Sexist Jokes

[callmejulio]

Post 'em here.

Why did God give men penises?
So we'd have at least one way to shut a woman up.

What's it called when a woman is paralyzed from the waist down?
Marriage.

Why are hangovers better than women?
Hangovers will go away.

What does a 75 year old woman have between her breasts that a 25
year old doesn't?
Her navel.

Why do men die before their wives?
They want to.

What's the difference between a woman with PMS and a pitbull?
Lipstick.

Why do women have tits?
So men will talk to them.

What's six inches long and two inches wide and drives women wild?
Money.

Why do women have periods?
They deserve them.

How many women does it take to change a light bulb?
None, they just sit there in the dark and bitch.

What's the difference between your wife and your job?
After 5 years your job will still suck.

:lol: :lol:

[joshisposer]

those were great
i am just gonna repeat those all day

[whocares]

What she says, what she means!!

I need = I want
We need = I want
It's your decision = The correct decision should be obvious by now
Do whatever you want = You are going to pay for this later
We need to talk = I need to complain
Sure...go ahead = I don't want you to
I'm not upset = Of course I'm upset, you moron!
You're so manly = You need a shave and you sweat a lot
You're certainly attentive tonight = Is sex all you ever think about?
I'm not emotional! And I'm not overreacting! = I have a severe case of PMS
Be romantic, turn out the lights = I have flabby thighs
This kitchen is so inconvenient = I want a new house
I want new curtains = I want new curtains, new carpeting, new furniture, new wallpaper...
I need new shoes = the other 40 pairs are simply the wrong shade
I heard a noise = I noticed you were almost asleep
Do you love me? = I'm going to ask for something expensive
How much do you love me? = I did something today you're really going to hate
I'll be ready in a minute = Kick off your shoes and find a good game on T.V.
Is my butt fat? = Tell me I'm beautiful
You have to learn to communicate = Just agree with me
Are you listening to me? = Too late, you're dead
Yes = No
No = No
Maybe = No
I'm sorry = You'll be sorry
I was wrong = Not as wrong as you
Do you like this recipe? = It's easy to fix, so you'd better get used to it
Was that the baby? = Why don't you get out of bed and walk him until he goes to sleep
I'm not yelling! = Of course I'm yelling, this is important!

What he says, what he means!!

I'm hungry = I'm hungry
I'm tired = I'm tired
Do you want to go to a movie? = I'd eventually like to have sex with you
Can I take you out to dinner? = I'd eventually like to have sex with you
Would you like to dance? = I'd eventually like to have sex with you
Can I call you sometime? = I'd eventually like to have sex with you
Nice dress! = Nice cleavage!
You look tense, let me give you a massage = I want to fondle you
What's wrong? = What meaningless self-inflicted psycho trauma are you going through now?
You look upset = I guess sex tonight is out of the question
Yes, I love your new hairstyle = I liked it better before
Yes, your haircut looks good = $50 and it doesn't even look different!
I like the first dress you tried on better = Pick any freakin' dress and let's go!

[DiSasTeRpIEcE-]

What she says, what she means!!

What he says, what he means!!

Do you want to go to a movie? = I'd eventually like to have sex with you
Can I take you out to dinner? = I'd eventually like to have sex with you
Would you like to dance? = I'd eventually like to have sex with you
Can I call you sometime? = I'd eventually like to have sex with you

What man wants to have sex eventually? I want to get laid NOW dammit!

[SmoothKnight]

why is the wedding dress, the stove, and the sink white?

well, the cook and the dishwasher should match right?


(think is fucked that one up, been a long time since I heard it)

[biscuit]

Why do women have boobs..

So you got somethin to look at when your talkin to em!

So you got somethin to look at when your talkin to em!

So you got som-

[Grand Mesa Funk]

family guy has loads of sex jokes, i love it.

Lois: Oh good, I don't have to cook tonight.
Peter: No no Lois, we will just through it out, I don't want you to get rusty.
----
Peter: Come on Lois, if you hurry up I will let you look at hats. You can't buy, but you can look.

[callmejulio]

Why haven't there been any women on the moon?
It doesn't need to be cleaned

Why don't women need to wear watches?
There's a clock on the stove.

What's red and orange and looks good on a woman?
fire

[Tomarse]

Why did the woman cross the road?


Thats not the point, why is she out of the kitchen?

[nodapimp881]

a plain is apout to crash in to a mountian

i women on the plain stands up and adresses the whole croud

"fuck this if im gonna die i wanna die like a woman, is there ne one here manly enought to make me feel like a woman?"

so a man in the back row stands up and saiys " i will"

ihe slowly takes off his shirt and flex's his muscles

he throws the shirt at her and says "u wanna feel like a woman here wash this!"