Newfie Jokes

[Chewy]

Newfie and Russian Wrestling Match

A Russian and an Newfoundland wrestler were set to square off for the
Olympic Gold medal.

Before the final match, the Newfie wrestler's
trainer came to him and said, "Now, don't forget all the research we've
done on this Russian. He's never >lost a match because of this 'pretzel' hold he has, whatever you do, do not >let him get you in that hold! If he does, you're finished!"

The Newfie nodded in acknowledgement. As the match started, the Newfie and the Russian circled each other several times, looking for an opening. All of a sudden, the Russian lunged forward,
grabbing the Newfie and wrapping him >up in the dreaded pretzel hold.
A sigh of disappointment arose from the crowd and the trainer buried his face in his hands, for he knew all was lost. He couldn't watch the inevitable happen. Suddenly, there was a scream, then a cheer from the crowd and the trainer raised his eyes just in time to watch the Russian go flying up in the air. His back hit the mat with a thud and the Newfoundlander collapsed on top of him making the pin and winning the match.

The trainer was astounded. When he finally got his wrestler alone, He asked, "How did you ever get out of that hold? No one has ever done it before!"
The wrestler answered, "Well, I was ready to give up when he got me in that hold but at the last moment, I opened my eyes and saw this pair of testicles right in front of my face. I had nothing to lose so with my last ounce of strength I stretched out my neck and bit those babies just as hard as I could." "So," the trainer exclaimed, "That's what finished him off!" "Not really. You'd be amazed how strong you get when you bite your own nuts."

[dantris80]

he bit his own nuts.

thats the essence of the joke? man bites his own balls.


dude. do me a favour. and

SHUT
THE
FUCK
UP

[gigatonblast]

^ *performs autofellatio... nothin' new for him* Good one Chewy....

[dantris80]

^ *performs autofellatio... nothin' new for him* Good one Chewy....
firstly u dipshit mothre fucker


firstly. ur father is a slut.

good night

[Devastation]

firstly u dipshit mothre fucker


firstly. ur father is a slut.

good night
Firstly, I think it's safe to say that you're a fucking idiot. It was a good joke, I laughed, it was funny.

Secondly, don't smart off to your elders. I say that because all three of us (Chewy, Gigatonblast, and I) are adults and responsible people, whereas it is apparent that you are no older than 12.

Thirdly, you can't type worth a shit.

[gUy]

firstly u dipshit mothre fucker


firstly. ur father is a slut.

good night

what are you some kind of fucking idiot? And I believe the correct term is "man whore," and you have already taken that position:shuffle: , so I suggest YOU shut the fuck up you mothrefucker :rolleyes:

good joke by the way. just plain dirty and funny.

[Chewy]

firstly u dipshit mothre fucker


firstly. ur father is a slut.

good night

ahhh so maybe you are a Newfie sorry man, I didn't know.

Ok did you guys here about the 2 seatter airplane that crashed in a graveyard in Newfoundland? The Newfie Search and Rescue has claimed it to the worst air disaster in the history of newfound land currently the body count is over 200 and they expect it rise as the keep digging.





ok I like this one


The Newfie Mountie:


Two men are driving through Newfoundland when they get pulled over by a
Newfie Mountie. The mountie walks up and taps on the window with his
nightstick, the driver rolls down the window and "WHACK", the Mountie smacks
him in the head with the stick.
The driver says, "what the hell was that for?"
The Mountie says, "You're in Newfoundland my son. When we pulls you over,
you better have your license ready when we get to your car."
The driver says, "I'm sorry, Officer, I'm not from around here."
The Mountie runs a check on the guy's license, and he's clean. He gives the
guy his license back and walks around to the passenger side and taps on the
window. The passenger rolls down the window and "WHACK", the Mountie smacks
him up side the head with the nightstick too.
The passenger says, "What'd you do that for?"
The Mountie says, "Just making your wish come true."
The Passenger says, "huh?"
The Mountie says, "I knows that two miles down the road you're gonna say, "I
wish that asshole would've tried that shit with me!"


ok one more:


Johnny was working at the fish plant in Carbonear when he accidentally cut off all ten of his fingers. He went to the emergency room in St. John's and
when he got there the doctor looked at Johnny and said "Let's have da fingers and I'll see what I can do."

Johnny said, "I haven't got da fingers."

"What do you mean, you haven't got da fingers? For Pete's sake it's 2004!
We got microsurgery and all kinds of incredible techniques. I could have put dem back on and made you like new! Why didn't you bring da fingers?"

