Wtf Do You Want

[callmejulio]

I'm not sure if any of these jokes have been posted before, so I'm just gonna write a short summary of some of the jokes I know and you tell me if you want me to post them.

>The one about the ugly people's convention that gets blown up and all of them go to heaven

>The one about the voodoo dick

>The one about 3 guys that are at the pearly gates but St Peter will only let one of them in so he tells them to tell him how they died

>The one about the guy who moves to Alaska and asks some guys what he should do to become a true Alaskan.

>The one about the drunk guy beating up a nun

>The one about the magic frog and the guy with the 25 inch penis

>The one about two drunken irish men who have a lot in common

Just tell me which ones and I'll post em here. Also, I know almost every joke out there, so if theres one that you don't quite remember, describe it and I'll try to post it.

[Devastation]

HAHA those were some great jokes Julio, lmfao...
:icon_rofl :icon_rofl :icon_rofl




... :insane:

[callmejulio]

^ Your missing the point. If you see a joke there you haven't heard before, say something like, "tell me the one about the voodoo dick," and I'll write out the whole joke

[Devastation]

I know, I was making fun of your posts because I've heard them all


But just for kicks.

Tell me about your voodoo dick.

[Genghis Shan]

I know, I was making fun of your posts because I've heard them all


But just for kicks.

Tell me about your voodoo dick.
I'll tell the one about the voodoo dick:


One day, a man had to go out of town on a business trip for about a month. Not wanting to leave his wife with nothing to do, he decides to get her something from the sex shop.
He goes in and asks the clerk if he has anything extra special. The clerk tells him that he has a very rare "Voodoo Penis."
"But that looks like just an ordinary dildo," the husband said.
"Ah, but this is a magic dildo!" said the cleak. "Watch: Voodoo penis, the door!" Suddenly, the dildo shot out of the box and started ramming up against the door. "Voodoo penis, return!" The dildo returned to the box.
"Wow! That's great! I'll take it!" The man returned home to his wife and showed her her present. "This is a magic dildo! Since I won't be here to pleasure you for the next month, I figured I'd get you this. Just tell it what you want, and it will obey!"
The wife thought this sounded pretty lame, but she took it anyways. Well, a week went by and the wife decided to see if this was for real. She took the box on the bed with her and opened it up. "Voodoo penis, my crotch!" The voodoo penis shot up out of the box and went straight for home. The wife was really enjoying this, but after a while she started to get tired. Unfortunantly, her husband had forgotten to tell her how to shut it off. So she figured she'd drive to the hospital and let them sort it out.
Well, the dildo made driving really hard, so she kept swerving around a lot. A policeman saw her and pulled her over. "Ma'am, have you been drinking?"
"No officer, I have a voodoo penis and I can't get it to stop!"
"A WHAT???"
"It's a magic dildo! My husband gave it to me!"
"Son of a.... Just when you think you've heard every excuse. A magic dildo! Bah! Voodoo penis, my ass!

[Chocotaco]

Yeah, at first I didn't get that, then I read the last two lines again. You made me realize that I have no life. :help:

[Hurley8957]

Haha. That was pretty good. :)

[killerclown]

Yeah, that voodoo penis one has been posted here before, but I think it was before they deleted all the threads.

[callmejulio]

That's why I diddn't write out the whole thing. Are there any others of those jokes above that you guys want to hear?

[Eminem]

>The one about the guy who moves to Alaska and asks some guys what he should do to become a true Alaskan.

[callmejulio]

So this guy moves to Alaska and he wants to become a true Alaskan. So he goes to a bar and looks for the most alaska-like people he sees. He sees a group of three ruggad guys sitting at the bar and goes up to them. "Hey," he says, "I just moved here from Florida and I was wondering what I should do to become a true Alaskan." So the 3 guys decide to mess with his head and make some shit up. "First," they said, "you have to drink one gallon of our home made whiskey in one gulp. Second, you've got to kill a polar bear with your bare hands, and third, you have to have sex with an eskimo girl." So the guy, taking them seriously, orders a gallon of Alaskan whiskey and he drinks it all in one gulp. After that he leaves the bar and the 3 guys inside hear nothing for awhile. After a couple minutes, they hear roaring and screaming coming from outside for a few minutes, and then silence. "Oh my god." said one of the men, "he's dead and its all our fault. We should-". He was interrupted as all of the sudden, the guy from Florida staggers into the bar with blood and scratches all over his body. "Okay," he says, "Now where's that eskimo I gotta kill?"

[dorito]

>The one about the ugly people's convention that gets blown up and all of them go to heaven

>The one about the drunk guy beating up a nun

>The one about the magic frog and the guy with the 25 inch penis

>The one about two drunken irish men who have a lot in common

[callmejulio]

There was a convention for ugly people being held in South Dakota. All of the ugly people were at the convention when suddenly a meteor struck the building and killed everyone. God met them all at the gates of heaven and told them, "All of you have lived honest, noble lives, and you have suffered the pains of being unattractive. As a reward for your hardships, I will grant each of you one wish." The first person steps up and says, "Can we wish for anything?" "Yes, you can." "Then there is one thing i want more than anything else. All my life, I have lived with this hideous face, and all I want is to be beautiful and know what it is like to be normal." "Very well, your wish is granted," and the ugly person became beautiful. So god went to each person, and they all wished to be beautiful. Finally, god came to the last person and said, "Now what is your wish?" The man, laughing hysterically, says, "Make 'em all ugly again."

A nun was walking down the road one night when all of the sudden, a drunk guy jumped out of the shadows and started beating the nun over the head with a chair. He hits her until she's unconscious and then begins to kick her. After the drunk is done, he says, "You're not so tough now are you, batman."

There once was a man who had a 25" penis. Now although he was very well endowed, he did not like this penis as it was too huge and would flop down past his knees. So he goes to the doctor and asks him if there's any surgery or treatment that could be done to shorten his penis. The doctor says, "There is no medical treatment for your condition, but there is one unorthidox method that I can suggest for you. You must trek through the deserts of New Mexico until you come across a magical blue frog. You must get this frog to say 'no' to you, and for every time the frog says 'no,' your penis will shorten by 5 inches." So the man treks through the desert of NM for three days until he finally sees the blue frog. He goes up to the frog and says, "Blue frog, will you have sex with me?" and the frog shouts "NO!" The man looks in his pants and his dick is now 20". So again he says, "Blue frog, will you have sex with me?" and the frog once again says "NO!" Now his penis was 15", but that was still a bit too long, so he decided to ask the frog one more time. "Blue frog, will you have sex with me?" and the frog says, "NO, NO, AND FOR THE LAST TIME, NO!"