Mad Blonde Jokes

[SlIt1JohNNy]

1. Q: What do you call a blonde with half a brain?
A: Gifted!

2. Q: How do blonde braincells die?
A: Alone.

3. Q: What do you call a blonde with 2 brain cells?
A: Pregnant.

4. Q: How do you brainwash a blonde?
A: Give her a douche and shake her upside down.

5. Q: What do you call it when a blonde dies their hair brunette?
A: Artificial intelligence.

6. Q: How does a blonde part their hair?
A1: (Action of scissoring legs apart)
A2: By doing the splits.

7. Q: Why aren't blondes good cattle herders?
A: Because they can't even keep two calves together!

8. Q: What did the blonde's right leg say to the left leg?
A: Nothing. They've never met.

9. Q: Why do blondes wash their hair in the sink?
A: Because, that's where you're supposed to wash vegetables!

10. Q: When does a brunette have 1/2 of a brain?
A: After a dye job.

11. Q: Why didn't the blonde want a window seat on the plane?
A1: She'd just dyed her hair.
A2: She'd just blow dried her hair and she didn't want it blown around
too much.

12. Q: Why do blondes wear their hair up?
A: To catch everything that goes over their heads.

13. Q: Why is it good to have a blonde passenger?
A: You can park in the handicap zone.

14. Q: What was the blonde psychic's greatest achievment?
A: An IN-body experience!

15. Q: Why is a blonde like a turtle?
A: They both get fucked up when they're on their back.

16. Q: What do Darren Millane (Collingwood footballer killed in a
recent car crash) and a blonde have in common?
A: Put either of 'em in a car and their fucked.

17. Q: What's a blonde's favorite nursery rhyme?
A: Humpme Dumpme.

18. Q: How do you make a blonde's eyes light up?
A: Shine a flashlight in their ear.

19. Q: How do you get a blondes eyes to twinkle?
A: Shine a torch in her ears.

20. Q: Why should blondes not be given coffee breaks?
A: It takes too long to retrain them.

21. Q1 How can you tell if a blonde's been using the computer?
A: There's white-out on the screen.
Q2: How can you tell if another blonde's been using the computer?
A: There's writing on the white-out.

22. Q: What's the difference between a blonde and a computer?
A: You only have to punch information into a computer once.

23. Q: What do a blonde and your computer have in common?
A: You don't know how much either of them mean to you until they go
down on you.

24. Q: What did the blonde think of the new computer?
A: She didn't like it because she couldn't get channel 9.

25. Q: Why do blondes wear shoulder pads?
A: (With a rocking of the head from side to side) I dunno!

26. Q: How do you kill a blonde?
A: Put spikes in their shoulder pads.

27. Q: How do blondes pierce their ears?
A: They put tacks in their shoulder pads.

28. Q: Why don't blondes eat Jello?
A: They can't figure out how to get two cups of water into those
little packages.

29. Q: What do you call a blonde with a dollar on the top of their head?
A: All you can eat, under a buck.

30. Q: Why don't blondes eat pickles?
A: Because they can't get their head in the jar.

31. Q: Why don't blondes eat bananas?
A1: They can't find the zipper.
A2: They cant find the pull tab.

32. Q: Why do blondes wear hoop earrings?
A: They have to have some place to rest their ankles.

33. Q: Why do blondes where big hoop earrings?
A: To put their feet through.

34. Q: What does a blonde put behind her ears to make her more attractive?
A: Her ankles.

35. Q: Why do blondes wear green lipstick?
A: Because red means stop.

36. Q: Why do blondes wear red lipstick?
A: Because red means "Stop, wrong hole."

37. Q: How can you tell if a blonde has been in your refrigerator?
A: By the lipstick on your cucumbers.

38. Q: Why don't blondes use vibrators?
A: They chip their teeth.

39. Q: Why do blondes wear underwear?
A: They make good ankle warmers.

40. Q: What do blondes do for foreplay?
A: Remove their underwear.

41. Q: Why don't blondes in San Francisco wear short black mini skirts?
A: Cause their balls show!

42. Q: What's the mating call of the blonde?
A: "I'm *sooo* drunk!"

43. Q: What is the mating call of the ugly blonde?
A: (Screaming) "I said: I'm drunk!"

44. Q: How did the blonde die ice fishing?
A: She was run over by the zambonis machine.

45. Q: What's a brunette's mating call?
A: Has that blonde gone yet?
A2: When is that blonde bitch going to leave!?
A3: "All the blondes have gone home!"

