joke....

[ps527]

A construction worker on the 3rd floor of a building needs a handsaw so he sees another man on the 1st floor. He yells down to him, but he can't hear, so he does sign language. He points at his eye meaning "I", points at his knee meaning "need", and moves his hand back and forth in a handsaw motion.

The man on the 1st floor nods his head, pulls down his pants, and starts masturbating.

The man on the 3rd floor gets so angry he runs down to the 1st floor and says, "What the hell is wrong with you dumbass? I said I need handsaw!!"

The other guy says, "I knew that, I was just trying to tell you I'm coming."

[Iwillsk84food]

HAHAHHAAHAHAAHAHHAHHA... did u make that up?! :lol:

[Empath]

Oldie, but goodie.

[Devastation]

I especially love how he title his thread "joke."

To think that someone would post a joke in the Jokes/Humor section.

;)

[ps527]

no it isnt mine

like dev said, if i was creative enough to think of a good joke i wouldve titled my post differently :p

[ps527]

more jokes that are not mine:

A guy is standing at a urinal when he notices that he's being watched by a midget. Although the little fellow is staring at him intently, the guy doesn't get uncomfortable until the midget drags a small step ladder up next to him, climbs it, and proceeds to admire his privates at close range.

"Wow," comments the midget, "Those are the nicest balls I have ever seen!"

Surprised-and flattered-the man thanks the midget and starts to move away.

"Listen, I know this is a rather strange request," says the little fellow, "but I wonder if you would mind if I touched them."

Again the man is rather startled, but seeing no real harm in it, he obliges the request. The midget reaches out, gets a tight grip on the man's balls, and says, "Okay, hand over your wallet or I'll jump!"

-----------------------

A man in the Florida supermarket tries to buy half a head of lettuce. The
very young produce assistant tells him that they sell only whole heads of
lettuce. The man persists and asks to see the manager. The boy says
he'll ask his manager about it.

Walking into the back room, the boy said to his manager,
"Some a-hole wants to buy half a head of lettuce."

As he finished his sentence, he turned to find the man standing right
behind him, so he added, "And this gentleman has kindly offered to buy the other half."

The manager approved the deal, and the man went on his way. Later the
manager said to the boy, "I was impressed with the way you got yourself out of that situation earlier. We like people who think on their feet here. Where are you from, son?"

"Canada, sir," the boy replied.

"Well, why did you leave Canada?" the manager asked.

The boy said, "Sir, there's nothing but whores and hockey players up
there."

"Really?" said the manager. "My wife is from Canada."

"No sh*t??" replied the boy. "Who'd she play for?"

--------------------------

A man, his wife and mother-in-law went on vacation to the Holy Land.
While they were there the mother-in-law passed away.

The undertaker told them, "You can have her shipped home for $5,000, or you can bury her here in the Holy Land for $150.00."

The man thought about it and told him he would just have her shipped home.

The undertaker asked, "Why would you spend $5,000 to ship your mother-in-law home, when it would be wonderful to be buried here and spend only $150.00?"

The man replied, "A man died here 2000 years ago, was buried here, and three days later he rose from the dead.

I just can't take that chance."

-------------------------

A Mafia Godfather finds out that his bookkeeper has embezzled him for ten million bucks. Now this bookkeeper is deaf. It was considered an occupational benefit, and why he was chosen for the job in the first place, since it was assumed that a deaf bookkeeper would not be able to hear anything so he'd never have to testify about the Godfather's income in a court of law.

When the Godfather goes to shakedown the bookkeeper about his missing 10 million bucks, he brings along his attorney, who knows sign language. The Godfather asks the bookkeeper, "Where is the
10 million bucks you embezzled from me?"

The attorney, using sign language, asks the bookkeeper where the
10 million dollars is hidden. The bookkeeper signs back, "I don't know what you're talking about."

The attorney tells the Godfather, "He says he doesn't know what you're talking about."

The Godfather pulls out a 9 mm pistol, puts it to the bookkeeper's temple, cocks it and says, "Ask him again!"

The attorney signs to the underling, "He'll kill you for sure, if you don't tell him!"

The bookkeeper signs back, "OK! You win! The money is in a brown briefcase, buried behind the shed in my cousin Enzo's backyard in Queens!"

The Godfather asks the attorney, "Well, what'd he say?"

The attorney replies, "He says you don't have the b*lls to pull the trigger."

--------------------

One night a man rolls over in bed and gives his wife a big grin.
She says, ''Not tonight honey, I have a gynecologist appointment tomorrow and I want to stay clean and fresh.''
The man feeling rejected rolls over and tries to go to sleep.
In a few minutes he rolls back over and asks his wife, ''Do you have a dentist appointment tomorrow?''

-------------------------



Everybody on earth dies and goes to heaven. God comes and says, "I want the men to make two lines. One line for the men that dominated their women on earth and the other line for the men that were dominated by their women. Also, I want all the women to go with St. Peter."
With that said and done, the next time God looked, the women are gone and there are two lines. The line of the men that were dominated by their women was 100 miles long, and in the line of men that dominated their women, there was only one man.
God got mad and said, "You men should be ashamed of yourselves. I created, you in my image and you were all whipped by your mates. Look at the only, one of my sons that stood up and made me proud. Learn from him! Tell them my son, how did you manage to be the only one in this line?"
And the man replied, "I don't know, my wife told me to stand here."

[bigmoney]

I especially love how he title his thread "joke."

To think that someone would post a joke in the Jokes/Humor section.

;)
ROFLROFL!!

Hey, what do you call a doctor who failed medical school?

A dentist. :lol:

[Empath]

Dont repost stuff off the main site