Pick Up Lines

[AC500BELOW]

Got any pick up lines?

Here is one I made:

"Do you like farm animals? Because I've got a big cock"
:D

[theViBe]

i got a couple

how do you like ur eggs in the morning? fertilized or unfertilized?

hey you wanna come to my house for sex and pizza?
(you get a weird look)
what, you don't like pizza?


haha, both are hilarious.

[RolandOfGilead]

This is one I made up on a jazz band trip last year. Now it's our band's inside joke.

You: "Hey, are you an engineer?"
Girl: "No, why?"
You: "Because I wanna fuck you."

[chukawuka511]

Didnt make the first

Do you have any overdue library books? Cus you got fine written all over you.

Do you have gas? Becus youve been driving me crazy all day.

(supposed to me corny and retardwd)

[theViBe]

i dont get the engineer joke....might scare somebody...

[Zooch]

Are you allowed inside your parents bedroom? Cause you're going to have to wake me up.

[JeJe5813]

these are funny...

Playing doctor is for kids... lets play gynecologist!

Lets play house... you can be the door so I can slam you all I want

Have you ever kissed a rabbit between the ears? (Pull your pockets inside out....) Would you like to?

Hi, do you want to have my children? (assuming the answer is 'no'), OK then, can we just practice?

Let's go to my place and do the things I'll tell everyone we did anyway.

Hey! Wanna play war? "WHAT?" Yeah, I lay on the ground and you blow the fuck outta me!

You touch his shirt and ask, "Is this cotton?" Wait for response. Then touch down in the crotch area and say, "Oh, this must be felt."

You wanna 68? "WHAT?" yeah... you go down on me and I'll owe you one

First I'd like to kiss you on the lips... then I'd move up to your belly button

you remind me of a blue ribbon bass... i dont know wheter or not id like to mount you or eat you

hold up a screw and ask "wanna screw?"

i'm afraid of getting pregnant... so will you come to my house and help me test out all my condoms?

[theViBe]

HAHA, the "68" was the best

[Melonhead1]

Have you ever kissed a rabbit between the ears? (Pull your pockets inside out....) Would you like to?


^^ LOL that my was my favorite

[rammer67]

hey baby do you sleep on your stomach?

Girl: no

can I?

[DragnMastr]

Hey, baby, do you eat alot of sugar and candy?

Because I bet you taste so sweet!

[Benny Brown]

Gee, that's a nice set of legs, what time do they open?

If I were to ask you for sex, would your answer be the same as the answer to this question? (think about it...every answer she gives you will get you poon)

(give her a bottle of tequila) Drink this, then call me when you're ready.

[REdg2]

Here's a couple ive heard:

Your mom and dad must be good bakers, cause you got nice buns

Guy: are you manly:
Girl: nope,
guy: are you sure you don't got a man thing inside you at all?
girl:yes
guy: would you like one?

Somebody call the cops, cause this girl just stole my heart

guy:Did it hurt?
girl: did what hurt?
guy: when you fell outta heaven

[Zooch]

You can always go Quagmire style to some hot highschool girl...

"18 yet?"
"No"
"Allllriiight!"

[candlestickjack]

You can always go Quagmire style to some hot highschool girl...

"18 yet?"
"No"
"Allllriiight!"
'How old are you?'
'16.'
'18? Alriiiiight!'
'MOOOOOOOM!!'
'Now things are getting interesting!'

lol, oh Quagmire!

[Kusanagi]

"Can I touch your belly button, from the inside?"

"I feel like a horse. I wanna wrap your legs around my head and wear you like a feed bag."

"I'm not Fred Flinstone but I'm more than able to make your Bedrock."

"If I were a fly, I'd land on you, because you're the shit."

And this pick up line never fails.

Walk up to any girl, look her straight in the eye, and say "Smile if you'll have sex with me."

I haven't met a girl yet that could keep a straight face. :cool:

[candlestickjack]

Go up behind a girl, and pull her shirt tag out, and start reading it. When she asks you what you are doing, say "just as I thought, made in heaven."