46: Q: Why do blondes drive BMWs?
A: Because they can spell it.

47. Q: Why do blondes like the GST? (GST -- Goods and Services Tax now in
effect in Canada)
A: Because they can spell it.

48. Q: What is 74 to a blonde?
A: 69 plus G.S.T.

49. Q: Why do blondes have TGIF on their shoes?
A: Toes Go In First.

50. Q: Why do blondes have TGIF on their shirts?
A: Tits Go In Front.

51. Q: What do you call a brunette with a blonde on either side?
A: An interpreter.

52. Q: What do you call a blonde between two brunettes?
A: A mental block.

53. Q: How do you change a blonde's mind?
A1: Blow in her ear.
A2: Buy her another beer.

54. Q: What do you say to a blonde that won't give in?
A: "Have another beer."

55. Q: What do blondes do with their arseholes in the morning?
A: Pack their lunch and send them to work.

56. Q: What's the first thing a blonde does in the morning?
A1: Introduces themself.
A2: Walks home.

57. Q: How does a blonde like her eggs in the morning?
A: Fertilized.

58. Q: How does a blonde like her eggs?
A: Unfertilized.

59. Q: What's the first thing a blonde does after sex?
A: Opens the car door.

60. Q: How do blondes turn the light on after sex?
A: Kick open the car door.

61. Q: Why do blondes like tilt steering?
A: More head room.

62. Q: Why do blondes drive cars with sunroofs?
A: More leg room.

63. Q: What is the worst thing about sex with a blonde?
A: Bucket seats.

64. Q: What do blondes say after sex?
A1: "Thanks, Guys!"
A2: "Are you boys all in the same band?"
A3: Do you guys all play for the <team name>?
A4: Who were all those guys?

65. Q: Why is a blonde like a door knob?
A: Because everybody gets a turn.

66. Q: Why is a blonde like railroad tracks?
A: Because she's been laid all over the country.

67. Q: What important question does a blonde ask her mate before having sex?
A: Do you want this by the hour, or the flat rate?

68. Q: Why do blonde girls have trouble achieving orgasm?
A: *Who cares?*

69. Q: Why do blondes have orgasms?
A: So they know when to stop having sex!

70. Q: How do you tell when a blonde reaches orgasm?
A1: She drops her nail-file!
A2: Who cares?
A3: She says, "Next".
A4: The next person in the queue taps you on the shoulder.
A5: He's had his clothes for about 2 minutes.
A6: I mean, who really cares?
A7: The batteries have run out.

71. Q: What does a blonde say when you blow in their ear?
A: "Thanks for the refill!"

72. Q: What is it called when a blonde blows in another blonde's ear?
A: Data transfer.

73. Q: Why do blondes use tapons with extra long strings?
A: So the crabs can go bungee-jumping.

74. Q: How can you tell which blonde is the waitress?
A: She is the one with the tampon behind her ear, wondering
what she did with her pencil.

[SlIt1JohNNy]

75. Q: What did the blonde customer say to the buxom waitress (reading her
nametag) ?
A: "'Debbie'...that's cute. What did you name the other one ?"

76. Q: Why do blondes have more fun?
A1: Because they don't know any better.
A2: They are easier to keep amused.

77. Q: How many blondes does it take to change a lightbulb?
A1: "What's a lightbulb?"
A2: One. She holds the bulb and the world revolves around her.
A3: Two. One to hold the Diet Pepsi, and one to call, "Daaady!"

