kenmore
11-13-2004, 11:00 PM
Dear Sue,
Yep, it's another note from your bottom dwelling brother. Last week, I had a really bad day
at the office. I was testing a new device that could enable oceanographers like me to work
at the bottom of the sea even in the coldest temperatures.
Here's how it works. On the dock of the ship we have a diesel powered water heater. IT sucks
water out of the sea and heats it to the temperature of bath water. The warm water is pumped into diver's
wet suit through a very long hose.
It sounded like a good plan to me so I put on my wet suit, attached the hose to the opening at the
back of my neck, and went down. My whole suit was flooded with warm water. It was like working
in a Jacuzzi. Everything was going great until my ass started to itch. Naturally, I
scratched it. But within a few seconds, my itchy ass started to burn. I'm not talking about
mild discomfort here, I mean someone's holding a flame thrower set on high to my rectum.
In agony, I realized what had happened. The pump back on deck had sucked up a jellyfish and
pumped it down into my suit. The little jellyfish had slid effortlessly down my smooth,
hairless back and finally found a place to grab on to when it reached the definitely not
so hairless crack of my ass. By scratching I had actually driving the jellyfish further up my butt.
I radioed the dive supervisor of my situation and that I wanted to come up to the surface NOW.
All I heard in responce was hysterical laugher.
Since I was instructed to make 3 hellish in water decompression stops, it took over 35
minutes for me to reach the surface. When I climbed on board, the medic, with reats of laughter
streaming down his face, handed me a tube of cream and told me to coat my ass with it. The cream
put the fire out, but I couldn't shit for two daysbecause my asshole was swollen shut.
Since tehn we've modified the equipent to filter out sea creatures. And we've sent
our recommendations to the manufacturer.
Anyway, next time you have a bad day at the office, remember that it can't be as bad as
squashing a jellyfish up your ass.
Your loving brother,
Ted
Yep, it's another note from your bottom dwelling brother. Last week, I had a really bad day
at the office. I was testing a new device that could enable oceanographers like me to work
at the bottom of the sea even in the coldest temperatures.
Here's how it works. On the dock of the ship we have a diesel powered water heater. IT sucks
water out of the sea and heats it to the temperature of bath water. The warm water is pumped into diver's
wet suit through a very long hose.
It sounded like a good plan to me so I put on my wet suit, attached the hose to the opening at the
back of my neck, and went down. My whole suit was flooded with warm water. It was like working
in a Jacuzzi. Everything was going great until my ass started to itch. Naturally, I
scratched it. But within a few seconds, my itchy ass started to burn. I'm not talking about
mild discomfort here, I mean someone's holding a flame thrower set on high to my rectum.
In agony, I realized what had happened. The pump back on deck had sucked up a jellyfish and
pumped it down into my suit. The little jellyfish had slid effortlessly down my smooth,
hairless back and finally found a place to grab on to when it reached the definitely not
so hairless crack of my ass. By scratching I had actually driving the jellyfish further up my butt.
I radioed the dive supervisor of my situation and that I wanted to come up to the surface NOW.
All I heard in responce was hysterical laugher.
Since I was instructed to make 3 hellish in water decompression stops, it took over 35
minutes for me to reach the surface. When I climbed on board, the medic, with reats of laughter
streaming down his face, handed me a tube of cream and told me to coat my ass with it. The cream
put the fire out, but I couldn't shit for two daysbecause my asshole was swollen shut.
Since tehn we've modified the equipent to filter out sea creatures. And we've sent
our recommendations to the manufacturer.
Anyway, next time you have a bad day at the office, remember that it can't be as bad as
squashing a jellyfish up your ass.
Your loving brother,
Ted