Kwigz
11-02-2004, 04:57 PM
Apologies if any of these are reposts, but I found them pretty damn funny.....
Revenge is a dish best eaten cold.....
One day a 12-year-old boy walks into a brothel, dragging a dead frog behind him and says, ‘Hello, I’d like a girl for the night.’ The madam says, ‘I’m afraid you’re too young for one of my girls.’ So he gets out his wallet and gives her £200, to which she says, ‘She’ll be waiting for you upstairs.’ The boy says, ‘She’s got to have active herpes.’ ‘But all my girls are clean!’ So out comes another £200. The madam says, ‘Okay.’ So the boy goes upstairs, dragging the dead frog. Half an hour later, he comes back down, still dragging the dead frog. By now the madam is curious, and asks, ‘Why did you come in here dragging a dead frog and asking for a girl with active herpes?’ ‘Well,’ he says, ‘when I get home, I’ll fuck the baby-sitter, and she’ll get it. Then, when my parents get home, Dad will drive her home and have sex on the way, so he’ll get it. Later, Mum and Dad will make love, and she’ll get it. Then, when Dad has gone to work, the milkman will come round and fuck my mum, and he’ll get it. And he’s the bastard who killed my frog!’
Genuine Excuse
Pete rings his boss at work and says, ‘Look, I'm really sorry, but I can't come to work today. I'm sick.’ ‘Sick!’ screams his boss. ‘Sick! This is the tenth time this month, Pete. Exactly how sick are you?’ ‘Well,’ replies Pete. ‘I'm in bed with my 12-year-old sister.’
Hungry?
There’s an old couple sitting watching TV, when the woman decides she’s got to do something to spice up their lacklustre sex life. With a mischievous glint in her eye, she goes upstairs and searches through her wardrobe. She finds an old pair of stockings and suspenders, a moth-eaten basque and a fancy-dress cape. Putting them on, she creeps downstairs and kicks open the living room door. “Darling!” she shouts, running in. “Super Pussy!” Her husband glances up, then looks back at the television. “I’ll have the soup, thanks.”
Revenge is a dish best eaten cold.....
One day a 12-year-old boy walks into a brothel, dragging a dead frog behind him and says, ‘Hello, I’d like a girl for the night.’ The madam says, ‘I’m afraid you’re too young for one of my girls.’ So he gets out his wallet and gives her £200, to which she says, ‘She’ll be waiting for you upstairs.’ The boy says, ‘She’s got to have active herpes.’ ‘But all my girls are clean!’ So out comes another £200. The madam says, ‘Okay.’ So the boy goes upstairs, dragging the dead frog. Half an hour later, he comes back down, still dragging the dead frog. By now the madam is curious, and asks, ‘Why did you come in here dragging a dead frog and asking for a girl with active herpes?’ ‘Well,’ he says, ‘when I get home, I’ll fuck the baby-sitter, and she’ll get it. Then, when my parents get home, Dad will drive her home and have sex on the way, so he’ll get it. Later, Mum and Dad will make love, and she’ll get it. Then, when Dad has gone to work, the milkman will come round and fuck my mum, and he’ll get it. And he’s the bastard who killed my frog!’
Genuine Excuse
Pete rings his boss at work and says, ‘Look, I'm really sorry, but I can't come to work today. I'm sick.’ ‘Sick!’ screams his boss. ‘Sick! This is the tenth time this month, Pete. Exactly how sick are you?’ ‘Well,’ replies Pete. ‘I'm in bed with my 12-year-old sister.’
Hungry?
There’s an old couple sitting watching TV, when the woman decides she’s got to do something to spice up their lacklustre sex life. With a mischievous glint in her eye, she goes upstairs and searches through her wardrobe. She finds an old pair of stockings and suspenders, a moth-eaten basque and a fancy-dress cape. Putting them on, she creeps downstairs and kicks open the living room door. “Darling!” she shouts, running in. “Super Pussy!” Her husband glances up, then looks back at the television. “I’ll have the soup, thanks.”