[fallopiantube]

go up to a girl in the bar and say, "hey baby you mind if i chill with you till its safe back where i farted?"

[123man]

go up to a girl in the bar and say, "hey baby you mind if i chill with you till its safe back where i farted?"

That's awesome! If she likes it, she's got a good sense of humor.

I liked this one too:
First I'd like to kiss you on the lips... then I'd move up to your belly button

[chukawuka511]

Old one: I forgot my telephone number, can I have your's?

[123man]

Old one: I forgot my telephone number, can I have your's?


Story concerning that one: I was chatting with this chick on an old school BBS back in 1997 and she said that she heard a pick up line at school, and it was the one mentioned above. So I gave her my number. Long story short, now we're happily married. :D

[chukawuka511]

Ouch, sorry for your loss man. Get well soon (divorce)

EDIT: just jking

[Mr Z.]

"Is there a mirror in your pocket? 'cause I can see myself in your pants."

[chukawuka511]

think that was said already...or something similar

[Eminem]

if i was a squirrel and you was a squirrel, could i bust a nut in your hole?

i love that one

[rolo]

Wanna play midget boxing? You get down on your knees and give me a couple blows!

My name's Pogo, d'ya wanna jump on my stick?

I have only three months to live. ..

I know a great way to burn off the calories in that pastry you just ate

You are so fine that I'd eat your shit just to see where it came from

You remind me of my dead ex-girlfriend

I'm not actually this tall. I'm sitting on my wallet

[Aggressivemid12]

man: did it hurt?

woman: did what hurt?


man: when you fell from heaven :cool:

[GhostDog]

more Quagmire please.. that guys to damn funny lol

[The Reverend]

A few from Northern UK

Get your coat, you've pulled.

Here's 10p, call your mum and tell her you won't be home tonight.

You don't sweat much for a fat lass (girl)

How about you and me go halves on a bastard?

If you can guess how much money I have in my pocket, you can fuck me. (whatever the answer)..."you jammy bitch!"

[Devastation]

Wanna fuck?

[Smoothy]

Walk up to any girl, look her straight in the eye, and say "Smile if you'll have sex with me."


go up to a girl in the bar and say, "hey baby you mind if i chill with you till its safe back where i farted?"

I like both of those

[ddrsoccerdude]

That skirt is becoming on you...Of course, if I were on you, I'd be coming too.

[callmejulio]

My place. 10:30. bring a friend.

[uglycatface]

"hey.. you seem like a cool and hot chick... wanna date for a few months before you fuck one of my friends?"

sorry.. i'm bitter.

[soccerrocker232]

i have two.
i love every bone in your body, especially mine

and if ur looking for the stalkerish line
i would crawl a mile in the rain with no clothes on just to pick the corn out of your shit

[MrSparkle]

The best one of all time.

Does this rag smell like chloroform to you?

[Bartok]

I'll be the Burger King, and you'll be the Dairy Queen... You treat me right, and I'll do it your way.

The only thing your eyes haven't told me is your name.



And, while I don't like the sexual pickup lines, the "smile if you'll have sex with me" one was pretty good :D

[theViBe]

The best one of all time.

Does this rag smell like chloroform to you?


haha, that made me laugh...might work on a blonde tho...LOL

[BlinkingViki]

Hold out two fingers and say: "Why should a woman masturbate with these two fingers?" (I don't know.) "'Cause they're mine sweetheart."

Want to come see my HARD DRIVE? I promise it isn't 3.5 inches and it ain't floppy.

You make my software turn to hardware!

You must be an adverb, because you sure do modify me!

(Use index finger to call someone over then say) I made you come with one finger, imagine what I could do with my whole hand.

I want to melt in your mouth, not in your hand.

I think I could fall madly in bed with you.

[rolandog]

The best one of all time.

Does this rag smell like chloroform to you?

LOL, that's the first pickup line that came in mind! You beat me! :bang:

[tard]

Worst ever:

Is that a wick in your pocket, 'cause you da bomb.

