows. You shred them.


FRENCH CORPORATION: You have two cows. You go on strike,
organize a riot, and block the roads, because you want three
cows.


JAPANESE CORPORATION: You have two cows. You redesign
them so they are one-tenth the size of an ordinary cow and
produce twenty times the milk. You then create a clever
cow cartoon image called 'cowkimon' and market
it worldwide.


A GERMAN CORPORATION: You have two cows. You re-engineer
them so they live for 100 years, eat once a month, and milk
themselves.


ITALIAN CORPORATION: You have two cows, but you don't
know where they are. You decide to have lunch.


RUSSIAN CORPORATION: You have two cows. You count them
and learn you have five cows. You count them again and learn
you have 42 cows. You count them again and learn you have
2 cows. You stop counting cows and open another bottle of
vodka.


SWISS CORPORATION: You have 5000 cows. None of them belong
to you. You charge the owners for storing them.


CHINESE CORPORATION: You have two cows. You have 300 people
milking them. You claim that you have full employment,
and high bovine productivity, and arrest the newsman who
reported the real situation.


BRITISH CORPORATION: You have two cows. Both are mad.


IRAQI CORPORATION: Everyone thinks you have lots of cows.
You tell them that you have none. No one believes you, so
they bomb the shit out of you and invade your country. You
still have no cows, but at least now you are part of a Democracy...


WELSH CORPORATION: You have two cows. The one on the left
looks very attractive.


AUSTRALIAN CORPORATION: You have two cows. Business seems
pretty good. You close the office and go for a few beers to
celebrate.

[L. Ron]

Lol I get it, it's funny because god doesn't exist.

Hahaha, made me laugh more than the actual joke.

[kubo76]

A couple of Texas hunters are out in the woods when one of them falls to the ground. He doesn't seem to be breathing, his eyes are rolled back in his head.
The other guy whips out his cell phone and calls 911. He gasps to the operator, "My friend is dead! What can I do?"
The operator, in a calm soothing voice says, "Just take it easy. I can help. First, lets make sure he's dead..."
There is a silence, then a shot is heard.
The hunter says, "OK, now what?"

[girishisgr8]

A man is on a plane
The pilot starts talking on the intercom and then lays it down without knowing its still on.
The pilot says to the co-pilot, "I could use two things right now, a cup of coffee and a blowjob."
stuartist runs up the isle to tell the pilot to turn off the intercom.
The man stands up and says, "Hey hun, dont forget the coffee."

I love you mahn ! :P..

[mullill]

A man is seeking to join the NYPD.

The seargent doing the interview says,"your qualifications all look good, but there is an aptitude suitability test you must take before you can be accepted"

Sliding a pistol across the desk ,he says,"take this pistol, go out & shoot 6 illegal immigrants, 6 drug dealers,6 muslim extremists, & a rabbit"

"why the rabbit"?

"great attitude" says the seargent,"when can you start"

[ChristIsLORD]

One day a man goes out to town to buy some food for his family.

He goes to the store and buys some macaroni, cheddar cheese, and pork.

On the way home he gets into a car crash and dies.

The LORD looks at him, and sends him to the depths on Hell.

Because he bought pork, the unclean meat.

[mullill]

Paddy was working at the fish plant in Cork when he accidentally cut off of his 10 fingers.

He went to the emergency room in Cork's hospital.

The doctor looked at Paddy and said, 'Let's be avin' da fingers and I'll see what oi can do'.

Paddy said, 'Oi haven't got da fingers.'

'Whadda ya mean you haven't got da fingers?

Lord Tunderin' Jesus, it's 2009! We's got microsurgery and all kinds of incredible techniques. I could have put dem back on and made you like new! Why didn't ya bring da fingers?!?'

And Paddy said, ' How da fook was I 'spose to pick them up !!!

[IGneois]

What does snoop dog say he needs his umbrella for?


fo drizzle

[square eyes]

A guy walks into a post office one day to see a middle-aged, balding man standing at the counter methodically placing "Love" stamps on bright pink envelopes with hearts all over them. He then takes out a perfume bottle and starts spraying scent all over them. His curiosity gets the better of him and he goes up to the balding man and asks him what he's doing.
"I'm sending out 1,000 Valentine's Day cards signed, 'Guess who?'"
"But why?" asks the man.
"I'm a divorce lawyer."
-----------------
Guaranteed ROI (http://www.widedriven.com)

This one is good. You can really see those bastards getting business this way.