Help - I Burned My Girlfriendss Cooter

duel · 07-20-2007, 03:29 PM

ok this is what happening,

my parents are out with family friends, and theyll be back any minute so i need your help

Heres some background:

see, i volunteer on my sisters softball team (im 22, the girls are 15)

and whatever yea i met this girl, her name is Alison, and were going out for a while. We have alot in common, sometimes i help her with homework. I hepled her on her english essay and she still got a D. This is because the teacher is a prick ... anywayz

So she came over like an hour ago, and i really want to lose my virginity, so i ask her to have sex

"no, no i cant, its not right" she said, but i told her "dont worry i know what im doing, ill be done in like 10 seconds, pluss ill give you 2 n64 games if you say yes"

So I gave her Diddy Kong Racing, and Ken Griffey Jr Baseball, and then she goes to my room. Shes a bit confused and scarred.

Then i think to myself - yo I need lube right? Cuz i heard you guys on the vesti saying you need to lube up her clit otherwise it wont fit in properly.

Ok so i have no lube, but i really want to lose my viginity - so i grab some butter from the fridge, but its cold, it wont melt - so I microwaved it for 8 minutes, and then i put it in a glass and poured it on her cooter, now shes saying i burned it.

I dont know what to do, my parents are going to be back any minute and shes crying in the bathroom plz help you guyz are relly smrat and please help me.

Any idea how to shut her up? Should i give her another n64 game?

PantySnatcher · 07-20-2007, 03:31 PM

Whoa, de ja vu. Anyone else find this familiar?

chalupa · 07-20-2007, 03:33 PM

Just throw her back on the skillet. She's already greased up, and you can have fried beaver for dinner tonight.

The Ox · 07-20-2007, 03:33 PM

Didn't adequately explain what a cooter was.

Otherwise, this thread delivers.

SR-71 Blackbird · 07-20-2007, 03:33 PM

I heard spit works well as lube, good thread though.

Pajman · 07-20-2007, 03:34 PM

A story couldn't get any faker than this.

Acidic Piss · 07-20-2007, 03:34 PM

Edit: Then i looked at your post count.
Go sit on a jar of marmite.

ColdWaXX · 07-20-2007, 03:34 PM

Re.....post?

Mr. Heskey · 07-20-2007, 03:35 PM

This thread delivers, but its something you'd expect from a noob.

s.o.s · 07-20-2007, 03:35 PM

ok heres what u do

tell her ull pay for the cooler
bring her to a cheap restraunt not mcdonalds and talk to her
like have a nice chat
if u go to mcdonalds ur being a cheap mc asshole lol get it mcasshole

Lologirl · 07-20-2007, 03:38 PM

im surprised shes crying...whenever i get burning hot butter on my cooter its always the biggest turn on. Maybe you should try it again.

GrAf-X · 07-20-2007, 03:42 PM

but guys this is fakes!!

silona · 07-20-2007, 03:42 PM

Well, yanno, bribing her with games is a really great way to get started, and then burning her with boiling butter...gosh, I don't even know why you two aren't in bed yet.

Spanks · 07-20-2007, 03:50 PM

Stupid fuck. Did you not think to give her some corn with that butter? NOOB!

Lologirl · 07-20-2007, 03:51 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by silona

Well, yanno, bribing her with games is a really great way to get started, and then burning her with boiling butter...gosh, I don't even know why you two aren't in bed yet.

hahahaha

07-20-2007, 03:33 PM	#4
The Ox Premium User Join Date: May 2007 Location: Filmed in Front of a Live Studio Audience Posts: 950	Didn't adequately explain what a cooter was. Otherwise, this thread delivers. __________________ Rescued from a hospital dustbin by Trojan.Exe Today's Brush joke of the day: Who is a brush's favourite composer? Handle! (Handel) Brush related anecdote of the day My husband used to be a door to door brush salesman, and now he takes care of birds of prey. He often jokes that he used to hawk brushes for a living, and now he brushes hawks! Consequently we have filed bankruptcy so every time he makes that joke I burst into tears.

07-20-2007, 03:34 PM	#6
Pajman 1,234,567 Join Date: May 2005 Posts: 3,117	A story couldn't get any faker than this. __________________ my sig

07-20-2007, 03:34 PM	#7
Acidic Piss Registered Gypsy Join Date: Jun 2007 Location: England Posts: 2,618	Edit: Then i looked at your post count. Go sit on a jar of marmite. Last edited by Acidic Piss; 07-20-2007 at 03:44 PM..

07-20-2007, 03:34 PM	#8
ColdWaXX Littering and... Join Date: Jan 2006 Location: Denver, CO Posts: 1,866	Re.....post? __________________ I SNAKED YOU is my master, mess with me you mess with Naruto. PSN Tag: coldwaxx

07-20-2007, 03:35 PM	#9
Mr. Heskey Resident Fucktard Join Date: Jun 2005 Location: College Station, TX Posts: 5,406	This thread delivers, but its something you'd expect from a noob. __________________

07-20-2007, 03:33 PM	#5
SR-71 Blackbird Polish and Proud Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: Chicago Posts: 706	I heard spit works well as lube, good thread though.

07-20-2007, 03:35 PM	#10
s.o.s Banned Join Date: Jul 2007 Location: oklahoma Posts: 10	ok heres what u do tell her ull pay for the cooler bring her to a cheap restraunt not mcdonalds and talk to her like have a nice chat if u go to mcdonalds ur being a cheap mc asshole lol get it mcasshole

07-20-2007, 03:38 PM	#11
Lologirl aint nothin but a G thang Join Date: May 2005 Location: where the grass is green and the girls are pretty Posts: 3,175	im surprised shes crying...whenever i get burning hot butter on my cooter its always the biggest turn on. Maybe you should try it again.

07-20-2007, 03:42 PM	#12
GrAf-X LOLWUT Join Date: Nov 2005 Location: New York City Posts: 812	but guys this is fakes!! __________________ Don't you think I know what Im doing Don't tell me that its doing me wrong You're the one who's really a loser This is where I feel I belong.

07-20-2007, 03:42 PM	#13
silona Registered User Join Date: Mar 2007 Posts: 120	Well, yanno, bribing her with games is a really great way to get started, and then burning her with boiling butter...gosh, I don't even know why you two aren't in bed yet.