"A Man Walks into a Bar...."

[Ænema]

There was this duck, who walked into a bar. And he says to the bartender "Got any grapes?" The bartender says "No, I don't have any grapes." The duck walks out, sorely disappointed.

So the next day, he walks back into the bar, asks the same question, gets the same answer.

The day after, he walks back into the bar, and again, asks the bartender, "Do you have any grapes?" The bartender, having still not figured out why this duck seems to think he may have some grapes, says to the duck, "No, and if you come back in here tomorrow and ask me if I have any grapes, I will nail your bill to the bar!"

The duck frowns, turns around, and walks out of the bar.

So the next day, the duck walks back into the bar, and asks the bartender "Got any nails?"

The bartender says "No."

So the duck says "Got any grapes?"




A man walks into a bar with a small dog under his arm and sits down at the counter, placing the dog on the stool next to him. The bartender says, "Sorry, pal. No dogs allowed."
The man says, "But this is a special dog -- he talks!"
"Yeah, right," says the bartender. "Now get out of here before I throw you out."
"No, wait," says the man. "I'll prove it." He turns to the dog and asks, "What do you normally find on top of a house?"
"Roof!" says the dog, wagging his tail.
"Listen, pal..." says the bartender.
"Wait," says the man, "I'll ask another question." He turns to the dog again and asks, "What's the opposite of soft?"
"Ruff!" exclaims the dog.
"Quit wasting my time and get out of here," says the bartender.
"One more chance," pleads the man. Turning to the dog again, he asks, "Who was the greatest baseball player that ever lived?"
"Ruth!" barked the dog.
"Okay, that's it!" says the bartender, and physically throws both man and dog out the door and onto the street.
Turning to the man, the dogs shrugs and says, "Maybe I should have said Joe Dimaggio?"

[evil joe]

lol, those are pretty funny.

[raffman]

great post! like 'em both

[xvillainx]

First one was great, thanks

[1RAQ1 @RMY]

2 men and a vampire walk into the bar. The first man asks for a pint of lager, and gets it. The second man asks for a pint of lager, and gets it. The vampire asks for a pint of boiling water, and the bartender stops to ask why. The vampire pulls out a used tampon and says "I'm making tea!"

[Skizla]

That second one is from an episode of Looney Tunes/Merrie Melodies.

[kegger]

I think this happened at that same bar

A man walk in to a bar with a briefcase in one hand and a magic lamp in the other. He sits down and opens the case and pulls out a little piano and bench, and orders a drink the bartender gives him his drink and askes whats the little piano for then a little 12 in man climbs out of the case and starts to play the piano. He says i mand a wish with this lamp and this is what i got so the bartender askes if he can try and the man says sure. The bartender rubs the lamp and a genie come smoking out the genie tells the bartender he can make one wish, so the bartender makes a wish and the genie says it will be granted, and the genie dissapears. A half hour goes be and the wish hasnt been granted yet so he asks the guy how long it will talk the guys tells him to be calm it will be granted and orders another drink. Another half hour goes b and no wish by this time the bartender is getting mad nd wants his wish so he asks the guy again, and again the guys replies relax it will come true, and orders another drink then all of a sudden the doors fly open and a million ducks fly into the bar and make a home inside the bartender says what the fuck i asked for a million bucks not a million ducks and the guy looks at the bartender and says do you really think i asked for 12 inch pianist?