Is that a keg in your pants, 'cause I'd like to tap it.

/i suck :sleeping:

[SuicideCows]

this one was my firends

"hey im a convicted sex offender in 49 states.. wanna make it 50?"


but i think that this has worked for me more often

"hey baby, i just got out of a mental institution.. come have sex with me or imna kill you"


yup ..


itll work.. truuussstt me

[DustinoHeat]

how bout this one:

Are those Astronaut pants cause your ass is out of this world.

Hey. Any good at guitar.(I'm just not that fast at plucking the strings). i'll be the judge of that.

Thats makes no sense yet it does. iunno its fucked. :) :cool:

[DustinoHeat]

actually heres a better version of that last one

old version: Any good at guitar(im just not fast enough at plucking the strrings)ill be the judge of that.

new version:Any good at guitar, Cause you can pluck my string when ever you like

[ribwich]

I got a riddle for you. Let me see your hand. (while pointing at random places on her hand) If Jenny lives here, and her school is here, and there's a mountain range here, and a river here, how does she get to school?

I don't know

Who cares? I'm holding your hand!

[Thors Hammer]

If your ever wearing a pisbury doeboy T-Shirt; here's a great come-on: Thats right baby, nothin says lovin like somthin from the oven and I'd like to do some lovin in your oven baby.

[Remote]

Some dumbass used this pick up line to a girl he likes, now he's with her.

"Dam, your ass is huge, its bigger than space."

haha, what dumbass :icon_rofl

[Spank666]

This one only works if you have some muscle....

Me: Hey, can I have some tape?
Girl: I dont have any....why?
Me: (flex arm) cuz I'm ripped

[XxMASTARRONxX]

i dont know if these were said alredy, but me and my friends go up to random girls in the street and say these stupid lines. Just for fun.

1)" If you were a bugger, id pick you"
2)*FAV ONE* " ARE YOURE PARENTS RETARTED?"
*weird look*
"Because youre a very special girl"
3)"Are you from outter space?, Cuz that ass is out of this world"

i got more, ill post them l8er.

[Thors Hammer]

1)Do you believe in love at first site, or should I come back?
2)Hey, can I buy you a drink or do you just want the money?
3)Is that a tear in you panty hose, or a stairway to heaven?
4)Do you have a mirror in your pocket? Woman: No, why? Cause I can see me in your pants

thats about all I can remember

[fwipit]

do you play the trumpet? cus im feeling horny... :cool:

[Racer23]

I dont know if these have been posted or not but here they are...

Hey, do you have a bandage? (flex) CUZ IM CUT!!

Hey i dont need a dictionary (flex muscles) CUZ I GOT ALL THIS DEFINITION!

Hey anyone got a tranquilizer gun? (Flex arms) CUZ I DONT HAVE ANY CAGES FOR THESE PYTHONS!

(You gotta have 6-pack abs for this one)
I dont have to go to the beer store anymore (flex abs) cuz i alrdy got this 6 PACK!

I got arrested on the weekend by the cops... I dont have a licence for these (flex arms) GUNSS!!!!!!

Hope ya like em

BTW I WANT GMAIL!!!!!!!!!!!!

[yad4u]

worst pickup lines of all time?......


Sit next to a girl at a bar. Stare at her for a minute, then glance straight down. Stare at her again....... and say "WELL, IT ISN'T GOING TO SUCK ITSELF!"

While dancing "You don't sweat very much for how fat you are....."

[Grand Mesa Funk]

two best ones that i have heard:

nice shirt, blow me.

did you just fart? cause you blow me away!

[rolandog]

ok what is the differance between a dead dog in the road and a dead black guy in the road

there are skid marks leading up to the dog

how do u keep a black guy from drowning

take ur foot off his head

Dude, WTF? This is the pickup lines thread. Not the racial insults thread.


And

Uh... Call me retarded, but I don't get the chloroform one....

Dude, Chloroform (http://www.sefsc.noaa.gov/HTMLdocs/Chloroform.htm) is a substance that when inhaled can make you pass out.

