Ownage_Factor
10-28-2004, 10:56 PM
some jokes about signs (obviously)
BATHROOM WALL SIGNS
Friends don't let friends take home ugly men.
---Women's restroom, Starboard, Dewey Beach, DE
Remember, it's not, "How high are you?" it's, "Hi, how are you?"
---Rest stop off Route 81, WV
No matter how good she looks, some other guy is sick and tired of putting up with her shit.
---Men's Room, Linda's Bar and Grill, Chapel Hill, NC
A Woman's Rule of Thumb: If it has tires or testicles, you're going to have trouble with it.
---Women's restroom, Dick's Last Resort, Dallas, TX
Express Lane: Five beers or less.
---Sign over one of the urinals, Ed Debevic's, Beverly Hills, CA
You're too good for him.
---Sign over mirror in women's room, Ed Debevics, Beverly Hills, CA
No wonder you always go home alone.
---Sign over mirror in Men's room, Ed Debevic's, Beverly Hills, CA
The best way to a man's heart is to saw his breast plate open.
---Women's restroom, Murphy's, Champaign, IL
If you voted for Clinton in the last election, you can't take a dump here. Your asshole is in Washington.
---Men's room, Outback Steakhouse, Tacoma, WA
Beauty is only a light switch away.
---Perkins Library, Duke University, Durham, NC
If life is a waste of time, and time is a waste of life, then let's all get wasted together and have the time of our lives.
---Armand's Pizza, Washington, D.C.
Don't trust anything that bleeds for 5 days and doesn't die.
---Men's restroom, Murphy's, Champaign, IL
What are you looking up on the wall for? The joke is in your hands.
---Men's restroom, Lynagh's, Lexington, KY
SIGNS THAT LEAD TO MISUNDERSTANDING
In a restroom:
TOILET OUT OF ORDER - PLEASE USE FLOOR BELOW
In a laundromat:
AUTOMATIC WASHING MACHINES: PLEASE REMOVE ALL YOUR CLOTHES WHEN THE LIGHT GOES OUT
In a London department store:
BARGAIN BASEMENT UPSTAIRS
In an office:
WOULD THE PERSON WHO TOOK THE STEP LADDER YESTERDAY PLEASE BRING IT BACK OR FURTHER STEPS WILL BE TAKEN
In another office:
AFTER TEA BREAK STAFF SHOULD EMPTY THE TEAPOT AND STAND UPSIDE DOWN ON THE DRAINING BOARD
Outside a secondhand shop:
WE EXCHANGE ANYTHING - BICYCLES, WASHING MACHINES, ETC. WHY NOT BRING YOUR WIFE ALONG AND GET A WONDERFUL BARGAIN?
Notice in health food shop window:
CLOSED DUE TO ILLNESS
Spotted in a safari park:
ELEPHANTS PLEASE STAY IN YOUR CAR
Seen during a conference:
FOR ANYONE WHO HAS CHILDREN AND DOESN'T KNOW IT, THERE IS A DAY CARE ON THE 1ST FLOOR
Notice in a farmer's field:
THE FARMER ALLOWS WALKERS TO CROSS THE FIELD FOR FREE, BUT THE BULL CHARGES
Message on a leaflet:
IF YOU CANNOT READ, THIS LEAFLET WILL TELL YOU HOW TO GET LESSONS
On a repair shop door:
WE CAN REPAIR ANYTHING (PLEASE KNOCK HARD ON THE DOOR - THE BELL DOESN'T WORK)
-Howie
BATHROOM WALL SIGNS
Friends don't let friends take home ugly men.
---Women's restroom, Starboard, Dewey Beach, DE
Remember, it's not, "How high are you?" it's, "Hi, how are you?"
---Rest stop off Route 81, WV
No matter how good she looks, some other guy is sick and tired of putting up with her shit.
---Men's Room, Linda's Bar and Grill, Chapel Hill, NC
A Woman's Rule of Thumb: If it has tires or testicles, you're going to have trouble with it.
---Women's restroom, Dick's Last Resort, Dallas, TX
Express Lane: Five beers or less.
---Sign over one of the urinals, Ed Debevic's, Beverly Hills, CA
You're too good for him.
---Sign over mirror in women's room, Ed Debevics, Beverly Hills, CA
No wonder you always go home alone.
---Sign over mirror in Men's room, Ed Debevic's, Beverly Hills, CA
The best way to a man's heart is to saw his breast plate open.
---Women's restroom, Murphy's, Champaign, IL
If you voted for Clinton in the last election, you can't take a dump here. Your asshole is in Washington.
---Men's room, Outback Steakhouse, Tacoma, WA
Beauty is only a light switch away.
---Perkins Library, Duke University, Durham, NC
If life is a waste of time, and time is a waste of life, then let's all get wasted together and have the time of our lives.
---Armand's Pizza, Washington, D.C.
Don't trust anything that bleeds for 5 days and doesn't die.
---Men's restroom, Murphy's, Champaign, IL
What are you looking up on the wall for? The joke is in your hands.
---Men's restroom, Lynagh's, Lexington, KY
SIGNS THAT LEAD TO MISUNDERSTANDING
In a restroom:
TOILET OUT OF ORDER - PLEASE USE FLOOR BELOW
In a laundromat:
AUTOMATIC WASHING MACHINES: PLEASE REMOVE ALL YOUR CLOTHES WHEN THE LIGHT GOES OUT
In a London department store:
BARGAIN BASEMENT UPSTAIRS
In an office:
WOULD THE PERSON WHO TOOK THE STEP LADDER YESTERDAY PLEASE BRING IT BACK OR FURTHER STEPS WILL BE TAKEN
In another office:
AFTER TEA BREAK STAFF SHOULD EMPTY THE TEAPOT AND STAND UPSIDE DOWN ON THE DRAINING BOARD
Outside a secondhand shop:
WE EXCHANGE ANYTHING - BICYCLES, WASHING MACHINES, ETC. WHY NOT BRING YOUR WIFE ALONG AND GET A WONDERFUL BARGAIN?
Notice in health food shop window:
CLOSED DUE TO ILLNESS
Spotted in a safari park:
ELEPHANTS PLEASE STAY IN YOUR CAR
Seen during a conference:
FOR ANYONE WHO HAS CHILDREN AND DOESN'T KNOW IT, THERE IS A DAY CARE ON THE 1ST FLOOR
Notice in a farmer's field:
THE FARMER ALLOWS WALKERS TO CROSS THE FIELD FOR FREE, BUT THE BULL CHARGES
Message on a leaflet:
IF YOU CANNOT READ, THIS LEAFLET WILL TELL YOU HOW TO GET LESSONS
On a repair shop door:
WE CAN REPAIR ANYTHING (PLEASE KNOCK HARD ON THE DOOR - THE BELL DOESN'T WORK)
-Howie