78. Q: What's a blonde's favourite wine?
A: "Daaaddy, I want to go to Miaaami!"

79. Q: What do you call a basement full of blondes?
A: A wine cellar.

80. Q: Why are there no dumb brunettes?
A: Peroxide.

81. Q: Why does NASA hire peroxide blondes?
A: They're doing research on black holes.

82. Q: What does a peroxide blonde and a 747 have in common?
A1: They both have a black box.
A2: Both have a cockpit.

83. Q: What is the difference between a blonde and a 747?
A: Not everyone has been in a 747.

84. Q: What's the difference between a blonde and a limousine?
A: Not everybody has been in a limo.

85. Q: What does a blonde say when she gives birth?
A: Gee, Are you sure it's mine?

86. Q: What did the blonde say when she found out she was pregnant?
A: "Are you sure it's mine?"

87. Q: What do you call 10 blondes standing ear to ear?
A: A wind tunnel.

88. Q: What do you call 15 blondes in a circle?
A: A dope ring.

89. Q: Santa Claus, the Tooth Fairy, a dumb blonde, and a smart
blonde are walking down the street when they spot a $10 bill.
Who picks it up?
A1: The dumb blonde! because, there is no such thing as Santa Claus,
the tooth fairy, or a smart blonde.
A2: None of them. There is no such thing as Santa Claus, the Tooth
Fairy or a smart blonde and the dumb blonde thought it was a gum
wrapper.

90. Q: Why did the blonde scale the glass wall?
A: To see what was on the other side.

91. Q: What do you do when a blonde throes a hand grenade at you?
A: Pull the pin and throw it back.

92. Q: Why do blondes take the pill?
A: So they know what day of the week it is.

93. Q: Why did the blonde stop using the pill?
A: Because it kept falling out.

94. Q: Why did the blonde have a sore navel?
A: Because her boyfriend was also blond!

95. Q: If a blonde and a brunette are tossed off a building, who hits the
ground first?
A: The brunette. The blonde has to stop to ask for directions.

96. Q: What happens when a blonde gets Alzheimers disease?
A: Her IQ goes up!

97. Q: What's the difference between Indiana and a blonde?
A: A blonde has larger hills and deeper valleys.

98. Q: Whats the difference between a blonde and a Porsche?
A: You don't lend the Porsche out to your friend.

99. Q: What's the difference between a blonde and a toothbrush?
A: You don't let your best friend borrow your toothbrush.

100. Q: What is the difference between butter and a blonde?
A: Butter is difficult to spread.

101. Q: What is the difference between a blonde and a bowling ball?
A1: You can only get three fingers in a bowling ball.
A2: You can't fit the blonde in the bowling ball.
A3: There is no difference. They're both round and have
three holes to poke.
A4: You don't eat your bowling ball

102. Q: What do a bowling ball and a blonde have in common?
A: Chances are they'll both end up in the gutter.

103. Q: What is the difference between a blonde and "The Titanic"?
A: They know how many men went down on "The Titanic".

104. Q: What is the difference between a smart blonde and Bigfoot?
A: Bigfoot has been spotted.

105. Q: What's the difference between a blonde and a telephone?
A: It costs 30 cents to use a telephone.

106. Q: What's the difference between a blonde and a guy?
A: The blonde has the higher sperm count.

107. Q: What is the difference between a blonde and the Grand Old Duke of
York?
A: The Grand Old Duke of York only 'had' 10000 men.

108. Q: Why is a washing machine better than a blonde?
A: Because you can drop your load in a washing machine, and it
won't follow you around for a week.

109. Q: What do blondes and cow-pats have in common?
A: They both get easier to pick-up with age.

110. Q: What does a screen door and a blonde have in common?
A: The more you bang it, the looser it gets.

111. Q: What does a blonde and a beer bottle have in common?
A: They're both empty from the neck up.

112. Q: What do blondes and spaghetti have in common?
A: They both wriggle when you eat them.

113. Q: Why did the deaf blonde sit on a newspaper?
A: So she could lip read.

114. Q: What do peroxide blondes and black men have in common?
A: They both have black roots.

115. Q: What do you call a blonde with a bag of sugar on her head?
A: Sweet Fuck All...

116. Q: How do you drown a blonde?
A1: Put a mirror at the bottom of the pool.
A2: Don't tell her to swallow.
A3: Leave a scratch and sniff at the bottom of the pool.