[fwipit]

if you take me home, will you feed me?

[fwipit]

i got the sword if you got the sheath

[sedriss]

Here be some pickup lines, pirate style!

Avast, me proud beauty! Wanna know why my Roger is so Jolly?

I'd love to drop anchor in your lagoon.

Wanna shiver me timbers?

Prepare to be boarded!

[Hurley8957]

I got a riddle for you. Let me see your hand. (while pointing at random places on her hand) If Jenny lives here, and her school is here, and there's a mountain range here, and a river here, how does she get to school?

I don't know

Who cares? I'm holding your hand!
Haha. I like it.

[Thors Hammer]

Is it that cold out or are you just smuggling tic-tac's.

Excuse me I lost my teddy bear will you sleep with me tonight.

Man: Hey Baby ... Wanna dance? Woman: No. Him: Oh, C'mon! Lower you're standards a little. I did...

What is a slutty girl like you doing in a classy place like this? OOPS! I mean, what is nice girl like you doing in a dump like this? (Phew).

Hi, my name's {name}. Remember it, you'll be screaming it later tonight!

My name is {name}, but you can call me anything at all. Just call me.

If I said you had a great body, would you hold it against me?

Wow, are those real?

If I let you suck on my tongue would you be greatful?

You make me so nervous and flustered, I've completely forgotten my standard pick-up line.


"hey.. you seem like a cool and hot chick... wanna date for a few months before you fuck one of my friends?"

sorry.. i'm bitter.

flucking hilarious

[hOLdencAUfIeLd]

The best one of all time.

Does this rag smell like chloroform to you?

That is the funniest line I have ever heard. I guarantee you I will use that line at least 3 times in the next 24 hours. Major reps for making me actually laugh out loud.

I can picture the stupid broads saying : whats chloroform?

[Maku]

i don't know if these were written i'm not gunna go read them all so here are a few.



Male: Are you a parking ticket?
Female: ::Stares::
Male: Because you got fine written all over you.



Male: Did it hurt?
Female: Did what hurt?
Male: Falling from heaven.



Male: Do you rent or own?
Female: Do I rent or own what?
Male: Those wings you angel.



Male: Oww!!!
Female: What's wrong?!
Male: I bit my tongue... :( Kiss it make it feel better.



Okay let's say there are two girls standing by each other you go between them and put your arms around both of them and say:
Male: Heh heh...I don't wanna cum between you... Or do I? Heh heh that's awful



aha :p

[The Wat Now]

http://www.pickuphelp.com/

[Brad98287]

I gotta good one.


Mind if i hang out here until it is safe back where I farted.

or

Excuse me for interrupting I'm not trying to make a pass, but you
best be leaving the country if your packing that much A$$.

[MysTeryCHyCK]

Umm...have anyone heard of this one before?...

... is that a mirror in ur pants?
cuz i can see myself in you.


I thought that one was kinda stupid when this one dude said it to me!!

[D1msum]

i used this one and i got two dates for christmas use only

Can i have a picture of you? So i can show santa EXACTLY what i want for christmas...

[zrb888]

One day a kid asks his mom what do boys have and what do girls have.
She said boys have cars and girls have garages.

The next morning the kid walks into her room and says mom open up the garage so i can begin the car in.

Get it.

[postpremium]

every pickup line you could ever think of...and then more.

http://www.linesthataregood.com/

[gUy]

you:did it hurt?
heror he( for all you nonpenis weilding members): what hurt?
you: when i PUNCHED YOU IN THE HEAD!!

*sees no one laughing. leaves thread*

[Mhrb135]

Guy:That shirt looks really nice
Girl:Well Thank you
Guy:....crumpled up in a ball next to my bed!

[darkdaxter]

i have 2:

I don't know your fucking name.
so what lets fuck.







All day i dream about sex.
can you help make my dream a reality?

[Dual]

you:did it hurt?
heror he( for all you nonpenis weilding members): what hurt?
you: when i PUNCHED YOU IN THE HEAD!!

