• Sobriety? Have you ever tried to sober?

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If it doesn't fit in another forum, chances are it belongs here.
 #127704  by Ronny_Slobs
 Sun Aug 19, 2018 4:22 pm
In my thirty years of drinking, doing random drugs and smoking plenty of weed I got to the point where I was living in a van and doing dishes at restaurants and showering at Plant Fitness as a life style. Every few years I would ask myself is this all there is going to be in life? Never mind, another few shots of Vodka would remove that bugging question from my mind and then it was off to playing video games and Tiny Chat. Many lolz every night but that question would still pop up from time to time, bugging me.

I never really got into drugs. I saw plenty of friends ruin their lives and even kill themselves at young ages so I only dabbled here and there. My shit was drinking. I was a drunk but a disciplined one meaning I would only drink during the night, after the work day was done and all my shit was in order. I would work hard to keep my machine running. Meaning I would never call out of work, work over time if needed and do my absolute best only so it would guarantee my ability to drink later on that night AND afford to do it nightly.

Another question I had kept asking myself was when I was going to stop. You only get older, never younger. I knew things were going to come to a point where I had to make a decision. Well that time time came and it wasn't pretty.
I was homeless with no money and in a City I didn't know at all in a new State I just moved into. I didn't know anyone and the homeless population was pretty large, about 5,000 in the metro area alone. I was scared shitless and suffering the demens tremors trying to sleep on the streets, in bushes hoping some drunk wouldn't piss on me or stuffing myself under a bridge with traffic cruising by barely getting any sleep at all. Tough times.

I could have easily went to work ready, busted my ass doing demolition cleanup making $80 a day cash and getting drunk no problem. But a few things stopped me. One, getting drunk and being combat inefficient was totally unacceptable to me. Two I had this overwhelming feeling of if I made that choice I was giving up. and I don't give up. I looked at this "thing" as a challenge and took it head on. I decided to never drink again. It payed off.

FF to today I have shelter, food, and a ladder to climb out of my homelessness. It's been roughly 5 months and a few weeks. I've been to AA, NA, CMA, CA and HA meetings every night. Some nights I would go to two meetings. I decided to really give this thing a shot, meaning do the 12 steps of Alcoholics Anonymous and see it through. I'm on step 8, so far so good. These meeting have done something to me that I never thought would happen. I always thought I drank because I was addicted to alcohol. No. I drank to cover up and escape shit that happened to me in my childhood actually. I drank because I was full of resentments- the number one killer of alcoholics. I drank to deal with all the shit that happened to me in the past that I couldn't escape. These meetings and the 12 steps showed me how to unlock that shit, forget the past, move on, forgive myself for all the harm I've done and move forward with my life. So far so good.

It's funny, I don't even THINK about drinking and when I do I stop mid way and immediately think of where it got me and 5 seconds later I just shake it off and I either do something or think of something, anything else. This hit me after being sober for about a month and I was walking down the street with a friend to the store and kicked an empty bottle of Vodka out of my way. I continued the conversation we were having and 20 feet later I realized what had happened. What happened was I forgot about alcohol. If it wasn't for that bottle in my way I would have most likely not even though about it for the rest of the day until I went to an AA meeting. I never thought I would, or could get myself to that point. All those years wonder how I could get away from it.

All of this is to give anyone here who has a problem like I had, being an alcoholic, a message of hope. There was one other thing I forgot to mention that changed everything for me and opened my eyes. Talking to other Alcoholics! Don't waste your money on a psychiatrist, AA meetings and talking with other alcoholics is free. So is the coffee if they have it. If you decide that you've had enough I suggest giving it a shot because you will most likely hear someone say something that is going to blow you away, unlock deep feelings of connection and you will come back for more. That is if you honestly want help and are willing to help yourself.

Check out the internet for local meetings and go to one. don't be afraid or intimidated, everyone there will be willing to help trust me.

Good luck and God bless.
 #127711  by Ronny_Slobs
 Sun Aug 19, 2018 5:04 pm
lemmiwinx wrote:
Sun Aug 19, 2018 4:28 pm
I had court ordered AA once. What a bunch of co-dependent losers I thought I was in hell the whole time.
I had to do the same thing when I was 17 and got busted for a DWI. I went once and never went back. People didn't even welcome me, talk to me or offer anything. But that's Jersey for ya. I tried it again later when I was 35 and again, same thing. This time though I really put in the effort, even though I was forced to do so and it hit home this time. I guess you really have to hit rock bottom for it to do anything for you but yeah, I get your point.
 #127713  by joecaca
 Sun Aug 19, 2018 5:07 pm
lemmiwinx wrote:
Sun Aug 19, 2018 4:28 pm
I had court ordered AA once. What a bunch of co-dependent losers I thought I was in hell the whole time.
Lol you’re a bigger loser than I thought. No wonder you like Trump lol. Get your shit together doe for real,
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 #127715  by lemmiwinx
 Sun Aug 19, 2018 5:16 pm
People in AA are pretty fucked up but there are some hittable females too. They like holding hands and praying so I always sit next to the cute ones. You're supposed to tip a little at every meeting but just a dollar or two.