• Capitalism is alive and well

  • This is no safe-space, snowflake.
This is no safe-space, snowflake.
 #49223  by mrsquirtlejeans
 Fri May 12, 2017 2:56 am
I'll spare you the details, just suffice it to say the clog was this close to being a felony. So I headed off to the mall to browse for a plunger. You know they say that this country is going downhill, that the free enterprise spirit somehow went out of us. Well, I say tell that to the kid who sold me this plunger!

He was a great salesman, and therefore a great man. He didn't do anything fancy. He just started off slow. He came up to me and said, "Excuse me, sir. Are you buying this for a clogged drain or do you have something more interesting in mind?" I know it was a bad joke but it was plunger joke and that's what I was in the market for. I laughed, he made a sale. But he wasn't done. Then he said, "Sir, may I ask how many washrooms you have?" I said, "I got two".

He said, "Sir, you need a minimum of seven plungers."I just stared at him. Far off, I think I heard a dog bark, it was that vivid for me. I said, "Okay, let's hear your pitch."

He painted a picture for me of my grateful and glowing wife standing giddy and perhaps even mildly aroused by the sight of her big bad hunter husband coming home with seven new plungers. Even told me how plungers could help the relationship with my son. How a new understanding could be lubricated, that's the word he used, lubricated by the gift of a plunger for that crummy basement apartment of his.

I mean, I knew it was crap but that's not the point. I mean, here I was watching a guy hard selling another guy on something he could never possibly use. It was glorious,that's free enterprise. I just looked at him and said, "Sell me, you beautiful bastard, sell me"! I let him get me up to six, then I said, "That's it, come on, give me a break, I'm only one guy." You want to know how he sold me the seventh? By giving me number eighth for free. Ahh,he was good. Eight plungers?! What the hell was I thinking? Still.....
 #61456  by Slutina
 Thu Jul 27, 2017 4:54 pm
Do you feel unwell after drinking milk, or eating ice cream? If your body reacts negatively after you consume dairy products, you might be suffering from lactose intolerance.

According to Dr. Desmond Leddin, a board member of the Canadian Digestive Health Foundation (CDHF), individuals with this condition lack the enzyme lactase, which breaks down and helps absorb lactose, the sugar found in milk products.

If lactose isn’t digested properly, it can cause a variety of uncomfortable symptoms in the colon, and throughout your body. It’s been estimated that more than 7 million Canadians are affected by lactose intolerance. Could you be one of them? Here are eight signs that you might be lactose intolerant.
1. You exhibit classic symptoms

The CDHF lists the following symptoms as possible warning signs of lactose intolerance:
• Diarrhea lasting more than five days
• Unintended weight loss
• Persistent vomiting
• Black tarry stools
• Bloody diarrhea, or bright red blood in your stool
• Unexplained fatigue
• Pain in the stomach area that improves or worsens when you eat
• Persistent fever
• Pain when having a bowel movement

Leddin says that if you have several of these symptoms, your physician may refer you to a gastroenterologist, a specialist who deals in the diagnosis and treatment of disease affecting the digestive system.
 #61500  by mrhotdogjeans
 Thu Jul 27, 2017 8:21 pm
I was going to say something about brian and him being fat but I gotta poop really bad right now. I'm literally holding my ass cheeks together and typing with one hand. omg this hurts :cry:
 #61507  by Slutina
 Thu Jul 27, 2017 8:39 pm
Genital warts are caused by HPV

Genital warts show up on the skin around your genitals and anus. They’re caused by certain types of human papillomavirus (HPV). You might’ve heard that some types of HPV can cause cancer, but they’re NOT the same kinds that give you genital warts.

HPV can be a tricky STD to understand. It’s the most common STD, but most of the time it goes away on its own. Sometimes certain types of “high-risk” HPV can develop into cancer if left untreated. Other “low-risk” types of HPV can cause warts on your vulva, vagina, cervix, rectum, anus, penis or scrotum. Genital warts are common — about 360,000 people get them each year.

How do you get genital warts?

You get genital warts from having skin-to-skin contact with someone who’s infected, often during vaginal, anal, and oral sex. Genital warts can be spread even if no one cums, and a penis doesn’t have to go inside a vagina or anus to get them. You can spread them even when you don’t have any visible warts or other symptoms, though that’s less common. You can also pass genital warts to a baby during vaginal childbirth, but that’s pretty rare.

Genital warts are different from warts you might get elsewhere on your body. So you can’t get genital warts by touching yourself (or a partner) with a wart that’s on your hand or foot.

You’re more likely to pass genital warts when you’re having symptoms. So if you notice a wart, it’s best to get tested and treated to help lower the risk of passing genital warts on to a partner.
 #61508  by Tim_Kerr
 Thu Jul 27, 2017 8:41 pm
Tom_Selleck wrote:
Thu Jul 27, 2017 8:27 pm

I think slutina just got her stage name
Enters stage left