thehizands
06-06-2005, 09:48 AM
Eh if you get anything from this, that's cool. it was just bizarre and gave me some laughter. Figure I'd share with you fine folks.
1. I drive by a very normal looking suburb and see someone in a banana suit cutting the lawn. I start cracking up, pointing and laughing. The banana stops mowing the lawn. Turns up his palms as I drive by like saying "What? never seen a living banana before?" I slow down to tell him what a great and amusing idea the gag was, he -charges- after my car, so I high-tail it out of there.
2. I end up at this crazy redneck dump of a shithole. I get out of the car, walk around to the side and I hear this cartman-like voice going "C'mere pube! c'mon pube!" and I see this little kid -zooming- around this gigantic covered porch, running after his pet crab named pube. I didn't see a crab skeetering around, so I asked him what the hell he was looking for and he said "Oh, it's not the kind of crab you find in the ocean". I was -disgusted- and ran away quickly.
3. These rednecks were in the backyard playing around with new toys. One guy was dressed up like a reindeer and had this crotch-attachment garden-hose/power-sprayer. The group of guys were cackling as this guy was making this massive mess of the grass, turning it into a mud-pit. After he shuts the spray off, someone runs up behind and shoves the reindeer into the mud pit.
4. I go inside and see this crazed old people watching an A+E special on "Amusing Christmas Decoration and Celebration Ideas". Apparently the reindeer was one of them.
5. I go into one of the upstairs bedrooms and see this little baby (Just like Stewie from the Family Guy cartoons but he looked more like one of the mutant toy story toys) watching TV. He looked at me and said "Get in here, now." In the most sinister voice I've ever heard. I close the door, say hello to him. He immediately arouses, his voice changes to this cutesy "Oh Little Lady Bear you are so pretty! Oh I could just cuddle and snuggle you for hours and hours!" Then I hear this muffled scream. I turn around (thought he was talking to me for a second. I was like what the?) and see this glass case about the size of an Ikea coffee table. Inside were these miniature living bears! They were about 9-10 inches tall! It was crazy. I turn around again, shocked, and see the kid rubbing his hands together with glee. Turning around again, I see this tiny, rather cute little bear, stand up on her hind legs and start shaking her head "No! no! no!" as these 4 other bears come charging out, two grab her in a half-nelson and start dragging her into this cave, laughing retardedly. I realize what they're going to do and I turn away in horrified disgust. The baby sees my face and -bursts- into maniacal laughter. He then says "You may go now."
6. I go into the kitchen of this absolutely squalid hellhole and see a bunch of naked semi-mutant (more like diseased) kids running around laughing the afternoon away. Then it hits me, I really need to pee. So I open up the door to a bathroom, close it and lock it. I walk over to the toilet and see that is covered in the nastiest, filthiest and messiest dump I have ever seen. The smell is beyond reproach. I was kind of impressed that something so vile could come out of a human being. So anyway I saw there was no toilet paper and only -one- clean area about the size of a thumb available to lift up the toilet seat (In retrospect it was already so dirty, I could have peed on the wall and it would have been cleaner in there). I make my approach, slowly and steadily, and just as I'm about to touch the clean part, the door bursts open and there's my brother, laughing and giggling. My finger slips and now my thumb has shit on it. I am -infuriated-. I start yelling at him and shove him out of the room, strategically using my thumb and wiping it off on his white shirt.
7. Cut to a school classroom. I see these two really fat goth kids sitting in the back of the room. A desk is between them and is the only one available, so I went and sat. On the chalkboard, two teachers were there. One was attempting to teach, the subject, the matter, and even the language I didn't understand. The other was drawing on the chalkboard with a piece of chalk and he was working -SO quickly-. I see this very large almost airbrushed (absolutely beautiful) piece take life. It is a grateful dead symbol in the middle of a large patch of clouds, brilliantly white and just -gorgeous-. I'm not much for the group but I was -wowed- by it.
8. Cut back to me driving by the banana mowing the lawn. He sees my car, motions to me, flips me off and starts running towards me. I hear this odd yell, almost battle-cry, Something that a pissed off banana would make (Believe it or not somehow my brain invented that noise). Then the front door of his house opens and I see this mother banana holding a baby banana who is screeching. A guy in a hamburger suit who was pulling weeds comes charging as well. Two Bunches of Grapes who were in the garage, trying to get an old beater car to start come running out too. A Kosher Pickle checking the mail turns towards me and gives me this evil look I thought to myself "Oh no, this is the end, I am going to be ravaged and murdered by fast food and fruit!" But I wasn't scared because these idiots were the most amusing damn things I had ever seen. Then I hear thunder and blazes march (The stereotypical march you'd hear at the circus) and they all stop their rage, look at each other and start doing this bizarre dance as if they were pre-programmed by some evil genius to always do that whenever the song is heard.