117. Q: Why did the blonde drown in the pool?
A: Someone left a scratch and sniff at the bottom of the pool.

118. Q: Why do blondes have square boobs?
A: Because they forgot to take the tissues out of the box.

119. Q: How many blondes does it take to make chocolate-chip cookies?
A1: 10. One to mix the dough and nine to peel the smarties.
A2: Three...one to mix the batter and two to squeeze the rabbit.
A3: Two...one to make batter and one to peel the M&Ms.

120. Q: How do you tell if a blonde did your landscaping?
A: The bushes are darker than the rest of the yard.

121. Q: What did the blonde's mom say to her before the blonde's date?
A: If you're not in bed by 12, come home.

122. Q: What's the blonde's cheer?
A: " I'm blonde, I'm blonde, I'm B.L.O.N....ah, oh well..
I'm blonde, I'm blonde, yea yea yea..."

123. Q: What do you get when you offer a blonde a penny for her thoughts?
A: Change.

124. Q: How does a blonde moonwalk?
A: She pulls down her panties and slides her ass along the floor!

125. Q: Why do blondes find it difficult to marry?
A: Because you don't have to marry them for sex!

126. Q: What do you get when you cross a blonde and a gorilla?
A: Who knows, there is only so much a gorilla can be forced to do.

127. Q: Why does a blonde only change her baby's diapers every month?
A: Because it says right on it "good for up to 20 pounds."

128. Q: How did the blonde try to kill the bird?
A: She threw it off a cliff.

129. Q: How does a blonde kill a fish?
A: She drowns it.

130. Q: Why did the blonde get so excited after she finished her jigsaw
puzzle in only 6 months?
A: Because on the box it said From 2-4 years.

131. Q: What do you say to a blonde with no arms and no legs?
A: "Nice tits!"

132. Q: How does a blonde high-5?
A: She smacks herself in the forehead.

133. Q: How do you amuse a blonde for hours?
A: Write 'Please turn over' on both sides of a piece of paper.

134. Q: Why aren't there many blonde gymnasts?
A: Because when they do the splits, they stick to the floor.

135. Q: Why do blondes have legs?
A1: So they don't get stuck to the ground.
A2: To get between the bedroom and the kitchen.
A3: So they don't leave trails, like little snails.

136. Q: Why did the blonde go half way to Norway and then turn around
and come home?
A: It took her that long to discover that a 14-inch Viking was a
television.

137. Q: What is the irritating part around a blonde's vagina?
A1: The blonde!
A2: The other guys waiting their turn.

138. Q: How do you describe a blonde, surrounded by drooling idiots?
A: Flattered.

139. Q: Why do blondes always die before help arrives?
A: They always forget the "11" in "9-1-1".

140. Q: What did the blonde say when asked if she'd ever been picked
up by "the fuzz"?
A: "No. But I've been swung around by the tits."

141. Q: What do you call a swimming pool full of blondes?
A: Frosted Flakes.

142. Q: What do you call 20 blondes in a freezer?
A: Frosted Flakes.

143. Q: How does a blonde interpret 6.9?
A: A 69 interrupted by a period.

144. Q: What's the difference between a blonde having her period and
a terrorist?
A: You can negotiate with a terrorist.

145. Q: What did the blonde say when she looked into a box of Cheerios?
A: "Oh look! Donut seeds!"

146. Q: Why do blondes have two more brain cells than a cow?
A1: So they don't shit everywhere when you pull their tits.
A2: So that when you pull their tits, they don't moo.

147. Q: Why don't blondes breast feed?
A: Because they always burn their nipples.

148. Q: Did you hear about the blonde lesbian?
A: She kept having affairs with men!

[SlIt1JohNNy]

149. Q: Why do blondes put their hair in ponytails?
A: To cover up the valve stem.

150. Q: What did the blonde name her pet zebra?
A: Spot.

151. Q: What do you call a fly buzzing inside a blonde's head?
A: A Space Invader.

152. Q: What's a blondes' favourite rock group?
A: Air Supply.

153. Q: What do you see when you look into a blonde's eyes?
A: The back of her head.

154. Q: Why do blondes drive VW's?
A: Because they can't spell PORSCHE!

155. Q: How do you make a blonde laugh on Monday mornings?
A: Tell them a joke on Friday night!

156. Q: Why did God create blondes?
A: Because sheep can't bring beer from the fridge.
Q: Why did God create brunettes?
A: Neither could the blondes.

