• [NEW] Job Opportunities at eBaum's World.com!

  • If it doesn't fit in another forum, chances are it belongs here.
If it doesn't fit in another forum, chances are it belongs here.
 #2042  by andrewryan69
 Mon Mar 13, 2017 9:38 am
Howdy folks! It's Andrew Ryan, the head of the HR department at eBaum's World dot com. We are currently looking for some new people to hire for our fabulous company here in the heart of San Francisco.

We currently staff close to 300 people. Enjoy not free beer, our fifteen year old ping pong table, and a couch we found on the street. We currently pay close to $10,000 a month on rent (it's San Franciscoooo!!!) and Derek at the marketing department accidentally bought close to 50,000 shipments of eBaum's World swag packs from the Triads, ooopps!!! We have no money at the moment but that's okay! We pay in SWAG PACKS AND EBONES. WE PROUDLY HIRE REFUGEES BECAUSE WE OPPOSE TRUMP.

Please check out some of our open jobs:

*NEW* CONTENT "FINDER"
Description: We need somebody to browse YouTube and other video websites so we can slap the eBaum's World watermark on the videos and post them on our website. Expect to work 60+ hours per week.

Pay: eBaum's World swag packs.


*NEW* PEPPER PEANUT'S COFFEE BOY
Description: Boss Pepper is addicted to coffee and he needs somebody to fetch him some coffee. You have to buy the coffee with your own money and don't expect any reimbursement.

Pay: Swag packs.


*NEW* TRIAD HOSTAGE
Description: We have no money and we have to pay the Triads by Friday. Please ... somebody take this job so we can pay some of the debt. We need somebody who looks young and doesn't smoke. Bonus if you're a girl.

Pay: Possibly your life ... and some swag packs if you survive!


*NEW* EBONE ACCOUNTANT
Description: We need somebody to keep track of the eBones and make sure nobody surpasses 1,000,000 eBones or else they will be banned. We need somebody who has 10 years experience, a PhD in accounting, knows how to use Excel, and can work 70+ hours per week.

Pay: Swag packs.


*NEW* EBAUM'S WORLD DRIVER
Description: We need somebody who can drive us around because most of us lost our cars due to repossession. You need to pay for your own gas money. You also must drive a Mercedes or better because our VP Hakik cannot be seen driving in some piece of shit Honda. You must have 20+ years of driving experience.

Pay: None but you get some experience.


APPLY NOW!!!!
 #2048  by almostapathetic
 Mon Mar 13, 2017 10:13 am
andrewryan69 wrote:
Mon Mar 13, 2017 9:38 am

*NEW* EBONE ACCOUNTANT
Description: We need somebody to keep track of the eBones and make sure nobody surpasses 1,000,000 eBones or else they will be banned. We need somebody who has 10 years experience, a PhD in accounting, knows how to use Excel, and can work 70+ hours per week.

Include pic of Tom Cruise with resume.
 #2053  by kocher
 Mon Mar 13, 2017 12:37 pm
Cover letter

As someone that also suffers from crippling addiction (addiction to the thrills of life!), I feel that I would be suitable to deliver Pepper's caffeine dosage regularly and efficiently. No one knows better than me how it is important to get that little extra bump in the morning, so I'd make sure Pepper is properly dosed at all times of the day. (my addiction may or may not also include medicinal heroin).

Resume

Education:
Graduated Magma Cum Lauder from Julliard, with a major in janitorial services. During my scholarly pursuits I advised for the growth of opium plants in the corner by the fence for recreational use. Julie' yard has never looked better and she honored me with an ice cold lemonade for my endeavors.

Skills:
I can properly sanitize medical tools
I can shoot up and still be able to type 40 WPM
I can emit a powerful odor from my body on command

Strengths:
I can find a vein on every body part of the human body

Weaknesses:
My left arm has been amputated.

References:
Eric Bauman 310-200-7510
 #2056  by andrewryan69
 Mon Mar 13, 2017 2:40 pm
Hi kocher,

Thank you for your interest in Job PEPPER'S COFFEE BOY -

Thank you for submitting your resume to eBaum's World dot com. Your resume is being entered into our company resume database system. Due to the volume of resumes we receive, we are not able to contact each individual applicant. Instead, a recruiter will contact you if selected to continue in the hiring process.

Although we may not progress with your resume at this time, we will retain your resume in our database for consideration with other opportunities.

We appreciate your interest and wish you success in your career pursuits.

~Andrew, head of the eBaum's World dot com HR department
 #2084  by almostapathetic
 Mon Mar 13, 2017 8:28 pm
s0urce wrote:
Mon Mar 13, 2017 5:36 pm
Pepper's Coffee boy position has been filled. Please update the post as such.

Everyone give a warm welcome to @almostapathetic as the newest member of our team.
Got him a new mug.
Image

Now he can put his favorite one up on the shelf next to his participation ribbons and other accomplishments.
Image
 #2132  by Anthrax666
 Mon Mar 13, 2017 11:20 pm
andrewryan69 wrote:
Mon Mar 13, 2017 9:38 am
*NEW* PEPPER PEANUT'S COFFEE BOY
Description: Boss Pepper is addicted to coffee and he needs somebody to fetch him some coffee. You have to buy the coffee with your own money and don't expect any reimbursement.


Pepper Peanut is a man!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Image