Couple of jokes

[Ironhorse]

A guy walks up to his wife and he has a chicken underneath his arm. He says, "I just wanted to let you know that I've been fucking this pig." His wife looks at him and says, "Thats not a pig. Its a chicken." The guy says, "I'm not talking to you."

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Kid walks up to a brothel with a twenty dollar bill in his hand. Knocks on the door. When the madam answered he said, "I WANNA GET FUCKED". So she takes his $20 and goes inside. After a while when she doesnt come back the kid knocks on the door again. When the madam comes to the door the kid says, "I WANNA GET FUCKED!" The madam says, "Again?"

[strikeandburn]

rofl, the first one is great

Smiley approved :)

[Ironhorse]

Here's another one I though was funny. I didnt feel like typing it all out so I went and found it on the net and copied and pasted. Not like I cam up with any of this shit anyway.

Talking animals -

A ventriloquist cowboy walks into town and sees an Indian sitting on his porch. He figures he'll have a little fun...

Cowboy: "Hey, cool dog. Mind if I speak to him?"

Indian: "Dog no talk."

Cowboy: "Hey dog, how's it going?"

Dog: "Doin' alright."

Indian: (extreme look of shock)

Cowboy: "Is this Indian your owner?" (pointing at Indian)

Dog: "Yep"

Cowboy: "How does he treat you?"

Dog: "Real good. He walks me twice a day, feeds me great food, and takes me to the lake once a week to play."

Indian: (look of disbelief)

Cowboy: "Mind if I talk to your horse?"

Indian: "Horse no talk."

Cowboy: "Hey horse, how's it going?"

Horse: "Cool."

Indian: (extreme look of shock)

Cowboy: "Is this your owner?" (pointing at Indian)

Horse: "Yep"

Cowboy: "How's he treat you?"

Horse: "Pretty good, thanks for asking. He rides me regularly, brushes me down often, and keeps me in the barn to protect me from the elements."

Indian: (total look of amazement)

Cowboy: "Mind if I talk to your sheep?"

Indian: "NO! Sheep Lie."

[kegger]

Gotta few for the thread

Big Chief walks into a whore house and goes to the first lady he see and says "Big Chief wanna fuck" so the lady says "ok have you ever done this before" Big Chief says no. So the lady says "go down he street and youll see an Elm tree with a hole in just stick you dick in there and and move your hips in and out of a while and after a few days of this come back and ill help you out" Big Chief says ok. A few days later Big Chief returns to the lady and says "Big Chief wanna fuck" the lady asks "did you go to the tree and do as I asked" Yes the Chief replied so they go to the back room and the lady takes her cloths off and sits on the bed and calls Big Chief over. He looks at her for a second then goes to the closet and grabs a broom and shoves it right in the lady pussy and the lady says " what the hell are you doing" and Big Chief says " getting rid of the bees"
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Sadam has George come to Iraq so they can talk about a peace treaty between the 2 countries. As george is sitting in the offince he notices 3 buttons on the are of Sadams chair. So as they start to talk about the treaty Sadam pushes one of the buttons and a squirt gun pops out of his desk and squirts George in the face and Sadam starts laughing. Puzzled George keeps talking Then sadam pushes another button and a boot come out from the desk and kicks George in the shins, this tme George doesnt thnk it funny but Sadam is laughing but still George keeps talking. Then sadam pushes the last button and a boot come up from behind george and kicks him in the ass and Sadam is rolling so George gets up and walks out and tells Sadam they will continue the talks in Washington.
A week later Sadam comes to the White houes and is in the offive with George and see 3 buttons on Georges chair. So George again starts talking nd pushs a button and Sadam ducks but nothing happens but George is laughing clueless Sadam sits back in the chair. A moment later George hits another button and again Sadam jumps out of the way but nothing happens but George is laughing hysterically still clueless Sadam sits back down. Then George pushes the last buttn and again Sadam jusps out of the way but still nothing happens but George is laughing uncontrolably very aggrivated Sadam getts up and says "Im going bak to Iraq call me when you can grow up and have a conversation" then George says to Sadam "what Iraq i just launched 3 rockets headed to your country"

[spitz332]

those are good :icon_rofl
never heard them before

[Dirty Sanchez]

Those are pretty funny