A very sick joke.

[TheMagician]

How do you get a gay man to shag a woman?

Shit in her cunt.


More coming soon :D

[TheMagician]

sorry you dont find it funny, but it almost made me have a heart attack.

Hopefully you'll enjoy this one, it is funnier.

A vicar is on a train and this pregnant woman gets on and sits down opposite him.

As they travel the vicar is reading his newspaper and the woman takes out her knitting.

As she is knitting, about every 20 minutes she reaches into her bag and pulls out a bottle of pills from which she takes one and swallows it.

This goes on for about an hour when the vicar sees the label "Thalidomide" on the bottle.

"Excuse me", says the vicar to the woman, "Do you know the effect that could have on your unborn child?"

"Yes" says the woman "I never could knit sleeves."

[Manhoe]

no offense but those arent funny

[countwake]

Yeah, those are not funny... you little queef

[ThatO'malleyGuy]

Well then. I have no problem with people laughing at there own jokes, nor laughing at something that isn't funny, but the first one was really obscure, and the second one was. . .sorta just boring.

[TheMagician]

Allriiight, lets try again..... :D

Little Johnny misses a day at school.

He comes back the next day and the teacher asks why he was off.

"Sorry Miss," he replied, "Daddy got burned"

"Oh dear" says the teacher, "I do hope it wasn't serious"

"Well Miss, they don't fuck about at the crematorium"

*************************************************

A Young lady goes to Doctor with abdominal twinges. He runs the usual gamut of tests, and sit her down.

"Well Miss Green," he says, "I hope you are looking forward to many long sleepless nights, filled with crying and changing dirty nappies."

"Why?" she replies, "Am I pregnant?"

"No - You have bowel cancer"

*************************************************

Why did Princess Diana cross the road?

She wasn't wearing her seatbelt.

[Blue Mercury]

You're failing at the the very simplest of all things, to be funny... I pity you.

[Frostdaddy]

What the fuck's a vicar?

[BaseM6615]

just let u know i thought they were funny, i noticed everyone else was so negative. You just have to have the funny sick sense of humor.

[Devastation]

What the fuck's a vicar?
A Vicar is a priest of the Church of England.

[DevinBre]

A Young lady goes to Doctor with abdominal twinges. He runs the usual gamut of tests, and sit her down.

"Well Miss Green," he says, "I hope you are looking forward to many long sleepless nights, filled with crying and changing dirty nappies."

"Why?" she replies, "Am I pregnant?"

"No - You have bowel cancer"

*************************************************

Why did Princess Diana cross the road?

She wasn't wearing her seatbelt.

I actually thought those were both funny :shuffle: . It's not like he made them all up, so you don't have to hate them because he posted them.

[chickenlips]

Two old women playing Bingo. Ethel & Nora..

Ethel turns to Nora "Did you come on the bus tonight Nora?"

"I did" replied Nora


"But i made it look like an asthma attack"!!!

[chickenlips]

Little girl at school.....

"Miss Miss I've pissed myself!"


"Well why didn't you put your hand up silly girl?" comes the teacher.





"I did miss but it ran through my fingers"

:eek:

[chickenlips]

A guy decides to have a party where his guests are asked to come as different emotions e.g. fear etc . On the night of the party, the first guest arrives and the host opens the door to see a guy covered in green paint with the letters N and V painted on his chest.

He says to this guy, "Wow, great outfit, what emotion have you come as? And the guy says," I'm green with NV".
The host replies, "Brilliant, come on in and have a drink."

A few minutes later the next guest arrives and the host opens the door to see a woman covered in a pink body stocking with a feather boa wrapped around her most intimate parts.
He says to this woman "Wow, great outfit, what emotion have you come as?"
She replies, "I'm tickled pink." The host says, "I love it, come on in and join the party."

A couple of minutes later the doorbell goes for the third time, and the host opens the door to see two Irish blokes,
Paddy and Murphy,
standing stark naked one with his knob in a bowl of custard,
and the other with his knob stuck in a pear.

The host is really shocked and says, "Well, what the heck are you doing? You could get arrested standing like that out there in the street like that. Anyhow what emotion is this supposed to be?!?!"

Paddy replies, "Well, Oim fukn discustard, and Murphy here has just
come in despair"

:icon_rofl

[chickenlips]

Am I the only one telling jokes around here???????



A man is waiting for his wife to give birth. The doctor comes in and informs the dad that his son was born without torso, arms or legs.
*
The son is just a head! But the dad loves his son and raises him as well as he can, with love and compassion. *
After 18 years, the son is now old enough for his first drink. Dad takes him to the bar, tearfully tells the son he is proud of him and orders up the biggest, strongest drink for his boy.
*
With all the bar patrons looking on curiously and the bartender shaking his head in disbelief, the boy takes his first sip of alcohol.
*
Swoooop! A torso pops out! *
The bar is dead silent; then bursts into a whoop of joy. The father, shocked, begs his son to drink again. The patrons chant "Take another drink"! *
*
The bartender still shakes his head in dismay. *
Swoooop! Two arms pops out. *
The bar goes wild. The father, crying and wailing, begs his son to drink again. The patrons chant "Take another drink"! *
*
The bartender ignores the whole affair. *
By now the boy is getting tipsy, and with his new hands he reaches down, grabs his drink and guzzles the last of it. *
Swoooop! Two legs pop out. *
The bar is in chaos. The father falls to his knees and tearfully thanks God. *
The boy stands up on his new legs and stumbles to the left....then to the right.... right through the front door, into the street, where a truck runs over him and kills him instantly. The bar falls silent.
*
The father moans in grief. *
The bartender sighs and says.......................................... *
*
"He should have quit while he was a head!"

[thestrokes]

Wow....nice quadruple post chickenlips. :insane:

[WizeNclever_09]

just let u know i thought they were funny, i noticed everyone else was so negative. You just have to have the funny sick sense of humor.


I agree although the first joke threw me off a little. The one with the gay man shitting in some womans cunt

[The Raven]

at least he is still... happy. Lets fix that. Does anyone have a shotgun?

[eadgbe]

how do you piss off a blind person?







...leave the plunger in the toilet

[The Raven]

how do you piss off a blind person?







...leave the plunger in the toilet
ummm...ok....that is sick. But in a sick way.