Johan
04-14-2005, 06:35 PM
A guy drives out of the car dealer in his beautiful, new, red Ferrari. Knowing that his car is amazingly powerful, the guy decides to test it out, so he drives to the nearest highway. When he gets there, he finds the highway empty--he can only see a long, straight stretch of road, devoid of any traffic. He pushes the gas pedal as far as it will go and starts off with a lurch.
After about 10 seconds of the best speeds he's ever experienced, the guy sees a sign that reads "Speed Limit: 50". Needless to say, he is slightly annoyed, but not wanting to break the law, he slows down.
He cruises along for some time. He can't believe it when he sees another sign, reading "Speed Limit: 30". He can't imagine what sort of idiot would make the speed limit 30 on such a great, straight road, but he slows down.
When he comes to a sign that reads "Speed Limit: 10", he wants to jump out of his car and smash it, with smoke almost coming out of his ears. Who the heck was the jerk who invented speed limits? The highway is perfectly straight, damn it! But obediently, he slows down.
Eager to get somewhere that he can drive normally, he sees a new sign:
"Welcome to Speed Limit!"
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What's black, white, black, white, black, white, black, white, blue, purple?
A nun rolling down a staircase.
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An old man, unable to have an erection, goes to a doctor for help. The doctor thinks for a while, and then prescribes some sort of green powder and tells the man to apply it to his penis when he wants an erection.
A few days later, the man is back, desperate because the powder didn't work. This time, the doctor prescribes red powder that he says is more powerful, with the same instructions.
The next day, the man is back again. Without thinking, the doctor gives him some white powder and tells him to rub it on with some water to have an erection.
The man calls the doctor the next day: "Thanks so much for your help, your medication worked beautifully!"
The doctor responds, "Yeah, well, casts are casts."
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John walks into a bar on the top of a skyscraper, orders a beer, and sits down. A few moments later, another man walks in, and tells the bartender:
"Give me a flying beer!"
The bartender goes to the back of the bar and brings out a beer. The man gulps it down, jumps out the window, flies around the building, and comes back in. John's jaws almost hit the floor in his astonishment.
The man orders another flying beer and flies around the building. After doing that a few times, John can't resist:
"Bartender, can I have a flying beer?"
Sure enough, the bartender gives him one. John jumps out the window and falls 50 stories to the ground.
With a smile, the bartender tells the flying man, "You're really evil when you're drunk, Superman."
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Hope you guys liked them- I heard them a few summers ago. I'll post more if I can remember some.
After about 10 seconds of the best speeds he's ever experienced, the guy sees a sign that reads "Speed Limit: 50". Needless to say, he is slightly annoyed, but not wanting to break the law, he slows down.
He cruises along for some time. He can't believe it when he sees another sign, reading "Speed Limit: 30". He can't imagine what sort of idiot would make the speed limit 30 on such a great, straight road, but he slows down.
When he comes to a sign that reads "Speed Limit: 10", he wants to jump out of his car and smash it, with smoke almost coming out of his ears. Who the heck was the jerk who invented speed limits? The highway is perfectly straight, damn it! But obediently, he slows down.
Eager to get somewhere that he can drive normally, he sees a new sign:
"Welcome to Speed Limit!"
-----------------------------------------
What's black, white, black, white, black, white, black, white, blue, purple?
A nun rolling down a staircase.
-----------------------------
An old man, unable to have an erection, goes to a doctor for help. The doctor thinks for a while, and then prescribes some sort of green powder and tells the man to apply it to his penis when he wants an erection.
A few days later, the man is back, desperate because the powder didn't work. This time, the doctor prescribes red powder that he says is more powerful, with the same instructions.
The next day, the man is back again. Without thinking, the doctor gives him some white powder and tells him to rub it on with some water to have an erection.
The man calls the doctor the next day: "Thanks so much for your help, your medication worked beautifully!"
The doctor responds, "Yeah, well, casts are casts."
-------------------------
John walks into a bar on the top of a skyscraper, orders a beer, and sits down. A few moments later, another man walks in, and tells the bartender:
"Give me a flying beer!"
The bartender goes to the back of the bar and brings out a beer. The man gulps it down, jumps out the window, flies around the building, and comes back in. John's jaws almost hit the floor in his astonishment.
The man orders another flying beer and flies around the building. After doing that a few times, John can't resist:
"Bartender, can I have a flying beer?"
Sure enough, the bartender gives him one. John jumps out the window and falls 50 stories to the ground.
With a smile, the bartender tells the flying man, "You're really evil when you're drunk, Superman."
--------------------------------
Hope you guys liked them- I heard them a few summers ago. I'll post more if I can remember some.