kupkrazie
11-06-2004, 04:05 AM
stop me if you've heard this;
Mr. Johnson, the town pharmacist answered the phone to hear Mr stevens yelling, quite angrily at him. "whoa, calm down Mr. Stevens, what seems to be the matter?
Mr. Stevens replied, "what gives you the right to talk dirty to my wife?"
"Hold on Mr. Stevens, let me explain." said the pharmacist. "You see, as you know I like to open up at 7:00 a.m. sharp every morning, well, my alarm clock malfunctioned this mornin and I shot up at 7:15, I jumped out of bed, ran to the closet to get my clothes, just as the door opened, my bowling ball rolled off the top shelf and landed on my bare foot. I limped to the bathroom, dripping blood across my new carpet as I went, as I reached the bathroom, I stubbed my toe on the other foot on the doorway. By the time I cleaned up both feet and the carpet, it was 7:25, I turned on the sink to shave and found I had no hot water, I yelled down to my wife and she said that the water heater sprung a leak and she was in the process of cleaning it up. So I shaved with cold water, half way through shaving, I cut my cheek. After shaving I, forgetting about my cut cheek, splashed on some after shave. I threw on a shirt and pants, pulled up my zipper and caught my unit with the zipper. I ran down stairs and picked up a cup that I thought contained prune juice which actually contained hot coffee and downed it, I felt it burn my entire throat. I rushed out the door, jumped in my car and sped down my driveway, little did I know that my wifes cat was asleep behind my rear tire. After removing the carcus, I sped away. Half way to the store, I was pulled over and recieved a citation for speeding. I arrived at the store at 8:10 as an angry line waited. I fumbled for the keys, found the right one and turned it in the lock, it snapped off in the lock. I pulled a hankerchief from my pocket and punched in the glass on the door and opened it. As I removed the hankerchief, I noticed that I had cut my hand in several places. As the customers came in, I pulled the cash from my safe to put in the register, as I opened the roll of quarters, it broke open and flew across the floor, after I picked them up, I got up and hit my head on the bottom side of the cash drawer. That is when I saw your wife standing in front of me with an item she wanted to purchase. she put it on the counter and asked me, How do you use a rectal thermometer?"
Mr. Johnson, the town pharmacist answered the phone to hear Mr stevens yelling, quite angrily at him. "whoa, calm down Mr. Stevens, what seems to be the matter?
Mr. Stevens replied, "what gives you the right to talk dirty to my wife?"
"Hold on Mr. Stevens, let me explain." said the pharmacist. "You see, as you know I like to open up at 7:00 a.m. sharp every morning, well, my alarm clock malfunctioned this mornin and I shot up at 7:15, I jumped out of bed, ran to the closet to get my clothes, just as the door opened, my bowling ball rolled off the top shelf and landed on my bare foot. I limped to the bathroom, dripping blood across my new carpet as I went, as I reached the bathroom, I stubbed my toe on the other foot on the doorway. By the time I cleaned up both feet and the carpet, it was 7:25, I turned on the sink to shave and found I had no hot water, I yelled down to my wife and she said that the water heater sprung a leak and she was in the process of cleaning it up. So I shaved with cold water, half way through shaving, I cut my cheek. After shaving I, forgetting about my cut cheek, splashed on some after shave. I threw on a shirt and pants, pulled up my zipper and caught my unit with the zipper. I ran down stairs and picked up a cup that I thought contained prune juice which actually contained hot coffee and downed it, I felt it burn my entire throat. I rushed out the door, jumped in my car and sped down my driveway, little did I know that my wifes cat was asleep behind my rear tire. After removing the carcus, I sped away. Half way to the store, I was pulled over and recieved a citation for speeding. I arrived at the store at 8:10 as an angry line waited. I fumbled for the keys, found the right one and turned it in the lock, it snapped off in the lock. I pulled a hankerchief from my pocket and punched in the glass on the door and opened it. As I removed the hankerchief, I noticed that I had cut my hand in several places. As the customers came in, I pulled the cash from my safe to put in the register, as I opened the roll of quarters, it broke open and flew across the floor, after I picked them up, I got up and hit my head on the bottom side of the cash drawer. That is when I saw your wife standing in front of me with an item she wanted to purchase. she put it on the counter and asked me, How do you use a rectal thermometer?"