157. Q: What do you call a blonde in a tree with a brief case?
A: Branch Manager.

158. Q: How did the dumb blonde break her leg raking leaves?
A: She fell out of the tree.

159. Q: Why do blondes have see-through lunch box lids?
A1: So they know if it is morning or afternoon.
A2: So that when they're on the train they can tell
if they're going to work or coming home.

160. Q: Whats black and fuzzy and hangs from the ceiling?
A: A blonde electrician.

161. Q: Why are dumb blonde jokes so short?
A1: So brunettes can remember them.
A2: Because blondes are so SHALLOW a long joke wouldn't fit.
A3: So men can understand them.

162. Q: Why wasn't the Virgin Mary a blonde?
A: She wouldn't have been old enough to bear children!

163. Q: What do you call a smart blonde?
A1: A golden retriever.
A2: A labrador.
A3: An indicator of a really bad hangover.

164. Q: Why are blondes hurt by people's words?
A: Because people keep hitting them with dictionaries.

165. Q: Why do blondes have periods?
A: They deserve them.

166. Q: Why did the blonde fail at being a prostitute?
A: Because she gave blow-jobs literally.

167. Q: Why did the blonde smile when she walked the marriage aisle?
A: She realized she gave her last blowjob.

168. Q: What did the blonde do when she got her period?
A: Looked around for the bastard that must have shot her?

169. Q: Why did they call the blonde "twinkie"?
A: She liked to be filled with cream.

170. Q: What did the blonde say to the physicist?
A: "Why, I just _love_ nuclear fission! What do you use for bait?"

171. Q: Why are blondes like cornflakes?
A: Because they're simple, easy and they taste good.

172. Q: How does a blonde hold her liquor?
A: By the ears.

173. Q: How do you know when a blonde has been making chocolate chip cookies?
A: You find M&M shells all over the kitchen floor.

174. Q: How do you drive a blonde crazy?
A: Give her a bag of M&Ms and tell her to alphabetise them.

175. Q: What job function does a blonde have in an M&M factory?
A: Proofreading.

176. Q: Do you know why the blonde got fired from the M&M factory?
A: For throwing out the W's.

177. Q: Why did the blonde try to steal a police car?
A: She saw "911" and thought it was a Porsche.

178. Q: What do you call a blonde skeleton in the closet?
A: Last year's hide and seek champ.

179. Q: How do you get a blonde pregnant?
A: Come in her shoes and let the flies do the rest.

180. Q: What's the difference between a blonde track team and a tribe of sly
pygmies?
A: One's a bunch a cunning runts.

181. Q: What's the difference between a blonde and the Suez/Panama Canal?
A: One's a busy ditch.

182. Q: What is the difference between a blonde and a toilet?
A: A toilet won't follow you around after you use it.

183. Q: What's the difference between a blonde and a rooster?
A: In the morning a rooster says, "Cock'll-doodl-doooo", while a
blonde says, "Any-cock'll-doooo."

184. Q: What's the difference between a blonde and a supermarket trolley?
A: The supermarket trolley has a mind of its own.

185. Q: What's the difference between a blonde and your job?
A: Your job still sucks after 6 months.

186. Q: What's the difference between a blonde and a trampoline?
A: You take off your shoes before using a trampoline.

187. Q: What's the difference between a prostitute, a nymphomaniac,
and a blonde?
A: The prostitute says, "Aren't you done yet?"
The nympho says, "Are you done already?"
The blonde says, "Beige...I think I'll paint the ceiling beige."

188. Q: How do you get a blonde to marry you?
A: Tell her she's pregnant.
Q: What will she ask you?
A: "Is it mine?"

189. Q: What do you call a dumb blonde behind a steering wheel?
A: An air bag.

190. Q: Why are there lip stick stains on the steering wheel after a blonde
drives a car?
A: Cause she blows the horn!

191. Q: What does a blonde say when you ask her if her blinker is on?
A: It's on. It's off. It's on. It's off. It's on. It's off.

