family guy quotes!

08-20-2004, 12:26 AM

post all your favorite family guy quotes here!

Judge: Im sentencing you to 24 months in prison.
Lois: Oh no!
Brian: Oh no!
Chris: Oh no!
Meg: Oh no!
Kool-Aid Man: Oh yeah!

08-20-2004, 12:39 AM

Stewie [dont remember when exactly]:
"Who the hell do you think you are?!?!"

Chris: Hey Meg im thinking of a word and this time it is DEFINETLY NOT kittie.
Meg: Is it kittie?
Chris [panicking]: AHHH!!! GET OUT OF MY HEAD!!!!!!

Chris [scared]: But who is going to protect me from the evil monkey in my closet?!?!?!
[evil monkey points and Chris and hisses]

Peter: Check out my new car! It got voice Navitgation system in three different languages: english, spanish and russian.
English: "Left turn ahead"
Spanish:....
Russian [with strong russian accent]: In Soviet Russia, car drives you!

08-20-2004, 12:45 AM

I cant remember the exact words but the one about peter and the whale. Sumthing like:

Chris: What are the whales blowholes for daddy?
Peter: I can tell you what they're not for, and thats why we can never go back to seaworld.

08-20-2004, 12:57 AM

i got another one for you guys

Peter [as a boy]: How come the dinasaurs died out?
Museum Host: Because you touch yourself at night!

At Stewie's B-day party:

Stewie: "What do you want!!"
Man in White: I want to get the hell out of here!
Stewie: Oh sorry we are all out of that...all we have is UNTIMELY DEATH!!!
Man in White: What the hell is this?!?!
Stewie [with his raygun]: Its A BOY! [electrifying him to death]

08-20-2004, 01:00 AM

another one

At Stewies B-Day party

Chris [to stewie]: Hey man you want some ice cream? [in a jolly attitude]
Stewie: Yes BUT NO SPRINKLES! for every sprinkle i find I SHALL KILL YOU!!

08-20-2004, 01:07 AM

a couple of others

At Stewies B-Day party

Chris [to stewie]: Hey man you want some ice cream? [in a jolly attitude]
Stewie: Yes BUT NO SPRINKLES! for every sprinkle i find I SHALL KILL YOU!!

Stewie at lunch [or something]

Lois: Come on Stewie eat your broccoli. "Here comes the airplane!"
Stewie: Damn YOU! damn the WRGHT BROTHERS! and damn THE BROCCOLI!

Peter sneaking into womens shower with a plank with a hole.

Peter: OH NICE! [peter slowly moves with a plank over his face whereareas the rest of his body is exposed.]
Peter: Oh yeah...take it off take it off... uh OH UH! THEY SPOTTED ME!

When Peter loses his job:

Stewie shooting arrows at Lois
Lois: Why dont you play in the other room honey?
Stewie: Why dont YOU BURN IN HELL?!?!

08-20-2004, 01:15 AM

"Ahh..It's a wonderful day,, isnt it mr sun" Peter

"Everyday's a wonderful morning with two scoops of rainsins" Sun

Peter falls out of window while sneaking out and spiderman saves him

"Spiderman you saved me!" Peter

"Everybody gets one!" Spiderman

killerclown · 08-20-2004, 01:17 AM

Dude, you can edit it into one just to let you know, because you not allowed to double post. I still enjoy your family guy quotes though.

08-20-2004, 03:11 AM

(to olivia from music school)
Stewie: Well id love to chat but your a total bitch
*makes funny face at her*

netsurfer · 08-20-2004, 03:50 AM

Peter: Excuse me, is your refrigerator running?
Because if it is, it probably runs like you - very homosexually.

Peter: I'll handle it, Lois. I read a book about this sort of thing once.
Brian: Are you sure it was a book? Are you sure it wasn't nothing?
Peter: Oh yeah.

Peter: Oh my god, Brian, there's a message in my Alphabits. It says, 'Oooooo.'
Brian: Peter, those are Cheerios.

Brian: Hola, me Ilamo es brian ... Nosotros caramos ir condustedes.. uhhhh ...
Bellboy(spanish): Hey, that was pretty good, except when you said "me llamo es Brian," you don't need the "es," just me llamo Brian.
Brian: Oh, oh you speak english
Bellboy (sigh): No, just that first speech and this one explaining it.
Brian: You .... you're kidding me, right?
Bellboy(spanish): Que?

