kimbnr
02-04-2003, 02:12 PM
I need some advise about my relationship. I am a 50yr old widow of 5yrs and engaged to a 56yr old man since last May. We are having relationship issues that are of concern to me since we are only 4mos from the wedding date.
My man tells me that unless I promise to defer always to his judgement in all things than we cannot be married. This sounds like a dictatorship to me but he comments that this is the way the bible says it should be. A woman is supposed to follow the mans lead even if he is wrong.
I was in a wonderful 20yr relationship where we compromised on most things and when we couldnt one of us would give in to the other. I am at a loss as to how my present man's kind of thinking can work in the world of today. We do not live in biblical times and so his reasoning does not make sense to me. I am a Catholic and he is Church of the Brethern. Possibly our ideas about marriage are very off base with one another due to religions, I am not sure.
I love him very much and for the most part we get along very well. We have been living together for almost 2yrs and I feel that if he is not ready for marriage after all this time then he will never be and I am too old to spend much more time or effort in working these issues out when we cant talk about them.
He claims that as my husband he would be responsible to God for my actions when I dont do as I should. Whatever that means I am not sure. I was brought up that we are all responsible for our own actions and had never heard of this before. I understand the man needs to be the one to wear the pants in the family so to speak but as a human being I am at times going to differ with his opinion on some family issues. We have no children at home and are grandparents of approx. 40 between us. We are not a young couple marrying for the very first time. He has never had a marriage that worked out. I had one that lasted until death we did part. I know what works for me and have made it plain from the very beginning. I am looking for someone who is compatable enough to live the rest of my life with. I thought I had found that someone and now it feels as though I am good enough to live with but not worthy enough to marry. I have offerred to leave this relationship and start anew but he insists that we do not need to do that. How do I get through to him how important spiritually and emotionally it is to me to have total committment to the relationship. Has marriage become a thing of the past? He says we only need to feel it in our hearts and to attest our committment to God and dont need to be legally married to be married. ????? Did I miss something in our society this last 20+yrs being married?? Have things changed in respect to what constitutes a true comittment? Help - I need advise. I cant stay in a relationship that is not going to be morally and spiritually correct.
Thanks
Kim
My man tells me that unless I promise to defer always to his judgement in all things than we cannot be married. This sounds like a dictatorship to me but he comments that this is the way the bible says it should be. A woman is supposed to follow the mans lead even if he is wrong.
I was in a wonderful 20yr relationship where we compromised on most things and when we couldnt one of us would give in to the other. I am at a loss as to how my present man's kind of thinking can work in the world of today. We do not live in biblical times and so his reasoning does not make sense to me. I am a Catholic and he is Church of the Brethern. Possibly our ideas about marriage are very off base with one another due to religions, I am not sure.
I love him very much and for the most part we get along very well. We have been living together for almost 2yrs and I feel that if he is not ready for marriage after all this time then he will never be and I am too old to spend much more time or effort in working these issues out when we cant talk about them.
He claims that as my husband he would be responsible to God for my actions when I dont do as I should. Whatever that means I am not sure. I was brought up that we are all responsible for our own actions and had never heard of this before. I understand the man needs to be the one to wear the pants in the family so to speak but as a human being I am at times going to differ with his opinion on some family issues. We have no children at home and are grandparents of approx. 40 between us. We are not a young couple marrying for the very first time. He has never had a marriage that worked out. I had one that lasted until death we did part. I know what works for me and have made it plain from the very beginning. I am looking for someone who is compatable enough to live the rest of my life with. I thought I had found that someone and now it feels as though I am good enough to live with but not worthy enough to marry. I have offerred to leave this relationship and start anew but he insists that we do not need to do that. How do I get through to him how important spiritually and emotionally it is to me to have total committment to the relationship. Has marriage become a thing of the past? He says we only need to feel it in our hearts and to attest our committment to God and dont need to be legally married to be married. ????? Did I miss something in our society this last 20+yrs being married?? Have things changed in respect to what constitutes a true comittment? Help - I need advise. I cant stay in a relationship that is not going to be morally and spiritually correct.
Thanks
Kim