Then I wake up from the dream, laughing
1. I drive by a very normal looking suburb and see someone in a banana suit cutting the lawn. I start cracking up, pointing and laughing. The banana stops mowing the lawn. Turns up his palms as I drive by like saying "What? never seen a living banana before?" I slow down to tell him what a great and amusing idea the gag was, he -charges- after my car, so I high-tail it out of there.
2. I end up at this crazy redneck dump of a shithole. I get out of the car, walk around to the side and I hear this cartman-like voice going "C'mere pube! c'mon pube!" and I see this little kid -zooming- around this gigantic covered porch, running after his pet crab named pube. I didn't see a crab skeetering around, so I asked him what the hell he was looking for and he said "Oh, it's not the kind of crab you find in the ocean". I was -disgusted- and ran away quickly.
3. These rednecks were in the backyard playing around with new toys. One guy was dressed up like a reindeer and had this crotch-attachment garden-hose/power-sprayer. The group of guys were cackling as this guy was making this massive mess of the grass, turning it into a mud-pit. After he shuts the spray off, someone runs up behind and shoves the reindeer into the mud pit.
4. I go inside and see this crazed old people watching an A+E special on "Amusing Christmas Decoration and Celebration Ideas". Apparently the reindeer was one of them.
5. I go into one of the upstairs bedrooms and see this little baby (Just like Stewie from the Family Guy cartoons but he looked more like one of the mutant toy story toys) watching TV. He looked at me and said "Get in here, now." In the most sinister voice I've ever heard. I close the door, say hello to him. He immediately arouses, his voice changes to this cutesy "Oh Little Lady Bear you are so pretty! Oh I could just cuddle and snuggle you for hours and hours!" Then I hear this muffled scream. I turn around (thought he was talking to me for a second. I was like what the?) and see this glass case about the size of an Ikea coffee table. Inside were these miniature living bears! They were about 9-10 inches tall! It was crazy. I turn around again, shocked, and see the kid rubbing his hands together with glee. Turning around again, I see this tiny, rather cute little bear, stand up on her hind legs and start shaking her head "No! no! no!" as these 4 other bears come charging out, two grab her in a half-nelson and start dragging her into this cave, laughing retardedly. I realize what they're going to do and I turn away in horrified disgust. The baby sees my face and -bursts- into maniacal laughter. He then says "You may go now."
6. I go into the kitchen of this absolutely squalid hellhole and see a bunch of naked semi-mutant (more like diseased) kids running around laughing the afternoon away. Then it hits me, I really need to pee. So I open up the door to a bathroom, close it and lock it. I walk over to the toilet and see that is covered in the nastiest, filthiest and messiest dump I have ever seen. The smell is beyond reproach. I was kind of impressed that something so vile could come out of a human being. So anyway I saw there was no toilet paper and only -one- clean area about the size of a thumb available to lift up the toilet seat (In retrospect it was already so dirty, I could have peed on the wall and it would have been cleaner in there). I make my approach, slowly and steadily, and just as I'm about to touch the clean part, the door bursts open and there's my brother, laughing and giggling. My finger slips and now my thumb has shit on it. I am -infuriated-. I start yelling at him and shove him out of the room, strategically using my thumb and wiping it off on his white shirt.
7. Cut to a school classroom. I see these two really fat goth kids sitting in the back of the room. A desk is between them and is the only one available, so I went and sat. On the chalkboard, two teachers were there. One was attempting to teach, the subject, the matter, and even the language I didn't understand. The other was drawing on the chalkboard with a piece of chalk and he was working -SO quickly-. I see this very large almost airbrushed (absolutely beautiful) piece take life. It is a grateful dead symbol in the middle of a large patch of clouds, brilliantly white and just -gorgeous-. I'm not much for the group but I was -wowed- by it.
8. Cut back to me driving by the banana mowing the lawn. He sees my car, motions to me, flips me off and starts running towards me. I hear this odd yell, almost battle-cry, Something that a pissed off banana would make (Believe it or not somehow my brain invented that noise). Then the front door of his house opens and I see this mother banana holding a baby banana who is screeching. A guy in a hamburger suit who was pulling weeds comes charging as well. Two Bunches of Grapes who were in the garage, trying to get an old beater car to start come running out too. A Kosher Pickle checking the mail turns towards me and gives me this evil look I thought to myself "Oh no, this is the end, I am going to be ravaged and murdered by fast food and fruit!" But I wasn't scared because these idiots were the most amusing damn things I had ever seen. Then I hear thunder and blazes march (The stereotypical march you'd hear at the circus) and they all stop their rage, look at each other and start doing this bizarre dance as if they were pre-programmed by some evil genius to always do that whenever the song is heard.
Then I wake up from the dream, laughing