Peter: Just don't forget our deal, Lois. I sit through this and later tonight I get anal. You hear me? No matter how neat I want the house you have to clean it.

Olivia: You are the weakest link, goodbye. (laughter)
Stewie: Ha ha ha! Oh gosh that's funny! That's really funny! Do you write your own material? Do you? Because that is so fresh. You are the weakest link goodbye. You know, I've, I've never heard anyone make that joke before. Hmm. You're the first. I've never heard anyone reference, reference that outside the program before. Because that's what she says on the show right? Isn't it? You are the weakest link goodbye. And, and yet you've taken that and used it out of context to insult me in this everyday situation. God what a clever, smart girl you must be, to come up with a joke like that all by yourself. That's so fresh too. Any, any Titanic jokes you want to throw at me too as long as we're hitting these phenomena at the height of their popularity. God you're so funny!

Auctioner: Our first item is a pair of panties confiscated from a prostitute.
Quagmire: Fifty bucks.
Auctioner: She had nine STDs.
Quagmire: Forty-five bucks.
Auctioner: And when we caught her she wet herself.
Quagmire: Fifty bucks.

Quagmire: Hey there Gorgeous, how old are you?
Connie: 16.
Quagmire: 18?
Connie: Mom!
Quagmire: I Like where this is goin'!

Stewie's Letter: Dear stupid dog, I've gone to live with the children on jolly farm. Good bye forever. Stewie.
P.S. I never got a chance to return that sweater Lois gave me for Christmas. Umm, I left the receipt on top of my bureau. I'm probably over the thirty day return limit but umm… I'm sure if you make a fuss they'll at least give you a store credit or something. Umm.. It's actually not a horrible sweater. It's... It's just I can't imagine when I would ever wear it you know? Oh I also left a button on the bureau. I'm not sure what it goes to, but I can never bring myself to throw a button away. I know that as soon as I do I'll find the garment it goes to and then it'll… Wait a minute, could it be from the sweater? Did that sweater have buttons? Hmm… Well I should wrap this up before I start to ramble. Again, goodbye forever.
P.P.S. You know, it might be a little chilly in London, I'm actually going to take the sweater.

Glen Quagmire: Hello, 911? It's Quagmire. Yeah, it's caught in the window this time.

Peter: I got an idea, an idea so smart my head would explode if I even began to know what I was talking about

Stewie: I was under the impression the name of the show was "Kids Say the Darndest Things," not "Old Black Comedians Never Shut the Hell Up."

Peter: Lois, you've got a sick mind!
Lois: Peter, I'm talking about making love.
Peter: Oh, I thought you wanted us to murder the children and harvest their organs for beer money.

Security Guard: Alright son, we're gonna need those two hams back.
Chris: Huh? I don't have any hams.
Guard: Lift up your shirt, son.
Chris: I need an adult! I need an adult!
Guard: You're not a shoplifter, you're just a fat kid. Sorry about that fatty fat fatty. Hey Tom he's just a fat kid! Aren't you, fatty? You're just a big ol' fat kid. Here's some chocolate fatso.
Chris: Thanks.

Chris: Dad, what would you say if I told I didn't want to be in the Scouts?
Peter: I'd say, 'Come again?' and I'd laugh as I said, 'Come.'

Brian: Peter, did you read the fine print on this loan contract?
Peter: Um, if by "read" you mean imagined a naked lady, then, yes.

08-20-2004, 05:30 PM

Peter: I'm gonna go microwave a bagel and have sex with it.
Quagmire: Butter's in the fridge!

Peter: Hey, anybody got a quarter?
Bill Gates: What's a quarter?

Lois: Peter, what did you promise me?
Peter: That I wouldn't drink at the stag party.
Lois: And what did you do?
Peter: Drank at the stag pa-- ... Whoa. I almost walked into that one.

The Stranger · 08-20-2004, 05:34 PM

(after catching Brian masturbating)

Peter: Was he just-
Lois: Yes.
Peter: Should we rub his nose it in?