Johnny says ................ (Are you ready for this?????)






(Are you sure?????)





(Remember this is a Newfie ..... ok....ok....ok....here it is.....












"How da fock was I suppose to pick dem up???"

[dantris80]

Firstly, I think it's safe to say that you're a fucking idiot. It was a good joke, I laughed, it was funny.

Secondly, don't smart off to your elders. I say that because all three of us (Chewy, Gigatonblast, and I) are adults and responsible people, whereas it is apparent that you are no older than 12.

Thirdly, you can't type worth a shit.

firstly. you mother and father are fucking idiots.

secondly, no. you're not adults. sorry. most adults i know have jobs and dont spend their time on humour forums. and if u are adults, u are probably fat. single. virgins. and talk about ur xbox games.

i'm 17, and can admit it. at least a 17 year old on a jokes forum doesn't look as bad as a bunch of fat ass middle aged men typing away with their thick glasses.

and lastly. you mother and father are whores.

[Lapse]

firstly u dipshit mothre fucker


firstly. ur father is a slut.

good night
Learn to count...

[dantris80]

Learn to count...
1 2 3
your mother is a he
4 5 6
your dad sucks dicks
7 8 9
you have to wait in line


now THAT is a funny joke. hmmm, well im not so sure about it being a joke, but it sure is funny.


good night muda fuckas

and please stop neg repping me.

[Sherlock]

and please stop neg repping me.
Thats only gonna get you more, and if you dont like the joke, say so and dont start trouble. You will probably get yourself banned anyway.


( Dont you think I would make a great mod ;) )

[Devastation]

firstly. you mother and father are fucking idiots.

secondly, no. you're not adults. sorry. most adults i know have jobs and dont spend their time on humour forums. and if u are adults, u are probably fat. single. virgins. and talk about ur xbox games.

i'm 17, and can admit it. at least a 17 year old on a jokes forum doesn't look as bad as a bunch of fat ass middle aged men typing away with their thick glasses.

and lastly. you mother and father are whores.
I'm 23, married, I work three jobs, just happens that two of those are desk jobs and are completely boring, I am a college student, I have perfect vision, in fact, my right eye has 20-15 vision, I'm very physically fit thanks to the years of idiocy when I was in high school, doing backyard wrestling and shit like that, and my parents are devout Catholics.

Your turn pretty boy.

Edit: I just looked at all your other posts, and throughout your existence on eBaum's, you have done nothing but flame people.

[dantris80]

I'm 23, married, I work three jobs, just happens that two of those are desk jobs and are completely boring, I am a college student, I have perfect vision, in fact, my right eye has 20-15 vision, I'm very physically fit thanks to the years of idiocy when I was in high school, doing backyard wrestling and shit like that, and my parents are devout Catholics.

Your turn pretty boy.

Edit: I just looked at all your other posts, and throughout your existence on eBaum's, you have done nothing but flame people.

sup? my names bill gates. no. donald trump, i got lots of tha cash and i fuck supermodels.

good night

[dantris80]

( Dont you think I would make a great mod ;) )

no. i think u would make a shit mod. sorry. and next time, you should put a question mark at the end of every question, to make you appear more intelligent.

example "Dont you think I would make a great mod?"

[Senor_Queso]

no. i think u would make a shit mod. sorry. and next time, you should put a question mark at the end of every question, to make you appear more intelligent.

example "Dont you think I would make a great mod?"
Look at your previous posts. Do you really think you're in a position to correct other people's grammar when you don't even have a grasp of English?

(And btw, I think you'd make a great mod, Sherlock ;) )

[Lapse]

sup? my names bill gates. no. donald trump, i got lots of tha cash and i fuck supermodels.

good night
barbie dolls? :wtf:

[Chewy]

barbie dolls? :wtf:
I think it's those inflate-a-mates... dantris80 .. you kill me... out of all the pimple faced kids in your trailer park you the one kid with a computer. :wtf: and this is how you spend your day... maybe you need to stick to familiar settings (http://pbskids.org/teletubbies/teletubbyland.html) and come back when you pack on a few years.

[OLIAX]

sup? my names bill gates. no. donald trump, i got lots of tha cash and i fuck supermodels.

good night

sup my names the whistler I just got the bansticks after you

good night

[Chewy]

another Newfie Joke.

A Newfie was going to Toronto on the Airplane and started talking
to an Mainlander.