*sees no one laughing. leaves thread*


Haha that actually made me laugh. But that's probably cause I have a weird sense of humor.


Guy: Hey you remind me of a library book
Girl: Why's that?
Guy: Cause I be checking you out....

[Shiggity Shwa]

I have some awesome ones

1. I'm not Fred Flintsone but I'll make your bed rock!
2. Lets play sandwich- You spread and i jam

[Racer23]

hahahah those are f***in hilarius

[MysTeryCHyCK]

Shiggity Shwa...I thought urs was pretty funny....newayz neone ever heard of this one?.....

........you are like a dictionary, you add meaning to my life.

[sNiPe_]

came up with this in math class,
lets go up to my room and do some math-- add a bed, subtract our clothes, divide your legs, and multiply

Is your name campbell? cuz ur mmm good

and...
my hands are tired can you do it for a while

[MysTeryCHyCK]

came up with this in math class,
lets go up to my room and do some math-- add a bed, subtract our clothes, divide your legs, and multiply

Is your name campbell? cuz ur mmm good

and...
my hands are tired can you do it for a while

lol thought the first one u wrote was pretty funny :lol:

[candlestickjack]

came up with this in math class,
lets go up to my room and do some math-- add a bed, subtract our clothes, divide your legs, and multiply
http://mech.phpwebhosting.com/~whoop/gallery/albums/9s-stuff/Calling_bullshit.highlight.jpg
hmmmm... right... I heard that one about 10 years ago I'm pretty sure, so unless you were in math class when you were like 4 years old, and had the mentality of at least a sixth grader, I seriously doubt that you made that up.

[Own]

you:did it hurt?
heror he( for all you nonpenis weilding members): what hurt?
you: when i PUNCHED YOU IN THE HEAD!!

*sees no one laughing. leaves thread*



LMFAO, funniest thing I've heard on this forum..

[starscream178]

wait 'till ya meet pokey!

[MightyMichu]

My love for you is like diarrhea, I just can't hold it in.

Do you work for UPS? Cause I see you checking out my package.

[paranoia]

Go up to a girl working and say

What time do u get off?
(Her response)
Can I watch?

[MforceOFdeath]

If I flip a coin what r my chances of getting head?
Not exactly a pick up line but...

man:If I clean my cock will you suck it?
chic: yes
{go clean ur cock and get a blowjob}
if not...
man:If I clean my cock will you suck it?
Chic: no
man: you dirty cock sucker!

[toadstool]

these are funny...

Lets play house... you can be the door so I can slam you all I want

?

Ok I used that one and this is what I got in response....
or you could be the doormat, and i can walk all over you

Auctioner: Our first item is a pair of panties confiscated from a prostitute.
Quagmire: Fifty bucks.
Auctioner: She had nine STDs.
Quagmire: Forty-five bucks.
Auctioner: And when we caught her she wet herself.
Quagmire: Fifty bucks.

Quagmire: I felt guilty once, but she woke up half way through.

Quagmire: So, you ladies ever been penetrated?

Quagmire: Oh, Lois, I'd do everything to you.
Lois: What?
Quagmire: I'd do anything for you.

Peter: Wow, that Lois is some kinda woman.
Quagmire: Yeah, just thinkin' about her makes my testicles wanna drop. Ooh, speak of the devil. Ooh, make the devils.

[Str1ke]

I lost my virginity, can I have yours?

[bangtheman]

Wanna go halves on a bastard?????

[Formaldihyde]

i thought up this one so i know none of u have heard this one

I need an MRI.......Wanna be a head docter for tonight? :cool:

[stupidpuppet]

Nice shoes. Wanna fuck?

don't laugh, it works

[Yeti Patrol]

"Excuse me miss, does this rag smell like chloroform to you?"

[Racer23]

C'mon!!!! keep this thread goin!!!!!

[Trickee]

not really a pick-up as much as an ice-breaker, but:

"Excuse me, did you hear the one about the fat polar bear? He broke the ice. Hi, my name is-"