08-20-2004, 05:37 PM

peter:so your saying i should sleep wit fat woman 2 get money
quagmire:yeah fatwomen need loving 2...but they gotta pay

08-20-2004, 07:45 PM

Few of my faves
(Meg walks in the door)
Meg: *Crying*
Lois: Whats the matter sweetheart?
Meg: Its my big stupid purse
Peter: (taking the purse from megs hands) Ok you bastard,what did you do to my daughter

Peter: I call this country petoria!
Peter: I was gonna call it Peterland but that gay bar down at the airport took it.

(Peter walks in the door)
Lois: Did you take care of that "thing?"
Peter: The growth? Oh yea I got it looked at
(Scene where peter is with doctor naked)
Peter: Whats that growth there
Doctor: Thats your penis.
Peter: Oh, Then what about the--
Doctor: Testicles
Peter: Oh.

Old Lady: (spits) what is this snot soup?!
Brian: Tomato Bisque
Old Lady: (spits) what is this spit soup?!
Brian: Tomato Bisque
Old Lady: (spits) what is this diarrhea soup?!
Brian: Tomato Bisque
Old Lady: (spits) what is this mucus soup?!
Brian: Thats it you old hag! Just eat it cause Im not making anything else
Old Lady: Fine, I`ll call the judge and you`ll go to jail and youll be getting a human booster shot from a man named Molly!

Quagmire: Hey Im a Pole in the strip club! alright!
(Fire Bell Rings)
Quagmire: Show time
(Firemen go down the pole)
Quagmire: Oh ooh ah Ee Ow ooh aw

Peter: Im flying Im flying
Peter (on a plane): I`ll have a diet sprite

Thats all for now

Nerdcraft · 08-20-2004, 07:54 PM

http://www.familyguyquotes.com/

08-20-2004, 12:26 AM	#1
vimm Guest Posts: n/a	family guy quotes! post all your favorite family guy quotes here! Judge: Im sentencing you to 24 months in prison. Lois: Oh no! Brian: Oh no! Chris: Oh no! Meg: Oh no! Kool-Aid Man: Oh yeah!