Newfie: Lord Tundrin' Geeses Bye, What do you do for a livin'?
Mainlander: Well, I'm a Psychoanalyst.
Newfie: Psychoanalyst, What the Heck is that?
Mainlander: It's hard to explain so I'll give you an example.


Mainlander: Do you own a Fishtank?
Newfie: Yes, I got a tank.
Mainlander: Well, I bet you like fish then?
Newfie: Yeah, I like fish.
Mainlander: Well, if you like fish then you probably like the water.
Newfie: Yeah, I love the water.
Mainlander: Well, if you like the water, then you probably like to
go to the beach.
Newfie: I love to go the beach.
Mainlander: I bet you like to look at girls in bikinis while you're
at the beach.
Newfie: You betcha.
Mainlander: And as you're looking at girls on the beach I bet you
think
about taking them home and having your way with them.
Newfie: Gosh, How did you know that?
Mainlander: Well, that's what a Psychoanalyst is.
Newfie: Oh.


The Newfie was goin back to St. John's and started to talk to another
Mainlander on the plane.


Newfie: Hi, How ya doin?
Mainlander: Oh, fine I guess.
Newfie: I'm a Psychoanalyst.
Mainlander: You're a Psychoanalyst?
Newfie: Yeah, let me explain it to ya.


Newfie: Do you own a fishtank?
Mainlander: No.
Newfie: What are ya!? Some kind of faggot?

[dantris802]

SUP ALL


oh, and shut the fuck up please.

chewy, ur mother IS a trailer park.

kthnxbye

[Devastation]

SUP ALL


oh, and shut the fuck up please.

chewy, ur mother IS a trailer park.

kthnxbye
Wow, it's so great to have you back, until you get banned again for making another account. :rolleyes:

[Chewy]

SUP ALL


oh, and shut the fuck up please.

chewy, ur mother IS a trailer park.

kthnxbye

:icon_rofl The best part about this is he thinks he's flaming me... :icon_rofl
oh stop! oh stop! I won't mess with your mighty powers again!!!

[Polkovnik]

Hahahahahahha what a stupid dickeater! :lol:

[dantris80]

you cocksucking faggot virgins.

god damn, 2 years on and you're still posting on the forums. fat virgin nerds, LOL.

[mugford1]

lol im a newfoundlander or a newfie lol

[PetiteMorte]

you cocksucking faggot virgins.

god damn, 2 years on and you're still posting on the forums. fat virgin nerds, LOL.


omg haha this thread is hilarious. Welcome back dantris..

[The_Jag]

"How da fock was I suppose to pick dem up???"[/ahhh so maybe you are a Newfie sorry man, I didn't know.

Ok did you guys here about the 2 seatter airplane that crashed in a graveyard in Newfoundland? The Newfie Search and Rescue has claimed it to the worst air disaster in the history of newfound land currently the body count is over 200 and they expect it rise as the keep digging.





ok I like this one


The Newfie Mountie:


Two men are driving through Newfoundland when they get pulled over by a
Newfie Mountie. The mountie walks up and taps on the window with his
nightstick, the driver rolls down the window and "WHACK", the Mountie smacks
him in the head with the stick.
The driver says, "what the hell was that for?"
The Mountie says, "You're in Newfoundland my son. When we pulls you over,
you better have your license ready when we get to your car."
The driver says, "I'm sorry, Officer, I'm not from around here."
The Mountie runs a check on the guy's license, and he's clean. He gives the
guy his license back and walks around to the passenger side and taps on the
window. The passenger rolls down the window and "WHACK", the Mountie smacks
him up side the head with the nightstick too.
The passenger says, "What'd you do that for?"
The Mountie says, "Just making your wish come true."
The Passenger says, "huh?"
The Mountie says, "I knows that two miles down the road you're gonna say, "I
wish that asshole would've tried that shit with me!"


ok one more:


Johnny was working at the fish plant in Carbonear when he accidentally cut off all ten of his fingers. He went to the emergency room in St. John's and
when he got there the doctor looked at Johnny and said "Let's have da fingers and I'll see what I can do."

Johnny said, "I haven't got da fingers."

"What do you mean, you haven't got da fingers? For Pete's sake it's 2004!
We got microsurgery and all kinds of incredible techniques. I could have put dem back on and made you like new! Why didn't you bring da fingers?"

Johnny says ................ (Are you ready for this?????)






(Are you sure?????)





(Remember this is a Newfie ..... ok....ok....ok....here it is.....












"How da fock was I suppose to pick dem up???"