192. Q: Why did the blonde drive into the ditch?
A: To turn the blinker off.

193. Q: What goes VROOM, SCREECH,VROOM, SCREECH,VROOM, SCREECH?
A: A blonde going through a flashing red light.

194. Q: What is happening when you hear varoom...screech, varoom...screech,
varoom...screech.....?
A: A blonde trying to drive through an intersection with a flashing
red light.

195. Q: Why did the blonde tattoo her zip code on her stomach?
A: So her male would get delivered to the right box.


196. Q: Did you hear about the blonde couple that were found frozen to death
in their car at a drive-in movie theater?
A: They went to see "Closed for the Winter".

197. Q: How can you tell when a blonde is dating?
A: By the buckle print on her forehead.

198. Q: How can you tell who is a blonde's boyfriend?
A: He's the one with the belt buckle the matches the impression in her
forehead.

199. Q: What is the blonde's chronic speech impediment?
A: She can't say "No".

200. Q: What did they name the offspring of a blonde and a Puerto Rican?
A: Retardo.

201. Q: What do you call a blonde in an institution of higher learning?
A: A visitor.

202. Q: Why did the blonde wear condoms on her ears?
A: So she wouldn't get Hearing Aides.

203. Q: How can you tell if a blonde works in an office?
A: A bed in the stockroom and huge smiles on all the bosses' faces.

204. Q: Why can't blondes put in light bulbs?
A: They keep breaking them with the hammers.

205. Q: What is a cool refreshing drink for a blonde?
A: Perri-air.

206. Q: Did you hear about the blonde coyote?
A: Got stuck in a trap, chewed off three legs and was still stuck.

207. Q: Why did the blonde take her typewriter to the doctor?
A: She thought it was pregnant because missed a period.

208. Q: When is it legal to shoot a blonde in the head?
A: When you have a tire pump to reinflate it!

209. Q: What is a blonde's favorite part of a gas station?
A: The Air Pump!

210. Q: How do you measure a blonde's intelligence?
A: Stick a tire pressure gauge in her ear!

211. Q: Why was the blonde upset when she got her Driver's License?
A: Because she got an F in sex.

212. Q: What do you call two nuns and a blonde?
A: Two tight ends and a wide receiver.

213. Q: Why did the blonde cross the road?
A1: Forget the road, what was she doing out of the bedroom!?
A2: I don't know.
R: Neither did she.

214. Q: Did you here about the blonde who shot an arrow into the air?
A: She missed.

215. Did you here about the blonde that stayed up all night to see
where the sun went ? It finally dawned on her.

216. A blonde was driving down the highway to Disneyland when she saw
a sign that said "DISNEYLAND LEFT". After thinking for a minute,
she said to herself "oh well !" and turned around an drove home.

On her way home the same blonde drove past another sign that said
"CLEAN RESTROOMS 8 MILES". By the time she drove eight miles, she
had cleaned 43 restrooms.

217. How about the suicide blonde,
she dyed by her own hand.

218. A brunette and a blonde are walking along in a park. The brunette
says suddenly, "Awww, look at the dead birdie." The blonde stops,
looks up, and says, "Where?"

219. A policeman pulled a blonde over after he/she'd been driving the
wrong way on a one-way street.
Cop: Do you know where you were going?
Blonde: No, but wherever it is, it must be bad 'cause all the
people were leaving.

220. A cop stops a blonde woman who was driving down a motorway.
"Miss, may I see your driver's licence please?"
"Driver's licence? What's that?..."
"It's a little card with your picture on it."
"Oh, duh! Here it is..."
"May I have your car insurance?"
"What's that?..."
"It's a document that says you are allowed to drive the car."
"Oh this? Duh! Here you go..."
The cop then takes his dick out of his pants, while the blonde
exclaims:
"Oh no, not another breathalyzer test!"

[Mikesta619]

ahahahahaha mad good jokes rep for u

[Devastation]

What do you call a brunette that dies her hair blonde?

Bimbo/slut/skank/whore/etc...

[moldy_hair]

Q:How many blonde's does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A:One to screw in the light bulb...


Q:What the difference between a line of blonds and the circus?
A: The circus has a cunning array of stunts.

[west495]

well there is way to many there, so i didnt read them all, but they were ok