08-20-2004, 03:50 AM	#10
netsurfer Premium User Join Date: Apr 2004 Posts: 1,620	lol Peter: Excuse me, is your refrigerator running? Because if it is, it probably runs like you - very homosexually. Peter: I'll handle it, Lois. I read a book about this sort of thing once. Brian: Are you sure it was a book? Are you sure it wasn't nothing? Peter: Oh yeah. Peter: Oh my god, Brian, there's a message in my Alphabits. It says, 'Oooooo.' Brian: Peter, those are Cheerios. Brian: Hola, me Ilamo es brian ... Nosotros caramos ir condustedes.. uhhhh ... Bellboy(spanish): Hey, that was pretty good, except when you said "me llamo es Brian," you don't need the "es," just me llamo Brian. Brian: Oh, oh you speak english Bellboy (sigh): No, just that first speech and this one explaining it. Brian: You .... you're kidding me, right? Bellboy(spanish): Que? Peter: Just don't forget our deal, Lois. I sit through this and later tonight I get anal. You hear me? No matter how neat I want the house you have to clean it. Olivia: You are the weakest link, goodbye. (laughter) Stewie: Ha ha ha! Oh gosh that's funny! That's really funny! Do you write your own material? Do you? Because that is so fresh. You are the weakest link goodbye. You know, I've, I've never heard anyone make that joke before. Hmm. You're the first. I've never heard anyone reference, reference that outside the program before. Because that's what she says on the show right? Isn't it? You are the weakest link goodbye. And, and yet you've taken that and used it out of context to insult me in this everyday situation. God what a clever, smart girl you must be, to come up with a joke like that all by yourself. That's so fresh too. Any, any Titanic jokes you want to throw at me too as long as we're hitting these phenomena at the height of their popularity. God you're so funny! Auctioner: Our first item is a pair of panties confiscated from a prostitute. Quagmire: Fifty bucks. Auctioner: She had nine STDs. Quagmire: Forty-five bucks. Auctioner: And when we caught her she wet herself. Quagmire: Fifty bucks. Quagmire: Hey there Gorgeous, how old are you? Connie: 16. Quagmire: 18? Connie: Mom! Quagmire: I Like where this is goin'! Stewie's Letter: Dear stupid dog, I've gone to live with the children on jolly farm. Good bye forever. Stewie. P.S. I never got a chance to return that sweater Lois gave me for Christmas. Umm, I left the receipt on top of my bureau. I'm probably over the thirty day return limit but umm… I'm sure if you make a fuss they'll at least give you a store credit or something. Umm.. It's actually not a horrible sweater. It's... It's just I can't imagine when I would ever wear it you know? Oh I also left a button on the bureau. I'm not sure what it goes to, but I can never bring myself to throw a button away. I know that as soon as I do I'll find the garment it goes to and then it'll… Wait a minute, could it be from the sweater? Did that sweater have buttons? Hmm… Well I should wrap this up before I start to ramble. Again, goodbye forever. P.P.S. You know, it might be a little chilly in London, I'm actually going to take the sweater. Glen Quagmire: Hello, 911? It's Quagmire. Yeah, it's caught in the window this time. Peter: I got an idea, an idea so smart my head would explode if I even began to know what I was talking about Stewie: I was under the impression the name of the show was "Kids Say the Darndest Things," not "Old Black Comedians Never Shut the Hell Up." Peter: Lois, you've got a sick mind! Lois: Peter, I'm talking about making love. Peter: Oh, I thought you wanted us to murder the children and harvest their organs for beer money. Security Guard: Alright son, we're gonna need those two hams back. Chris: Huh? I don't have any hams. Guard: Lift up your shirt, son. Chris: I need an adult! I need an adult! Guard: You're not a shoplifter, you're just a fat kid. Sorry about that fatty fat fatty. Hey Tom he's just a fat kid! Aren't you, fatty? You're just a big ol' fat kid. Here's some chocolate fatso. Chris: Thanks. Chris: Dad, what would you say if I told I didn't want to be in the Scouts? Peter: I'd say, 'Come again?' and I'd laugh as I said, 'Come.' Brian: Peter, did you read the fine print on this loan contract? Peter: Um, if by "read" you mean imagined a naked lady, then, yes.

08-20-2004, 05:30 PM	#11
Krack Guest Posts: n/a	Peter: I'm gonna go microwave a bagel and have sex with it. Quagmire: Butter's in the fridge! Peter: Hey, anybody got a quarter? Bill Gates: What's a quarter? Lois: Peter, what did you promise me? Peter: That I wouldn't drink at the stag party. Lois: And what did you do? Peter: Drank at the stag pa-- ... Whoa. I almost walked into that one. Last edited by Krack; 08-20-2004 at 06:46 PM..

08-20-2004, 05:34 PM	#12
The Stranger Class of '04 Join Date: Jul 2004 Location: Cleveland Posts: 977	(after catching Brian masturbating) Peter: Was he just- Lois: Yes. Peter: Should we rub his nose it in? __________________ Part of "The Invisible Krew" THE STRANGER

08-20-2004, 07:54 PM	#15
Nerdcraft Sports Join Date: Jun 2004 Location: Cleveland Posts: 999	http://www.familyguyquotes.com/ __________________ Indians Browns Cavs Buckeyes

08-20-2004, 12:39 AM	#2
SliPKnoT Guest Posts: n/a	Stewie [dont remember when exactly]: "Who the hell do you think you are?!?!" Chris: Hey Meg im thinking of a word and this time it is DEFINETLY NOT kittie. Meg: Is it kittie? Chris [panicking]: AHHH!!! GET OUT OF MY HEAD!!!!!! Chris [scared]: But who is going to protect me from the evil monkey in my closet?!?!?! [evil monkey points and Chris and hisses] Peter: Check out my new car! It got voice Navitgation system in three different languages: english, spanish and russian. English: "Left turn ahead" Spanish:.... Russian [with strong russian accent]: In Soviet Russia, car drives you!

08-20-2004, 12:45 AM	#3
D_Lina Guest Posts: n/a	I cant remember the exact words but the one about peter and the whale. Sumthing like: Chris: What are the whales blowholes for daddy? Peter: I can tell you what they're not for, and thats why we can never go back to seaworld.

