makeitfiction
07-31-2009, 04:53 PM
This is a real email conversation with a dude posting on wanted ads
The Racist Biker
Original Ad: "my son is looking for a bicycle in fair to good condition. Flat tires are ok. He does not have much money. So if you have one for free that would be great"
Mark to ******@ ******.com
Hi, I saw your ad and am very interested in giving you a bike. My friend actually owns a bike shop so I have tons of bikes i've been wanting to get rid of. I'm going to have to ask you a series of questions just to guarantee we find the right bike for your son.
1.) Does he want a 1, 2, 3, or 4 wheeled bike?
2.) Does he prefer unicorns, ponies, or butterflies?
3.) Would you like me to give complimentary bike riding lessons? I'm really an expert and I guarantee that your kid won't fall off.
4.) Can you guarantee me at least 300 dollars for my bike?
5.) All of my bikes have engravings of the name of my ex-wife all over the body of the bike. (Svetlanka Bajanovich)
6.) Are toy bikes OK? I can put big handlebars on them so it gives him the illusion thats its a big bike if you want.
7.) Does the permanent smell of burning rubber/cigarettes bother your son?
Thats all my questions for now, please get back to me ASAP, I really want to get rid of these bikes.
Thanks, Mark
Michael to me
answers
1) the bike does not need to have any wheels
2) he prefers the $400 mongoose I bought him last month - not butterflies
3) keep your free riding lessons- you pervert (or) are you a predator?
4) I cant guarantee you any money for any bike- as I am sure business really sucks for you right now
5) The names of your exwives are jewish names - so just throw them in the dumpster thats where they all belong- get my drift?
6) toy bikes would be ok if they are worth money and I can flip them for a profit
7) would my foot permentally up your ass bother you?
Mark to Michael
Wow Michael, I wasn't actually expecting a rude response like that. I was just trying to help out your son and that was just a casual joke I play on people asking for stuff. The truth is that I am Co-Owner of the bike shop I said my friend owned. We have a ton of bikes for kids that I was willing to give to you... They are perfect condition and I get them an eighth of the price...
1.) whats a bike without wheels?
2.) Mongoose are actually not allowed to be residential pets, or are they available for private purchase
3.) I am neither of those, my bike shop gives free biking lessons
4.) Actually our shop won the Cyclist Cup award for best bike shop in town for the last 8 years, brings a lot of profit
5.) I don't get it, please explain that to me one more time Michael
6.) I have a huge collection and I was going to let you pick but after that last email I really DONT KNOW.
7.) If you could refrain from doing that it would be much appreciated
Cant wait to hear back, hopefully we can get your son all set!
Michael to me
Addition to 5
5) You belong in the dumpster with your bajanovich wife too
Hope its clear, and if I see you ill make sure to put my foot up your ass
----------------
that was from the website in my signature. what do you think?
The Racist Biker
Original Ad: "my son is looking for a bicycle in fair to good condition. Flat tires are ok. He does not have much money. So if you have one for free that would be great"
Mark to ******@ ******.com
Hi, I saw your ad and am very interested in giving you a bike. My friend actually owns a bike shop so I have tons of bikes i've been wanting to get rid of. I'm going to have to ask you a series of questions just to guarantee we find the right bike for your son.
1.) Does he want a 1, 2, 3, or 4 wheeled bike?
2.) Does he prefer unicorns, ponies, or butterflies?
3.) Would you like me to give complimentary bike riding lessons? I'm really an expert and I guarantee that your kid won't fall off.
4.) Can you guarantee me at least 300 dollars for my bike?
5.) All of my bikes have engravings of the name of my ex-wife all over the body of the bike. (Svetlanka Bajanovich)
6.) Are toy bikes OK? I can put big handlebars on them so it gives him the illusion thats its a big bike if you want.
7.) Does the permanent smell of burning rubber/cigarettes bother your son?
Thats all my questions for now, please get back to me ASAP, I really want to get rid of these bikes.
Thanks, Mark
Michael to me
answers
1) the bike does not need to have any wheels
2) he prefers the $400 mongoose I bought him last month - not butterflies
3) keep your free riding lessons- you pervert (or) are you a predator?
4) I cant guarantee you any money for any bike- as I am sure business really sucks for you right now
5) The names of your exwives are jewish names - so just throw them in the dumpster thats where they all belong- get my drift?
6) toy bikes would be ok if they are worth money and I can flip them for a profit
7) would my foot permentally up your ass bother you?
Mark to Michael
Wow Michael, I wasn't actually expecting a rude response like that. I was just trying to help out your son and that was just a casual joke I play on people asking for stuff. The truth is that I am Co-Owner of the bike shop I said my friend owned. We have a ton of bikes for kids that I was willing to give to you... They are perfect condition and I get them an eighth of the price...
1.) whats a bike without wheels?
2.) Mongoose are actually not allowed to be residential pets, or are they available for private purchase
3.) I am neither of those, my bike shop gives free biking lessons
4.) Actually our shop won the Cyclist Cup award for best bike shop in town for the last 8 years, brings a lot of profit
5.) I don't get it, please explain that to me one more time Michael
6.) I have a huge collection and I was going to let you pick but after that last email I really DONT KNOW.
7.) If you could refrain from doing that it would be much appreciated
Cant wait to hear back, hopefully we can get your son all set!
Michael to me
Addition to 5
5) You belong in the dumpster with your bajanovich wife too
Hope its clear, and if I see you ill make sure to put my foot up your ass
----------------
that was from the website in my signature. what do you think?