rammer67
09-28-2004, 12:05 AM
A little girl comes running into the house bawling her eyes out and cradling her hand: "Mummy quick! Get me a glass of cider!" She wailed.
"Why do you want a glass of cider?" asked her mother.
"I've cut my hand on a thorn , and I want the pain to go away!"
Confused and weary of the childs whinning, the mother obliged and poured her a glass of cider. The little girl immediately dunked her hand into it.
"Ouch! It still hurts! This cider doesn't work!" she whined.
"What are you talking about?" asked her mother now getting a little frustrated with her daughter. "Whatever made you think that cider would ease the pain?"
"Well, I overheard my big sister say that whenever she gets a prick in her hand, she can't wait to get it in cider."
After listening to the elderly hooker plead her case, Judge Poe calls a brief recess and retires to his chambers.
En route, he bumps into Judge Graham.
“Say,” Poe asks, “what would you give a 63-year-old hooker?”
“Christ,” Graham replies. “Five or six bucks, tops.”
Two new young interns are hired in the White House.
They are walking down the hall when President Clinton sees them.
The President walks up and says, "Gee, I've never come across your faces before."
Two managers are going over their budget for the next year.
After analyzing expenses and revenues, they come to the conclusion that they will have to lay off one of their two assistants, Jack or Jane.
They go back and forth but can't decide who to lay off.
Finally, one manager decides that they lay off the first person who gets up from their desk.
In the meantime, Jane is hard at work but suddenly gets a headache. She gets some aspirin from her desk drawer and gets up from her desk to get some water.
One of the managers gets up to break the bad news to Jane.
Manager: "Jane, I need to talk to you. I've got a problem. I either need to lay you or Jack off..."
Jane: "Well, Jack off. I've got a headache."
Jesus is taking a walk through the streets when he sees a group of people throwing stones at a cowering adulteress.
He stops and yells to the crowd, “Let he who is without sin cast the first stone.”
All of a sudden, a huge stone comes flying out of the crowd and pegs him in the head.
Jesus stops, taken aback, then looks up and says, “Mom!”
A man met a beautiful lady and decided that he wanted to marry her right away. He told her so.
She protested, "We don't know anything about each other!"
He replied, "That's all right. We'll learn about each other as we go along."
She agreed, and they were married and went on a honeymoon to a very nice resort.
One morning, they were lying by the pool when he got up off his towel, climbed up to the 10 meter board and did a two and a half tuck with a gainer, entering the water perfectly, almost without a ripple.
This was followed by three rotations in jackknife position before he again straightened out and cut the water like a knife.
After a few more demonstrations, he came back and lay down on his towel.
She said, "That was incredible!"
He said, "I used to be an Olympic diving champion. You see, I told you we'd learn more about ourselves as we went along."
So she got up, jumped in the pool and started doing laps.
She was moving so fast that the ripples from her pushing off at one end of the pool would hardly be gone before she was already touching the other end of the pool.
She did laps in freestyle, breast stroke, and even butterfly.
After about thirty laps, completed in mere minutes, she climbed back out and lay down on her towel, barely breathing hard.
He said, "That was incredible! Were you an Olympic endurance swimmer?"
"No," she said, "I was a hooker in Wheeling, West Virginia, and I worked both sides of the river."
"Why do you want a glass of cider?" asked her mother.
"I've cut my hand on a thorn , and I want the pain to go away!"
Confused and weary of the childs whinning, the mother obliged and poured her a glass of cider. The little girl immediately dunked her hand into it.
"Ouch! It still hurts! This cider doesn't work!" she whined.
"What are you talking about?" asked her mother now getting a little frustrated with her daughter. "Whatever made you think that cider would ease the pain?"
"Well, I overheard my big sister say that whenever she gets a prick in her hand, she can't wait to get it in cider."
After listening to the elderly hooker plead her case, Judge Poe calls a brief recess and retires to his chambers.
En route, he bumps into Judge Graham.
“Say,” Poe asks, “what would you give a 63-year-old hooker?”
“Christ,” Graham replies. “Five or six bucks, tops.”
Two new young interns are hired in the White House.
They are walking down the hall when President Clinton sees them.
The President walks up and says, "Gee, I've never come across your faces before."
Two managers are going over their budget for the next year.
After analyzing expenses and revenues, they come to the conclusion that they will have to lay off one of their two assistants, Jack or Jane.
They go back and forth but can't decide who to lay off.
Finally, one manager decides that they lay off the first person who gets up from their desk.
In the meantime, Jane is hard at work but suddenly gets a headache. She gets some aspirin from her desk drawer and gets up from her desk to get some water.
One of the managers gets up to break the bad news to Jane.
Manager: "Jane, I need to talk to you. I've got a problem. I either need to lay you or Jack off..."
Jane: "Well, Jack off. I've got a headache."
Jesus is taking a walk through the streets when he sees a group of people throwing stones at a cowering adulteress.
He stops and yells to the crowd, “Let he who is without sin cast the first stone.”
All of a sudden, a huge stone comes flying out of the crowd and pegs him in the head.
Jesus stops, taken aback, then looks up and says, “Mom!”
A man met a beautiful lady and decided that he wanted to marry her right away. He told her so.
She protested, "We don't know anything about each other!"
He replied, "That's all right. We'll learn about each other as we go along."
She agreed, and they were married and went on a honeymoon to a very nice resort.
One morning, they were lying by the pool when he got up off his towel, climbed up to the 10 meter board and did a two and a half tuck with a gainer, entering the water perfectly, almost without a ripple.
This was followed by three rotations in jackknife position before he again straightened out and cut the water like a knife.
After a few more demonstrations, he came back and lay down on his towel.
She said, "That was incredible!"
He said, "I used to be an Olympic diving champion. You see, I told you we'd learn more about ourselves as we went along."
So she got up, jumped in the pool and started doing laps.
She was moving so fast that the ripples from her pushing off at one end of the pool would hardly be gone before she was already touching the other end of the pool.
She did laps in freestyle, breast stroke, and even butterfly.
After about thirty laps, completed in mere minutes, she climbed back out and lay down on her towel, barely breathing hard.
He said, "That was incredible! Were you an Olympic endurance swimmer?"
"No," she said, "I was a hooker in Wheeling, West Virginia, and I worked both sides of the river."