08-20-2004, 12:57 AM	#4
SliPKnoT Guest Posts: n/a	i got another one for you guys Peter [as a boy]: How come the dinasaurs died out? Museum Host: Because you touch yourself at night! At Stewie's B-day party: Stewie: "What do you want!!" Man in White: I want to get the hell out of here! Stewie: Oh sorry we are all out of that...all we have is UNTIMELY DEATH!!! Man in White: What the hell is this?!?! Stewie [with his raygun]: Its A BOY! [electrifying him to death]

08-20-2004, 01:00 AM	#5
SliPKnoT Guest Posts: n/a	another one At Stewies B-Day party Chris [to stewie]: Hey man you want some ice cream? [in a jolly attitude] Stewie: Yes BUT NO SPRINKLES! for every sprinkle i find I SHALL KILL YOU!!

08-20-2004, 01:07 AM	#6
SliPKnoT Guest Posts: n/a	a couple of others At Stewies B-Day party Chris [to stewie]: Hey man you want some ice cream? [in a jolly attitude] Stewie: Yes BUT NO SPRINKLES! for every sprinkle i find I SHALL KILL YOU!! Stewie at lunch [or something] Lois: Come on Stewie eat your broccoli. "Here comes the airplane!" Stewie: Damn YOU! damn the WRGHT BROTHERS! and damn THE BROCCOLI! Peter sneaking into womens shower with a plank with a hole. Peter: OH NICE! [peter slowly moves with a plank over his face whereareas the rest of his body is exposed.] Peter: Oh yeah...take it off take it off... uh OH UH! THEY SPOTTED ME! When Peter loses his job: Stewie shooting arrows at Lois Lois: Why dont you play in the other room honey? Stewie: Why dont YOU BURN IN HELL?!?!

08-20-2004, 01:15 AM	#7
Ajax Guest Posts: n/a	"Ahh..It's a wonderful day,, isnt it mr sun" Peter "Everyday's a wonderful morning with two scoops of rainsins" Sun Peter falls out of window while sneaking out and spiderman saves him "Spiderman you saved me!" Peter "Everybody gets one!" Spiderman

08-20-2004, 01:17 AM	#8
killerclown Premium User Join Date: Jul 2004 Location: Bay Area, California Posts: 1,720	Dude, you can edit it into one just to let you know, because you not allowed to double post. I still enjoy your family guy quotes though.

08-20-2004, 03:11 AM	#9
Roland Guest Posts: n/a	(to olivia from music school) Stewie: Well id love to chat but your a total bitch makes funny face at her

08-20-2004, 05:37 PM	#13
turdlicous Guest Posts: n/a	peter:so your saying i should sleep wit fat woman 2 get money quagmire:yeah fatwomen need loving 2...but they gotta pay

08-20-2004, 07:45 PM	#14
Nexon Guest Posts: n/a	Few of my faves (Meg walks in the door) Meg: Crying Lois: Whats the matter sweetheart? Meg: Its my big stupid purse Peter: (taking the purse from megs hands) Ok you bastard,what did you do to my daughter Peter: I call this country petoria! Peter: I was gonna call it Peterland but that gay bar down at the airport took it. (Peter walks in the door) Lois: Did you take care of that "thing?" Peter: The growth? Oh yea I got it looked at (Scene where peter is with doctor naked) Peter: Whats that growth there Doctor: Thats your penis. Peter: Oh, Then what about the-- Doctor: Testicles Peter: Oh. Old Lady: (spits) what is this snot soup?! Brian: Tomato Bisque Old Lady: (spits) what is this spit soup?! Brian: Tomato Bisque Old Lady: (spits) what is this diarrhea soup?! Brian: Tomato Bisque Old Lady: (spits) what is this mucus soup?! Brian: Thats it you old hag! Just eat it cause Im not making anything else Old Lady: Fine, I`ll call the judge and you`ll go to jail and youll be getting a human booster shot from a man named Molly! Quagmire: Hey Im a Pole in the strip club! alright! (Fire Bell Rings) Quagmire: Show time (Firemen go down the pole) Quagmire: Oh ooh ah Ee Ow ooh aw Peter: Im flying Im flying Peter (on a plane): I`ll have a diet sprite Thats all for now